Page 36 of Always Been You
“Of course. You’re so tired after such strenuous activity. You need rest,” she says, her grin turning wicked.
“Elisa!” I shout, heat rising to my cheeks, but she barks out a laugh, running to her car before I can respond further.
I shake my head and climb into my car, exhaling slowly as I shut the door. The silence feels too loud, so I reach for my phone, only to see a message from Elisa.
Elisa: Seriously, Law, there’s no way this doesn’t mean anything. That guy carries a torch for you, so don’t hold yourself back. He could be the one. I mean, he just solved an issue that could have taken us days or weeks to solve.
I grip the steering wheel and huff. My fingers fly over the screen as I type my reply.
Lawliss: The one? THE ONE? For fuck’s sake, I thought Derrick was the one, but then what happened? Oh, right! He cheated on me. Let’s not forget how I fancied “the one” so much; I fucking saved myself, believing the one I marry would be the only person I’d ever be with. Don’t start with me, Liss.
I hit send and toss the phone onto the passenger seat, sinking into the leather with a hiss. Damn it, Elisa. She just had to ruin the glow I just got from the orgasm I received.
The phone buzzes again, but I don’t pick it up immediately. Instead, I stare out the windshield, the words I just typed playing over and over in my head like a broken record. “Saved myself.” “The one I marry.” The irony isn’t lost on me. I mean, I had that naive mindset, and look what it made me—a divorcee.
I chuckle, shake my head, and sigh, putting my head on the steering wheel. Losing myself to my thoughts, I think of Eddie, my mind twisting in a dozen directions at once, fighting to make sense of how I feel about him and why he’s getting under my skin in ways no one else ever has.
I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to him. He’s like—how do I put it? A dangerous live wire that I still want to touch. You see those doomed-to-fail cases I work on, the ones no one else wants to touch because the odds are impossible? That’s what comes to mind when I think about him. Is Eddie the one? Naa. I shake my head.
I can’t say I’m in love with him, and I don’t know whether I’m drawn to him because of the charge and attraction between us or because of my past infatuation, perception, and crush on him. One thing I’m sure of is that I’m too scared to let myself go.
Thinking back to the office, I think I lost control when I looked into his eyes and saw the pain he tried to hide. At that moment, I wanted to take it all away using whatever means. I sigh and pull out of the parking lot.
As I turn onto the main road, I turn on the radio, and the song “Goes without saying” starts. I know it immediately. It was our song. I freeze for a second, my grip tightening on the wheel. Of course, Atlantic Radio will be blasting oldies songs.
A wave of memories crashes over me, dragging me back to that summer afternoon. I was ten, playing hide and seek with Lauren. I remember ducking behind the old sycamore tree, holding my breath, before deciding to run for a better hiding spot. I ended up next door, pushing through the hedge into the neighbor’s yard. That’s when I saw him—Eddie.
He was dressed head to toe in white, standing under the big peach tree like he belonged there. The song was playing then, too, drifting out from the open window of the house. I didn’t know who he was, but I couldn’t stop staring. I froze when he saw me and smiled just a little, like he wasn’t sure if he should. And somehow, even then, it felt like we already knew each other. He helped me hide from Lauren.
From then on, he became my knight in shining armor, defending me and watching the movies I liked with me. He became the most constant and natural thing in my life. The quiet moments we shared in the dark home theater of his and my parent’s home are still some of my favorite memories of us. Thinking back, it felt like we were the only two people who really saw each other. And then the way he left, without warning, tearing a hole in my life I’ve never really been able to fill.
Part of me hates him for that. For coming back and stirring up feelings I thought I’d buried. But another part of me—a part I don’t even want to admit exists—aches for him. It aches for the way he makes me feel seen, like all the pieces of me I try to hide aren’t flaws but something worth cherishing.
The music hums softly in the background as I drive, but I barely hear it. My thoughts are too loud, drowning out everything else.
How easily I lost control. I’ve been careful my whole life—careful with my words, my actions, and my feelings. But around him, everything falls apart. He makes me reckless. And I hate how much I crave it.
What am I even doing?
The question circles in my mind as I turn onto my street, the familiar penthouse coming into view. I can’t keep letting him do this to me. I need to set boundaries, create space, and regain control.
I pull into my driveway, my stomach dropping as I step onto my doorstep and push the door open, only to be met with the sound of rushing water.
“No,” I whisper, my voice trembling as I wade forward. “No, no, no.”
I push the door open wider, and the sound of rushing water slams into me, followed by the sharp scent of something damp and metallic.
“Shit!” Not only is the marble floor soaked, but the sound of water dripping from the kitchen fills the silence, and for a second, I just stand there, frozen. This can’t be happening. Not now.
I pull my phone from my bag, my hands shaking as I scroll. Who do I call? My sisters? No. I shake my head. Dzifa? No, she isn’t in town now, so who?
Eddie… but I don’t have his number.
I bite my lip, my pride warring with the gnawing fear in my chest. The last thing I want is to ask him for help, but standing here, ankle-deep in the wreckage of my life, I know I don’t have a choice. I take the stairs to his floor.
Chapter Seventeen
Eddie
