Page 10 of Always Been You
Hearing her say it hit harder than I thought it would. A part of me feels guilty for not staying in touch and for leaving without a proper goodbye all those years ago. Another part of me wants to kick the bastard who cheated on her, which I definitely will. No one messes with what’s mine and goes away scot-free. By virtue of being divorced, she’s mine whether she likes it or not. In fact, she’s always been mine.
I loosen my grip on her waist, though my fingers itch to keep her close. I can’t stop myself from looking at her ring finger again. Empty. Which gives me a new meaning and purpose.
I should say something; apologize for disappearing, for not being there for her. But I don’t know if she even wants to hear it. The truth is, I’ve been keeping tabs on her, more than I’d like to admit.
“You didn’t answer my question, Ed.”
Her lips brush against mine, and I swear, for a second, time stops. I can feel her pulse racing under my fingers, the warmth of her breath mixing with mine.
Then she pulls back and the silence between us thickens. I try to act casual, but who am I kidding? Nothing about this feels casual.
“Why didn’t you leave?” she asks and I can’t meet her eyes. I can feel her waiting for an answer, but I know that whatever I say won’t be enough. Not after all this time.
How do I explain to her that I left because she was better off without me? She still is, except I don’t really mind now. Do I say that it was easier to stay away and deal with everything than to be close to her? How much can I reveal?
I run a hand through my hair, glancing out at the night sky, trying to find the words. But they get caught in my throat, stuck between regret and desire. This is Lynx,my Lynx, and she’s sitting right here, so close I can smell her perfume mixed with the scent of rain from the rooftop. But she’s also someone who I’ve already lost once, and I don’t know if I can handle losing her again.
“My life was in danger.” I finally settle on that and she sucks in her breath.
“But I’m fine now. I moved to London to stay with my maternal grandparents,” I add.
“is… is …”
“No… let’s not talk about that. let’s talk about what I can do to take your mind off the divorce.” Before she can protest, I add, “From what I know about you, you being here means one or two things. Either this place is part of a list you created five years ago because you never followed through with your personal list or your sisters instigated you to do something crazy, so which is it?”
“The second one,” she says, standing from my lap and I immediately feel the loss.
“I’m here to make a bold and reckless decision,” she says with a forced laugh.
“You don’t say.” I stand as well, then walk towards her. She turns to look at me and the way her eyes sparkle with mischief tells me I will not like what she’s going to say but I can’t deny her either. Reaching her, I turn my head to the left, take her right hand, and sigh.
“What do you have in mind? I’m all ears,” she smiles brightly, too brightly with our faces just inches apart. She licks her lips and then wraps her arms around me, pulling me closer. Without warning, she grabs my other hand, her fingers curling around mine with a firm but playful tug, guiding me back toward the couch.
“So, I haven’t really been living for the past months before the divorce,” she sits beside me, her fingers drifting into my hair. I don’t know if I should like where this is going or hate it because I’m on the verge of losing it and I think she knows what she’s doing to me.
“I was thinking… This is the best opportunity for me to live. Have a one-night stand and who better than you?”
“Lynx–” I growl, she knows what she’s doing.
“Let me finish. We won’t meet again because you probably live here, in London, or maybe not? Where do you live? Don’t answer; the mystery makes it better. So as I was saying, you no longer live in Louisville. You haven’t been there in years and you wouldn't.”
“How can you be so sure I wouldn’t be going back?”
“Because you would have already." She is wrong but I don’t correct her. “You are drunk,” I say instead.
“Oh, just two glasses of Margarita isn’t going to get me drunk. Moreover, if you don’t agree, I’m going to get someone else to agree to it tonight either way.”
“Jeez, is that your planned impulsive decision?” I ask because if that’s it, then there’s no stopping her. She nods and I sigh.
I want her more than anything but for me to have her, I will have to make her mine completely. I’ve been preparing for this day but I didn’t dare to think it could become a reality so if it is, then who am I? I’ve always been selfish toward everyone except her but maybe it’s time I extended it to her.
“Before the divorce…” she continues, breaking my train of thought “Before I caught him cheating on me, we had not been sexually active for months. If I don’t do something about it, I will continue to think about him and feel something is wrong with me. If I’m being honest, currently I feel so undesirable.”
I lean in, brushing her lips with mine, so close I can feel her breath against me. There’s no way I’m letting some asshole make her feel undesirable. And there’s no way I’m doing this without a stamp that says she is mine.
“How about before we do what you’re asking?” I murmur, my voice low, “you sign a few documents for me? Without reading them.”
She raises a brow, the hint of a smile playing at her lips. “You want my properties, Ed?” she asks, amused.
