Page 57 of Believe in Caloosa Springs

I lifted my head a bit to ease the strain in my neck. “What do you mean?”

“There’s a video of you… pleasuring yourself with your mouth. From the cam house. I've watched it a few times. The first time I saw you, you looked so familiar, and I couldn’t quite place it. But I found the video again after we’d met, and then just kinda matched up your tattoos. Sorry. The only reason I told you is that I want you to know that I really don’t care, Tian.”

“Yeah, that self-suck video went crazy,” I murmured. “That’s what I’m assuming you are talking about? When I was sucking my own dick?”

“Uh, yeah. That would be the one,” he paused. “I think that, if I could do that, I’d never leave the house.”

I laughed again. “Well, when you are in the middle of a budding adult-film career, and you decide you don’t want to have sex with anyone else anymore, you have to get creative. It took six months of yoga and hours of stretching for me to be able to pull that off.”

“Well, I would love to see it live sometime.”

“Oh, yeah? But what are you gonna do for me?” I asked.

“Literally anything you want, Tian.”

“Hmm,” I hummed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked.

I nodded against his chest.

“Why did you stop making content with other guys?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve had a ton of offers from other models, but it just didn’t feel right. Despite my willingness to exploit my dick and hole for a check every month, I… I just couldn’t really get into scenes with other guys. I don’t know. It was just always awkward and weird.”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to complain about you not having sex with other guys,” he said.

“Can I askyoua question?” I spoke up.

“You can ask me anything,” he replied.

“Are you really a runaway Mormon? Or do you just look like one?”

Porter chuckled, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, that would be an accurate description. They prefer the term LDS, or Latter Day Saints. I knew I wanted something different. I wanted to be able to live my life on my terms, and I had pretty much figured it out by the time I was 16. The only way to make that happen was to leave.”

“I understand. I left homophobic parents behind, too. It takes a lot of courage.”

Porter sighed and shook his head. “I did it the wrong way, though. I ran away without a word. I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself to their faces. Or even tell them who I really was. I’d been pretending for so many years, masking. My parents, however flawed and ignorant, deserved to bear the truth… from me. I owed it to myself to tell them, and I didn’t. They thought they were dropping me off to go on my mission, but I came here, instead.”

“Wow. So your parents think you are reading the Bible to children in a developing country, or something?”

He chuckled. “Uh, I’m pretty sure they know by now that I didn’t check in at my first post. I had written them a letter that I was supposed to mail the day I left Utah, but I couldn’t bring myself to send it. It might be easier for them to think I just disappearedwithout a trace, than to know I’d run away from them to live on a pot farm and have sex with cute boys.”

I couldn’t help but find the similarities in our situations. After all, I’d run away from home and joined a cam house to have sex with cute boys.

“So, what’s next?” he asked hesitantly.

“What do you mean?” I was pretty sure I knew what he meant, but I wanted to give myself another 45 seconds to come up with an answer.

“What do you want, Tian?”

“Well, since we’re being honest…” I drew a deep breath. “I don’t want to stay in Caloosa. It’s just not for me. It’s been really great as a place to lie low and gather my bearings, but this isn’t my future.”

Porter let out a relieved breath. “I’m glad to hear you say that. Caloosa Springs is fine and all, but I think I’d like to explore… other places.”

“How do you feel about Amsterdam?” The words were out of my mouth before I had time to think them through.

“I don’t have enough knowledge to have an educated opinion.”

---