Page 43 of Always Been You
The silence doesn’t feel empty. It feels full. Full of everything I want to say but can’t. Thank you. Don’t let me go. I’m yours.
“Is it too late to lecture you on the birds and the bees?” he asks, his voice laced with amusement.
I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “If I wanted you with a rubber on, I would’ve pointed it out.”
Pushing him off me, I stretch before he shifts to the pillow, opening his arms for me. I join him without hesitation, snuggling against his chest.
“You do realize we haven’t used protection either time we’ve had sex, right?” he says, his voice careful, as if bracing for my reaction.
I smirk, tilting my head to look up at him. “Should I be worried you’re going to infect me with something?” I fake a gasp, and he groans, running his hand through my hair before pressing a kiss to it.
“I’m clean, Lynx. I can show you my medical report,” he says, completely serious, and I burst out laughing.
“I’m just kidding. I know. For some reason, I felt like you wouldn’t do that,” I say softly, then add, “Anyway, it’s not like I can have a baby, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
The mood shifts slightly, heavier, but I try to brush past it. Eddie’s hand strokes my back in slow, comforting circles as I sigh into him.
“I don’t think I’m the issue, though,” I continue. “I was cleared. But I never got pregnant with Derrick’s baby, despite being married, so…”
“You accepted it was your fault,” he finishes for me, his tone careful, and I nod.
“Did he make you feel like it was your fault?” he asks, and we both know exactly who he is.
I shake my head. “He never did. That’s why I never suspected he was cheating. I was scared it would be a big issue, but he made it seem like he was okay with it.”
I swallow hard, my voice dropping to a murmur. “I guess he wasn’t.”
A lump forms in my throat, but I push it down, unwilling to let the weight of the past drag us down tonight. “Let’s go to sleep,” I say softly, not wanting to spoil the mood any further.
Eddie doesn’t press. He just nods, wrapping his arms around me tightly. After a few moments, when he thinks I’m asleep, he whispers, “I love you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if it means destroying the whole world in the process.”
His lips brush my hair in a soft kiss, and then he falls silent, his breathing evening out as he drifts off to sleep.
For the first time in a long time, I feel safe. Not just in this house, but in him. Maybe that’s what scares me most of all.
∞∞∞
I wake up first to find Eddie still sound asleep. My hand moves on its own, caressing his face, tracing the line of his jaw with my fingertips. He looks so peaceful, so unguarded. He doesn’t even stir not a twitch. The steady rise and fall of his chest lulls me, and for few seconds, I just watch him.
I can’t remember the last time I felt this calm lying next to someone. Not that there have been many people like that in my life. I could count them on one hand—my sisters, a few best friends. If I include Eddie and Derrick, they’d be the only ones, and even then, it’s different.
I used to have such a crush on Eddie. Back then, I believed that if he’d stuck around, I’d have married him, or maybe not. Who knows? But one thing I’m sure of is this: I like how unguarded he looks right now, like he trusts me completely. Even in his sleep, he lets himself be vulnerable with me.
My hand drifts down to his arm, brushing over the firm muscles. There’s always been this quiet strength about him, like he was built to hold everything together, no matter what life throws his way. And right now, I’m glad he can let it all go, even if it’s just for a little while.
I know there’s so much about him I don’t know. Things he hasn’t told me yet. But if we’re going to do this, I have to learn how to trust again.
I shift closer and press a soft kiss to his forehead. His warmth grounds me, settling the storm that’s always lingering in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve found a place where I can finally just… be.
Carefully, I slip out of bed and head to his closet. In my rush to get here last night—my apartment soaked from the plumbing disaster—I didn’t bring anything with me but the clothes on my back.
I pull one of his oversized comfy T-shirt from the closet and slip it on. It smells like him, minty and warm, and it makes me feel safe.
Walking out of the bedroom, I move as quietly as I can, not wanting to wake him. The apartment is still and quiet, and for a moment, I just stand in the kitchen, unsure of what to do with myself.
Then I remember. Eddie has a sweet tooth and loves chocolate tea. He used to ramble about it during our late-night conversation like it was the best thing in the world. His words had stuck with me for some reason, and now it feels like the perfect thing to make.
I search through his cabinets, trying to find cocoa powder, milk, sugar, and anything else I might need to throw together breakfast. Not that I’d call myself a good cook. I finally find the ingredients, all arranged in an irritatingly organized manner. My place, a near replica of this one, is in chaos like me, but Eddie’s apartment feels composed. For some strange reason, it makes me smile.
