Page 40 of Brave as It

“Don’t do this Emmalee.”

Dia reaches over and gives Emmalee’s hand a squeeze. “Emmalee, you’ve been brave today. Brave as a Hellion’s ol’ lady. Don’t you take that away.”

She lifts her head to look at me. “Always brave, baby girl. You’re always brave.”

THIRTEEN

EMMALEE

Life lessons with Emma: Sometimes the dreams aren’t clear.

“I wantto strangle you and hug you at the same time,” Diem says sitting in the chair across from me.

It’s good to be back in Haywood’s Landing, but if I’m being honest, it scares the shit out of me. I feel like I’ve changed too much. Do I fit in here again? How can I help these people understand, I never intended to hurt them.

Family is the core of everything. They know that and believe it too. I think that’s why everyone has been so kind to me as they have reached out. I did this for family. Right, wrong, or indifferent, my reasons behind everything I’ve done were in the name of the only family I had left. She’s gone and I don’t exactly know how to feel about it.

On one hand, she was my mother. My life-giver and she’s no more. Her life amounted to nothing. She mattered to no one beyond me. I can’t help but wonder how lonely it must have been to be her. No real connections in her whole existence left her sole focus to be money. I don’t ever want to be like her or my dad.

We’re at Wesson’s house and he’s on the couch beside me with an arm draped around my shoulders playing with the ends of my hair. We should talk about things, clear the air, but he hasn’t initiated that conversation and neither have I. What can I say? He is comforting, strong, and resilient. In all of this, he hasn’t shown me one ounce of bitterness, even though I repeatedly lied to him and hurt him. The man he is I will never find again in this lifetime. The pain he carries is one burden I wish to ease, if he will let me.

Diem and Colt came over once Wes gave the all clear. We took a few days in Florida together squaring things up from my life there. With all the tasks of having my mother cremated, cleaning out my room, and answering the questions we had to formally for the cops, there wasn’t true time for us. Upon our return to Haywood’s Landing, he allowed me to be here with him in a bubble for a couple of days telling everyone no to visiting. I’ve spoken to Diem. She has the truth now. While I know she’s wanting to be here the moment I walked in the door, this time to rest and reset has been necessary. I thank Wes for putting my needs above everything including his own. I’m ready now to live again and this time it be for me.

Really, I don’t think Wesson was ready to have company because it’s been nice the two of us, but his brother will do anything to keep Diem happy. When she got wind of what went down … well, I had some explaining to do. She seems to have processed all of it and has been chomping at the bit to see me.

While stayed in Florida a few days getting my life sorted, Karma, Hollis and Maritza also remained. They stayed for Maritza to get some IV antibiotics at the Sinister Sons clubhouse. By the time we got back, and I was coming down from the adrenaline rush. It felt like every Hellion alive was swooping in at the Oasis Inn. They truly did ride in for Wesson getting there not long after he got me back to my room.

My little hideaway was no longer a secret. The Inn that Stone immediately bought since my room was a crime scene, and the Sons take care of their own. Stone swears it wasn’t a purchase just to keep me from paying fees to the owners. He says he got a good deal and it’s a smart investment. I don’t know about that, but he told me not to worry about it. I think he’s more about keeping me out of trouble than either of us care to admit. He’s an ass to outsiders, but to the people around him, he’s got a different side. Whatever woman gets him will get a level of loyalty not found often in men today.

I think that is the biggest lesson all of this chaos has given me. There is no greater loyalty ever found over the level anyone in a motorcycle club has. I never thought of the Hellions as a gang. But I didn’t fully understand their life and the depth of the word family until now.

Since coming back, this is the part I have been most scared of … facing Diem and the lies I told.

Wes looks to Colt who gives Diem’s shoulder a squeeze where he stands behind her. “We talked about this babe. She thought she was protecting you and my brother. You would have done the same thing.”

Diem sighs before giving a nod. “I’m sorry, Emmalee. I hate that you went through this all alone. It hurts me that you didn’t let me in.”

I look down and then back up. “I wasn’t alone the whole time, I made friends in Florida. I thought if I told you then you would convince me to stay here. She was my mom, good or terrible, she was all I thought I had left. Turns out I had a place there with Stone and crew. But also, here. I just couldn’t think straight. Once I made the first move, I didn’t feel like I could stop.”

Wesson lets out a low growl and I pat his chest playfully. “Sons are affiliates, not friends.” He tries to clarify.

“Stop it. Stone was kind to me.” I defend and Colt lets out a whistle. “I consider him a friend, Wes.”

“Baby girl,” Wesson leans over his breath coming in hot against my ear, “no biker is ever kind for the sake of kindness. He wanted in your pants. He just hadn’t made a move yet since you worked for him.”

I gasp. He doesn’t let it go there. I don’t need to know what a man thinks about me, but Wesson is Wesson and lays it out.

“Can’t blame him. You got sweet pussy. Kinda snatch a man gets addicted to.” He kisses the spot on my neck just behind my ear, and then whispers, “wanna have another taste tonight.”

I feel the heat covering my face. “Wes, we have company.” In the rush of being alive and losing my mom, Wes and I did have some nights together both in Florida and since getting back here. While we haven’t had sex, he has indeed had a taste and enjoyed it. I’ve missed his touch more than I realized.

Diem is the one to laugh, “we’re family. He ain’t sayin’ anything Colt doesn’t say. As long as you two don’t start doing the dirty in front of us, we’re good.”

“You do that, I’m gonna have to take Diem to a room and that’s just another set of sheets to wash,” Colt jokes.

“Oh my God, y’all stop.” I tell them full on feeling myself blushing. I know Diem had sex before Colt. Me though, I don’t have that level of experience. I should probably share that with Wes, but again, it’s not something we have discussed.

Maybe that’s where this all went wrong. I haven’t shared enough with him.

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