Page 9 of Always Been You
My lips part, trying to give a witty comeback and that was all the invitation he needed. His mouth meets mine and the taste of whiskey fills me. I open up and his tongue slides between my lips. I wrap my hands around his neck, deepening the kiss. Eddie doesn’t push my hand away and I like the feel of him. A moan escapes my lips and my body undergoes something foreign I can’t explain. Trying to catch my breath, I break the kiss.
“That was ….unexpected?” I stutter, swallowing a lump in my throat that I hadn’t noticed before. We stare at each other for a while, just us fading. I’ve just kissed Edmund taking the whole get-out there to another level.
Eddie is not any random guy but he is not someone I will be seeing again for probably another decade and more so maybe I can strike a deal with him where we give in to this attraction. Lay down the rules and maybe this time around I’ll come out unburned.
“Mhmm.. not really,” he says barely above a whisper. I wonder if I heard him.
“So what have you been up to, Ed.” I shift slightly on his lap, feeling the weight of the question hanging between us, my heart pounding against my ribs. His hands rest lightly on my waist, fingers twitching as if unsure where they belonged.
He didn’t answer right away, his eyes searching my face as if trying to figure out what I wanted from him. “What do you really want to know?” he asked, voice low and careful.
“Let’s see…. Where you’ve been all these years or … or” I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I hesitate, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his body beneath.
“Why didn't I say goodbye to you?”
“Yeah, why didn’t you say goodbye?” I whisper, my voice barely louder than the sound of my heart in my ears. Eddie’s gaze drops to my collarbone, his jaw tightening. He takes a long breath as if steadying himself.
The silence stretched between us, thick with words; neither of us was ready to speak. I could feel his hands resting lightly on my hips, his fingers twitching as if he wanted to pull me closer but didn’t quite dare.
I shifted slightly on his lap, feeling the tension coiling tighter inside me. Maybe I didn’t want to hear why he left. Maybe it was better if we stayed strangers—two people who had kissed once and then drifted apart. And maybe that will help with the preposterous proposition I’m about to make. The silence stretches, filled with words I don’t know how to say. I feel raw, exposed, like I’m cracked open just sitting here on his lap. Before I can talk myself out of it, the words slip out…
“I’m divorced,” It’s not what I planned to say, nor is it even close but it feels like something I need to admit, as if this confession might make the silence between us easier to bear.
I am not sure if I’m trying to save him from answering my question or if I just need to tell someone outside my family who feels like a stranger yet family. Someone who’s not tangled up in my everyday life. Maybe saying it out loud, to him of all people, will make it feel more real. Eddie’s not just some random guy, but he isn’t part of my world anymore either. I probably won’t see him again for another twenty years.
He nods, his lips pressed into a thin line, watching me with those same intense blue eyes I remember from years ago. He always had a way of making the silence feel more comfortable than words. That was one of the reasons I liked him. He was always there for me. Listened to me rant on Barbie, Princess Switch, and other movies I loved. He gave me a shoulder to cry on whenever I was upset and fought my prom date, who was spreading rumors about me.
“I caught him cheating on me,” I continue. It was out so I might as well finish the story.
“Asshole,” he mutters and I chuckle.
“I’m sorry”
“Oh, don’t be,” I say, shaking my head but I feel a sudden, sharp pain talking about it again.
“No, I should have continued to keep taps or reach out but after the news about your marriage broke, I just stayed away.”
“You kept taps on me?” My voice catches. Something is missing from his explanation, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
“You kept tabs on me…” I repeat, softer this time, but there’s something more beneath his words, something I can’t quite grasp.
He doesn’t answer. Instead, his fingers find mine, intertwining, holding me there like he’s afraid I’ll slip away. I don’t pull back. I can’t.
In the silence, all I feel is the steady beat of his pulse, matching my own.
Chapter Five
Eddie
I’ve always wanted to kiss Lawliss and be with her in a way that felt too impossible. I knew the moment something happened between us, there was no going back. And I was right. The moment my lips met hers, I felt whole, and every demon I’ve been fighting stilled. I felt at peace with her in my arms.
I fucking laughed I’m no longer the guy that lets out a belly laugh or smile brightly but all I’ve done since meeting her this evening is be someone I barely recognize. My grandparents would have a field day should they see me now.
Years of keeping my distance and of telling myself that she couldn’t be mine just crumbled in an instant. I’d tried to keep my distance after moving and even when we were together, I tried being the big brother figure they needed—she needed to keep me from crossing the line. I wasn’t sure how she felt about me, nor was I sure how it was going to span out but damn, the second she looked at me with those hazel eyes, everything I’d tried to bury resurfaced.
Now she’s sitting on my lap just like she used to, except this time the electric pulling us together is stronger and her warmth seeps into me. I’m transfixed, trying to blend the past with the present. The way her body keeps moving against mine, Damn! I can barely breathe. Lynx hasn’t changed much. Same fire in her eyes, the same way of deflecting when things get too heavy. There’s something different about her now though she still carries the same confidence. There’s a sadness in her that wasn’t there before.
And she’s divorced.
