Page 50 of Believe in Caloosa Springs

I wonder what Porter would look like wearing Dutch clothing. The little hats…OMG!

What would it be like to fuck Porter in a 200-year-old windmill?

My mood dimmed as my never-far-from-reach anxieties took hold, creeping in around the edges of my daydreams.

No decent, respectable man like Porter is going to drop everything and run off to a foreign country chasing after a porn star.I snorted at the thought. I washardlya porn star, or any kind of star, for that matter. I was just a cute boy withfair skin and a tight hole. My 15 minutes in the sun consisted of beating off and sodomizing myself for others’ viewing pleasure.

What did I even have going for me, a six-figure OnlyFans? Who cared? That really only reached back around to my original point… fair skin, tight hole, and enough photography knowledge and narcissism to always catch my best angles.

And the alternative was… what, exactly? Just stagnating in this shitty little town and spending my life with Porter, barefoot and pregnant?

Maybe not pregnant…

“And do what?” I asked the empty room. He’d work at Baker Farm, and I’d just resign myself to slinging weed in the dispensary with Mandy, making pleasant chit-chat with ninety-year-olds boasting a third-grade reading level until Porter stopped working out and taking care of himself because he was subconsciously miserable, and he’ll develop an alcohol problem. Spend all day at the saloon like George Barlosky, and come home reeking of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He’d unbutton his pants to let out his gut, and then he’d expect me to satisfy his ugly needs while I cried silent tears into an 85-thread-count pillowcase.

Christ. I gotta get the fuck out of here.

I was so consumed with my dread-spiral that I nearly missed his call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe.” His voice was light, and I could hear the wind rustling some against the microphone. He must be out in thefields, or heading to the barn, or something. “Is everything okay? You sound a little… out of breath.”

The hellscape of a future with Porter I’d just been imagining didn’t stop my nervous system from reacting to the sounds of his voice.

“Yeah… yeah. I was just, uh, doing some yoga,” I lied as my breath and pulse rate began to return to normal. “What thread count are your sheets?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. How’s your day going?”

He let out a small laugh. “It’ll be better when I’m done working, and I get to see you.”

Those stupid butterflies again.I wanted to vomit.

“Yeah… I’m looking forward to seeing you, too. You don’treallywant anchovies and onions on your pizza, right?”

“I will be perfectly fine with whatever you decide to order.”

“Mandy’s favorite is meat lovers.”

“Oh, is she joining us? I mean, I guess she lives there, huh? That was a dumb question.”

“Yeah, if that’s okay?”

“Absolutely…”

“You sound hesitant.”

I heard him sigh. “I don’t think she likes me very much. I just kinda get that vibe. I want her to like me because you guys are close family, but I’m, uh. Yeah. I don’t know what I’m trying tosay. Sorry. I guess I want her to like me, but I’m a little lost on how to make that happen.”

“Yeah, Mandy can be… well,Mandy. It’s nothing personal, I swear. She’s just kind of a bitch, even to the people she likes. She has nothing against you. You need to give her some time.”

“Well, I am looking forward to it,” he offered after a moment. I could practically hear him smile. A cold slap of guilt quickly chased away my warm n’ fuzzies as I remembered the offer, and the fact that I suddenly couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of Caloosa Springs. The guilt quickly turned into an enveloping wave of sadness and the thought of not being with Porter.

We could still text, right? Would I still be able to have my phone on this new show? I was allowed to have it at BoysTown. Actually, it was a requirement. But this was different.How does international texting work? No more nudes? Why did I have to meet the first guy I actually wanted to try a relationship with in the middle of fucking nowhere? I didn’t want to be a pot farmer, and that was the town's biggest business. What would I do to occupy my time?

There’s nothing here!

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