Page 16 of My Promise To Keep

I tried to distract myself from the pain by trying to pinpoint exactly when it happened, when it changed, because by the time I kissed him after the fair, I think things already had.

We’d become so close after Luke died. The promise he had made to my husband became clear in the way he showed up for me. He’d promised to be there, to look out for me. I didn’t need him to confirm it. I know that was why he was there the way he was, but we got close for real.

We hung out, had pizza and movie nights, went shopping, bowling, and played laser tag. He worked a couple of shifts at thebar just to keep me company and tattooed me a bunch. When he hung out with Doug alone, I felt the pangs of jealousy that I knew were irrational. He was Doug’s best friend, of course they wanted to hang out, but now, looking back, I wondered: was I jealous that I wasn’t included, or was I jealous that his nights with my brother usually resulted in him getting laid?

Oh shit. I thought it was the latter. Maybe this thing had been going on longer than I realized. I thought back — when did that start pissing me off?

‘Quit showing off.’

My brother’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see him approaching.

‘She’s taking it like a champ, brother,’ Leo commented, and I realized I hadn’t noticed the pain in a while.

Doug’s presence here brought a guilty feeling that didn’t sit right. He had never once complained or commented about my closeness with Leo, but I’d seen him looking at us. I’d caught his scrutinizing gaze if we laughed at a private joke or danced a little closer than he thought appropriate. I knew he was just looking out for us both, but the fact that I had fantasized a lot about my brother’s best friend had me feeling like if he stared too long, he would know.

‘The shop looks fuckin’ incredible, man.’ Doug said, beaming, and my stomach twisted with pride in both of them. I loved how they cared for each other.

‘You can finish this another time if y’all want to hang out,’ I said, trying to sit up, but Leo spread his large hand across my stomach to hold me there. Fuck,fuck… I was in trouble. I avoided Doug’s eyes, not wanting him to see that I was very,veryhot for his best friend.

‘Don’t even think about it, munch.’

Rolling my eyes, I lay still as Doug laughed and continued exploring the shop, and Leo got back to work.

‘I love it.’

As I stood admiring the beautiful chandelier lotus tattoo on my ribs, Leo stood behind me, and my eyes met his. There was something there I hadn’t seen before, something that made my breath catch in my throat and my pulse quicken.

‘It symbolizes new beginnings,’ he said huskily, and I finally exhaled.

New beginnings. It was time to start over, and I was terrified of what that meant.

Let Me Help You

Leo

Five (and a half) Years Ago

‘Y’all don’t want mecramping your style,’ Zoe protested as Doug and I tried to get her to come for a drink with us. Shegripped my arm, squeezing my bicep slightly before dropping her hand.

‘Yes, we do.’ I grinned. ‘I opened my shop today, munch. Celebrate with me.’

‘Come on, Zo,’ Doug added.

‘Ugh.’ She groaned, and I knew she was in. ‘Just one drink then. I have to drive home.’

‘Take my bed. I’ll take the couch.’ I smirked, and she inhaled deeply. ‘I’ll cook you breakfast in the morning and send you on your way.’

‘He will, too. He’s had plenty of practice.’ Doug laughed and my stomach dropped.

‘You make ‘em breakfast?’ Zoe painted on a smile. ‘Damn, you are the real deal.’

‘Idiots, both of you.’

I turned and stomped off, hating that he’d made reference to the women I take home in front of her. To Doug, that comment was hilarious, poking fun at slutty Leo, the big joke that I'm some player, but I just wanted to punch him in the balls. She knows. I know she knows I’m not living the celibacy life, but I don’t need it brought up in front of her like it’s nothing. I guess to him, it is nothing. To Doug, Zoe is just my friend, like he is.

I’d never been so pissed off to see my best friend. While I was tattooing Zoe, something was happening. It feels shitty to admit to it. It feels worse because it made my dick hard, but the way she was looking at me, the way she breathed and swallowed and squeezed her legs together, I read her like a book; she was turned on, with me,byme. It’s been two years of nothing but a few texts between us, and then there she was, laid out for me and looking at me the way I look at a burger on cheat day. I’ve been with enough women to know all the signs, and I’ve been with enough women to know exactly what I wanted to do to her. Then her brother walked in, and all the blood that had been heading southscreamed retreat as I forced myself to remember where I was and who I was with.

Doug walking in was the human equivalent of letting a balloon go before you tie it off, and I hated him for it because in the two years since I fucked up that kiss, all I’ve wanted is a do-over. The chance to do it right and show her exactly how I feel about her.

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