Page 26 of Always Been You
The what-ifs and what-could-have-beens have an annoying habit of showing up uninvited, whispering promises of alternate lives I’ll never live. Everyone I like seems to leave bittersweet memories. Eddie did when he left without a word. I searched for him all over and pleaded with my parents to help me find him. And there’s Derrick, a man who promised me the world but what did he do? He cheated on me, knowing very well I despise and hate cheating.
In both of them, there were moments of real happiness. Eddie was the first guy I liked. Sure, I had crushed on people here and there but Eddie felt special. He wasn’t a crush from afar. He was someone I thought I would marry someday. I could swear, I saw him look at me with so much love but that could have been my own imagination or projections.
Derrick, on the other hand, came into my life when I thought no one liked me. He used to pick me up from work; his smile was warm and disarming. But what did I get in the end?
I shake my head, scoffing quietly. Maybe it’s time to face the truth about myself. I’m not deserving of any sort of love. After all, what’s there to love about me? My career? HA! Anyone can be an acclaimed lawyer. Come to think of it, apart from that, there seems to be nothing else people may like or find interesting about me.
A tear slips down my cheek, unnoticed until Eddie’s voice cuts through the haze.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, extending a handkerchief toward me like it’s a peace treaty.
I chuckle faintly and wipe my tears with the back of my hand, ignoring his offering. “It seems to be the phrase of the week,” I mutter, turning my gaze back to the rain. My mom had said that to me earlier. Derrick has been sending that nonstop, but I’ve ignored him.
“I shouldn’t have made that comment earlier,” Eddie says, his tone quieter now. I smirk, keeping my eyes fixed outside.
“Ah, that. Isn’t it true? After all, I did sleep with you as a way of moving on.”
“Shit.” His frustration spills out in a single word. “I didn’t mean it that way.” I wave my hand dismissively, but he continues.
“No… no. I need to get this off my chest.” He inhales deeply, and his next words tumble out like they’ve been bottled too long. “I really didn’t mean that. I was just jealous.”
The sudden confession jolts me, and my head snaps in his direction. His blue eyes hold mine, steady and unflinching, daring me to see the truth there.
“I see,” I reply carefully, turning back to the side window. My hands grip my lap as I process the unexpected honesty. Eddie? Jealous? But why?
“I just felt threatened,” he adds, his voice low and resigned, now answering my internal question as if he could hear me.
“You laughed in a way I know you did around people who you’re closer to. It used to be reserved for only me and your family so when I realized he seemed to know you more and was so close to you. I reacted without thinking.”
“Jeez, Edmund! Dash is a friend. Even if he wasn’t, you and I are nothing for you to be jealous of.”
“You don’t know that,” he counters
“But I do.” I say. “Eddie, what we had was just one night, which was supposed to stay in the past. But you somehow decided to show up in my present. I didn’t know you would be coming back. If I did…” I shake my head, more at myself than at him, the words spilling out before I can catch them. “....why didn’t you tell me you’d be coming back?”
He exhales sharply like he’s been holding his breath. “We didn’t talk much that night. You were gone the next day before we had a chance to talk.”
So, it’s my fault? The thought burns as I whip my head toward him, but his gaze melts my indignation before it can spill out.
“It’s not your fault,” he says softly, as if reading my mind. “Not at all.”
A brief silence stretches between us, thick with unresolved tension, before he asks, “Am I forgiven?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I reply curtly, turning my attention to the driver. My eyes narrow as I take him in. Eddie follows my gaze and nods toward him.
“That’s Josh. My assistant.” The man glances back briefly, acknowledging me with a nod. “Nice to meet you officially, ma’am,” he says politely, quite different from how he was earlier at the bar.
“Lawliss, Call me Lawliss,” I respond, watching as he returns his focus to the road.
Eddie leans back slightly, taking my hands into his. “He’s also a very good friend of mine,” he adds.
“I can see that,” I mutter.
A loud ringtone interrupts us, the sound echoing through the car’s speakers. Josh picks up, and an older man’s voice booms through.
“I knew you’d be up by this time,” the man says gruffly.
“Hello, sir,” Josh greets, his tone respectful.
