Page 5 of My Promise To Keep

He took another breath.

‘I’ll talk plain because I don’t have the energy for anything else. I want you to date my wife when I’m gone. I want you to love her and show her she can love you.’ I stood in a rush and paced away from him. ‘Leo…’

‘What the fuck, Luke?’ I was yelling at a dying man, great.

‘I know it seems like I’m asking a lot, but…’

‘Seemslike a lot? It fuckin’ is a lot.’ I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled deeply, hating that there was a piece of me rejoicing at the suggestion of Zoe and me together while her husband sat dying a few feet away from me. I blew it out and turned to him. ‘Why would you ask me this?’

The expression on his face, in his eyes, told me he was expecting this question.

‘She’s too young to be alone. If we hadn’t got married so young, she might have gone to college, slept around, and experienced more of life. Instead, we got together before we finished puberty. There’s only been her for me and me for her. I want her to feel everything, to live and love and make memories.’

‘She doesn’t need me for that.’

‘You’re connected, you and her. I think the only reason it’s me she married and not you is the age gap between you two, butthat doesn’t seem so big now. If I’d never come to Forest Falls, it would be you with her.’

‘Your meds are making you crazy.’ I pointed at him, and he shook his head. This wasn’t going as he wanted.

‘Could you sit, please.’

My heart was racing as I sat in the chair opposite, unable to bring myself to sit too close now.

‘I love you, Leo. You’re my brother in every sense. I know I’m asking a lot, but you and her, you’re everything to me.’

‘No,’ I said softly and watched his eyes close briefly before turning down to look at the hands in his lap. ‘I don’t understand how you can ask me this.’

‘You’re the best man I know.’

‘She’s your wife.’

‘Not for long.’

‘Fuck you, Luke.’ My voice shook with emotion as I tried to hold it together. ‘You can’t ask me to promise you this.’

‘You think I don’t know how you feel about her?’ I glared at him, trying to act dumb like I had no idea what he was talking about. ‘Leo, you loved her before I did.’

‘Luke.’ I sighed.

‘I’m not going to be here. I wish I was going to be the man to grow old with her, but I’m not.’

‘I can’t.’ My voice was barely there, unable to deny what we both knew. Shame and guilt ripped through me. ‘I’ll be there for her, always.’

‘All I want is her happy.’ There were tears in his eyes that broke my heart. ‘You’re the only man I trust.’

‘She doesn’t look at me that way, Luke. I’m not you.’

‘You’re a better man than me.’ I swallowed hard and realized the tears I was holding back had made their way out, so I wiped them away and avoided his gaze. ‘All I’m asking is that you be there for her, and when she’s ready, if you’re free to do so, yoube available to her.’ I shook my head slowly but couldn’t look up at him anymore. I wanted it. I hated myself for wanting it, but now my mind was running wild with thoughts of being with Zoe, and I couldn’t stop it. ‘I know you would never betray me. I know while I’m here, you would never overstep, get too close, or act on anything, and believe me, if I wasn’t a dying man, there’s no way I’d be acknowledging this, but I’m not going to be here for her, Leo, and you are.’

‘It’s not fair to ask this of me, Luke. You’re asking me to wait in the wings, ready to pounce. It’s fucked.’

He nodded, digesting my words as I took the opportunity to really look at him. He was small, thin, and tired and not the larger-than-life man I’d always looked up to. He was dying, and he was desperate. I knew at that moment that his request wasn’t some weird way of getting me to admit my feelings for her. It was his way of looking out for her — his way of making sure she didn’t give up on life and love and joy. And fuck, I wanted to give him the peace of knowing I’d be the one there for her.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly. ‘You’re right, it’s not fair. Let me ask you this, then. Live your life, be happy, and if you meet the one and settle down, know that I’m so happy for you because I want your happiness as much as I want hers. But please be there for Zoe. Take her out, make her laugh, listen to her cry. Be her friend, be her connection to me, and know that if the spark I see between you two ignites and becomes something more, there’s nobody I’d rather it be than you.’

I took a breath and blew it out, steadying myself before raising my gaze to meet his and looking him square in the eyes, I made a promise that I didn’t know how I was ever going to keep.

‘Okay, I promise. I’ll love her. For you, I’ll show her that I love her.’

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