Page 26 of Believe in Caloosa Springs

I sighed. Can you unsend a text?

ME:How do you keep getting sexier?

Once I’d made it inside, I put my phone on the charger and turned on the shower as hot as it would go. I peeled out of my shirt and kicked my shoes off. I unbuttoned my jeans and started to slide them down my hips when someone knocked on my door. Sighing, I pulled my jeans up around my waist again, not bothering to button them. Ten bucks said that it was Henry. No one else ever knocked on my door.

To my surprise, it wasn’t Henry. It was Max.

“Hi,” I said. Confused.

Max’s eyes went wide, and a soft blush crept across his cheeks. “Sorry,” he said, dropping his face to the ground.

“No worries,” I told him, covering myself a bit with the door.

“Tyler wanted me to come see if we could borrow everyone’s chairs,” he explained. “He said Pops is worried we won’t have enough for everyone to sit around the fire.”

“Uh, yeah. Absolutely.” I turned around, grabbed the two chairs around my small table, and handed them over to Max. He smiled awkwardly.

“See ya,” he mumbled.

I smiled back and gave a slight wave before closing the door. That was cute. Normally, Max was exactly the kind of boy I would be all over.Normallybeing the key word there. There was nothing normal about running away to live on a pot farm in the middle of nowhere. Besides, I had my sights set elsewhere. Like on little gothic twinks with potty mouths and the tendency to call meDaddy.That was definitely something I wanted to explore. Especially since I wasn’t compelled to hide in the back of dimly-lit bars or a steamy bathhouse, half-afraid for my life. Nope, I was finally free. I didn’t give a shit who saw me doing anything with anyone anymore. I left that world, so I wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

I wanted to find out what having a boyfriend was like. What buying him flowers and chocolates on Valentine's Day felt like. Watching him sleep early in the mornings as soft light from the window danced across his skin. Walking into a restaurant to have dinner together, hand-in-hand. I wanted to know what that was like. I’d been on a few dates here and there, but I mainly stuck to hookups. I knew for years that my plan was to run as quickly as possible, so the last thing I had ever wanted to do was complicate my escape with a relationship. But I was ready now.

I made quick work of scrubbing my hair, but paid closer attention to cleaning my body and soaping up my crotch, just in case. I was really happy I didn’t have to douche. I considered myself to be 100% top with a capital T.O.P. and that was non-negotiable. They say don’t knock it till you try it, and I tried it… twice. With two different dudes, just to be sure, and hated everysecond of it both times. Despite my total top status, I knew I was gay because I couldn’t even get it up with a girl… also twice. I had dedicated myself to exploration even as a closeted Christian living in easily the most regressive city in America, and I had some small amount of self-knowledge to show for it.

Having a small-framed, slightly effeminate guy underneath me, panting and clawing at my back as I pushed into him? Now,thatwas worth going to Hell for.

I studied my reflection, debating on whether to shave. I normally kept a clean face, because my mother always complained that stubble made me look like I was unkempt. It was easier to shave than to argue, or watch her stare at me with disappointment. I put the small can of shaving cream down and skipped straight to brushing my teeth.

I didn’t have a lot of options as far as clothing went. We’d packed pretty light to get out of Salt Lake unnoticed. It was a casual bonfire hangout thing, so slacks didn't seem appropriate, and I didn't want to look anymore Mormon than I already did, apparently. I settled on a pair of dark-stained blue jeans, a white undershirt, and my black hoodie. That was as good as it was gonna get, I figured, taking one last look in the mirror. I grabbed my phone and double-checked my pockets for wallet and keys before I headed out the door.

“Porter! Over here!”

I looked to the left to see Henry waving at me. He was standing next to Dillon and Jake in a semicircle, while Pops and Tyler started piling up old logs and dried brush. They were building the fire on the other side of the barn, set a good distance away from the cabins. Far enough away for safety, but close enough to have easy access to the barn, where undoubtedly most of thefood and refreshments were being stored. I made my way over, checking my phone again.

“Whoa, Utah. You clean up real nice,” Jake said, his voice laced with something uncomfortable.

Dillon snickered next to him. "Yeah, you trying to get some pussy tonight, Porter?”

I didn’t dignify him with an answer. Instead, I just turned to Henry. “I’m gonna stop at the store. Do you need anything?”

Henry looked slightly confused, but shook his head. “Do you want me to go with you?”

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I quickly swiped at the screen.

TIAN:I’m ready :)

My thumbs moved a mile a second as I shot off a quick reply.

ME:See you soon, cutie.

The butterflies flapping around in my stomach were enough to make me nauseous. I grabbed a cold bottle of water out of the fridge, hoping to settle myself a bit.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” I said, turning on my heel and double-timing it back over to the car.

“Guess not…” I faintly heard Henry call to my back.

The only store in town was a small general store that sold a modest variety of household items, cleaning products, canned foods, and farm-fresh produce. They had exactly two boxes of condoms. Judging from the fine layer of dust on the packages, they’d been there for a while. I grabbed them both, nonetheless.I still had ¾ of a bottle of lube I’d brought from home back at the cabin. But they didn’t have any flowers, which is what I’d really come for.

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