Page 50 of Salvation

She ran a hand across her brow, wondering why it didn’t make her cry. She’d come close a few times already — when Todd adjusted the angle of the slide so it was just right, or when he murmured something about a baby that wasn’t her own.

Much as her heart ached, though, it also rejoiced. All the loving things she’d never gotten to do for the babies she’d lost, she was getting to do now. And while part of her wanted to wail, it felt good at the same time. To finally face the loss. To work through it. To shape something for her own babies with her own hands, even though it was only symbolic. Her ex hadn’t been into decorating nurseries or picking out strollers, and after losing the first baby, she’d been so afraid to jinx things that she’d held back from the normal nesting rituals. The nursery remained an empty, white-walled room, the yard didn’t change from being a plain square of green, and the ache in her heart stayed locked away.

But now, she slowly pushed that creaky door open and took a good look around.

She blinked back the tears for a few minutes, then nodded to herself and shut that door again. She didn’t bother with the lock this time because she knew she’d be visiting that place again. No use in pretending the pain wasn’t there, because it was intertwined with love. And that, she didn’t want to lock away.

Todd slung an arm over her shoulders and looked over the deck with her. He had a sad, faraway look in his eyes, but a weary kind of satisfaction, too. They’d set up the pool, a tiny little slide, and a wooden bench for Sarah or Soren to sit on while bouncing the baby in their arms. The awning had been the hardest part to install, but they’d managed to bolt in anchor points and stretch it overhead. They left the last bit of deck unshaded, though.

“A place for the baby to look at the stars,” Todd had said when she asked why.

She pictured him describing the constellations to little Teddy someday and sighed.

“You’re the best uncle ever,” she said, making a last-minute word change.You’d make a great dad, too,had been on the tip of her tongue. But that was a dangerous place for a woman in her state of mind to venture, so she’d reeled the thoughts back.

“Yeah, well.” Todd looked over the deck then nodded to himself. “That was the easy part.” He led her over to the bench and sank down on it, looking as if he’d aged a decade in the few seconds that had passed.

She sat, trying not to fidget or stare as he worked his jaw. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his fingers flexed. If all that work was the easy part, what was the hard part?

He leaned forward a little, still holding her hand, and whispered, “I need you to know something.”

Her breath caught in her throat. God, he was so serious all of a sudden. What was wrong?

“Teddy is Soren and Sarah’s, and he always will be. But he’s my son. My biological son,” he said quickly, stumbling over the words.

She stared at him, grappling with an equation her mind wasn’t ready to solve. How could Teddy be Todd’s son?

“I slept with Sarah. Once.” He shook his hand. “Neither of us really understood why at the time. It just sort of…happened.” His nails scratched his jeans ferociously. Clearly, that explanation didn’t satisfy him.

It didn’t satisfy her, either. He’d slept with her cousin? That was ridiculous. Sarah had always been devoted to Soren. It couldn’t be—

She froze the thought there, remembering that the two had broken up for a time. Her heart thumped in her chest as she pictured it. Sarah had slept with Todd during that time?

She gulped, wondering if it had been Todd who’d come on to Sarah or Sarah who’d come on to Todd. Wondering whether they’d lain side by side and looked at the stars. Jesus, had he showed her the constellations, too?

Anna was sitting close enough to Todd for their legs to touch, but she pushed herself away, leaving a gap. A lump filled her throat, making her words an uneven squeak. “Did last night just happen, too?”

“No!” He reached for her hand, but she snatched it back. “No, Anna. Last night was totally different. That’s why I’m telling you.”

To torture her? Was that why he was telling her?

“Please. Please listen,” he said, squatting down in front her.

There was no way past that bulk, so she sat perfectly still, arms crossed over her chest. The sound of a freight train roared in her ears, and her cheeks burned. Yes, she was mad. Smoking mad. But part of her was melting for him at the same time. If she took all the times in the past weeks that he’d looked mournful and multiplied it by ten, he still wouldn’t have looked as wounded as he did right now.

His voice shook. His hands, too, telling her it wasn’t an act.

“What happened with Sarah was a one-time thing. With you, it’s totally different. It’s my heart, not my…”

Your body?she wanted to grunt, trying to banish the image of his hips pumping over Sarah’s. She buried her face in her hands. “Why are you telling me this? Why?”

“Because I don’t want it coming between us. I don’t want anything coming between us. Ever. I never want to keep a secret from you.”

“And how about Sarah’s secret?” she couldn’t help retorting.

“It’s not a secret. Soren knows. He’s accepted it. He knew that…”

When Todd trailed off, she wanted to scream. What could Soren possibly know about his cousin screwing hers that made it okay? What kind of twisted love triangle had it all been?

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