Page 13 of My Promise To Keep

We usually got together as one big family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, and, of course, the fair, and Zoe and I have always visited Luke’s grave together on his birthday and the anniversary of the day we lost him. This last year, though, none of that happened. She and Bree booked a vacation over Thanksgiving, and I didn’t go home until Christmas morning, avoiding the Christmas Eve get-together at the Campbell house. Instead of spending our birthdays together, they’ve become a simple text message, and as for Luke, I just stayed away. Not just because of having to see Zoe, but also because of the guilt: guilt that we kissed, guilt that I didn’t kiss her back.

We didn’t talk about it. I left Forest Falls the morning after the fair, driving back to the city like a bear with a sore head. I was pissed off, angry, confused, and a whole heap of other things I wasn’t ready to address.

She’d kissed me, out of nowhere, and it had stunned me.

Was it out of nowhere, though? I’d spent a lot of hours over the past year considering that.

Right after Luke died, we’d leaned on each other. She was my connection to him, and I was hers. We were inseparable at first. I held her while she slept, cooked for her, and drew her baths. We curled up on her couch to watch movies together. As the first weeks passed and I went home, we would talk on the phone daily, checking in on each other. That eased off over themonths, reduced to texts and seeing each other a couple of times a month, then once a month and special occasions, but that connection between us was always still so strong.

There were moments when she’d smile at me in a way that made my stomach knot up — when I’d catch her looking at me in ways women have looked at me a hundred times, but I ignored it all because it was Zoe.

I wanted her. I had always wanted her. Even when I fought it and pushed it to the back of my mind, she was always the most perfect woman in the world to me. When she commented on my physique or made a remark that bordered on flirtatiousness, I would bank it, replay it in my mind at night or in the shower, but I knew she never meant anything by any of it — that was just Zoe. And then she kissed me.

We should have talked about it. I knew that, but it would have meant opening a door I couldn’t bear to open. It would have meant admitting feelings that would have changed everything. The memories we’d made together would now hold new meaning. One way or another, our friendship would never be the same.

So, I stayed in my lane and kept my distance unless she came to me. It was better that way.

My phone vibrated again, and I looked down, hopeful, but it wasn’t Zoe.

Doug:Me, You, a bar full of women and cold beer…

Instead of texting back, I pressed call.

‘What are you thinking?’

‘I’m thinking I need to get laid, and I’m guessing you’re not opposed to that either.’

He was right. I wasn’t.

‘Yeah, I could be convinced.’

Doug laughed, and we made a plan. If I couldn’t have the woman I wanted, I’d have the women who wanted me.

A night out withmy best friend was always fun. Doug and I had been so close for so long that we just understood each other. I knew his type, and he knew mine. There was never any confusion or judgment, and it was very rare that we had a disagreement about anything. I told him everything except my feelings for Zoe, my promise to Luke, and the kiss. I hated hiding it from him, but my best friend was a protective brother, and I knew it wouldn’t sit well with him.

‘How come you’re not with your family tonight?’ I asked as we sat at a table in a bar we went to often. The Campbells were big on birthdays, and it suddenly occurred to me that Doug would usually be with his sisters on theirs.

‘The girls are in Nashville.’ My eyes widened in surprise. How did I not know that? ‘Mama, Zo, and Bree booked this weekend trip for the three of them. Kind of pissed I didn’t get an invite.’

He laughed, and I nodded, unease settling in that I didn’t know. Zoe would have talked my ears off about this trip prior to that night.

‘A weekend away with three women drinking too much and singing too loud? You sure?’

I knew the Campbell women. They could drink, and they loved music.

‘Nah, I’m just glad they’ve gone. Zoe needs to get out more, maybe think about meeting somebody.’ My stomach lurched at the thought. ‘Both of them do.’

‘Is she okay?’ He glanced up at me, and I sat back in my chair, trying to act casual. ‘Zo? We haven’t talked in a while, just checking in.’

‘What’s up with that? Y’all were like joined at the hip for a bit.’

There was suspicion in his eyes. I hated it.

‘Just life, I guess. We needed each other more at first, then it got less and less.’

Doug nodded, my answer making sense… to him at least. It made no sense to me because I never stopped needing Zoe, not even for a second.

‘So, has she started dating?’

---