Page 39 of Commander

“Ash, are you sure you’re okay?”

“There are things I can’t discuss with you, but it means a lot that you care enough to ask.”

There was a touch of longing to his response that made my heart contract.

“I understand.” Probably more than he realized.

I had so many secrets that I wasn’t sure how Ashur would react once he found all of them out. I wanted to believe he’d stand by me and fight for me if he ever learned what I was or had done, but there was always something in the back of my mind making me think I couldn’t depend on him.

“Tara?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think we can ever get back to what we lost when we were young?”

Why was he saying this when he was the one who wanted an iron-clad agreement stating where he stood on our relationship?

“Ashur, I don’t know what you want me to say. I have no idea what will happen between us. There’s a lot of history. I’m not that girl anymore and neither are you the boy I knew.”

“I just wish sometimes that I’d questioned all the shit Papa had said about you. I wish I’d fought for us a little more.”

“I wished that for a long time too. But we can’t change the past, Ash. All we can do is not fall into the same traps again.”

“I suppose.”

What the hell was going on that he sounded so vulnerable? Where was the man that took no shit from anyone? The one who scared the crap out of friend and foe alike?

I wanted to reach through the phone and tell him it would be okay, even though I knew I couldn’t do it.

“We can have a happy life together. Everything else we’ll figure out as we go.”

He remained quiet for a moment, then spoke. “I want to tear the contract up. I want it to be the way we were before all the shit Papa put us through. I want you to love me the way you did when you were eighteen. I want it about to be about us, not the election or the money I promised you.”

Oh God. I couldn’t do this right now.

Dammit Ashur, why now? Why not two years ago?

“Ash, we can’t go back in time. Our reality is that we have an agreement.”

“I know. I’m telling you what I thought. I’d understand your hesitation after what I’d said when we signed the contract. I shouldn’t have told you it was only ever going to be business with a side of sex. I was an asshole. I must be more like him than I believed.”

“You’re not an asshole. And you’re nothing like him.”

“I am.”

I could hear Neya saying something, and I knew Ash was in trouble.

“Okay, I have to go. Neya is glaring at me and has a spray bottle and a comb to make me look presentable.”

“Good luck.” I laughed and the tension of the second earlier disappeared. “Ashur?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll see you in a few. I’ll be the girl wearing enough jewelry to blind everyone in sight and expensive enough to fund a small country for ten years.”

“I’m sure you’ll look beautiful, Commander.”

We hung up and I closed my eyes.

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