Page 19 of My Promise To Keep

‘I’ll tell you what.’ This was a bad idea, I knew it was, but I’d promised to take care of her. Always. ‘Friday night, let me take you out.’

‘What?’

‘A practice date. We’ll get dressed up. I’ll take you somewhere nice. It’ll be a real first date as if we don’t know each other, but at least you know if you feel nervous at any point, that it’s just me.’

‘Leo.’

‘Let me help you.’

‘A practice date,’ she said, not breaking eye contact, and I nodded.

‘Okay,’ her response was a whisper before she pushed herself up to stand and gazed down at me, ‘where’s the bathroom?’

Oh God, I Giggled?

Zoe

Five (and a half) Years Ago

A practice date.

I considered it as I braced myself on the basin in the small bathroom. I’d had too much to drink to be thinking about anykind of date with Leo. I wasn’t drunk, but I was definitely riding a gentle buzz, and my attraction to him was strong.

I was into Leo — there was no doubting it now.

Being in Leo’s apartmentalone was strangely nice. I felt like I could soak him in without any guilt.

I drove up here earlier on, and while he was downstairs working, he told me to help myself to anything, make myself at home, and get ready for our date tonight.

I put on some music and took a shower, then, wrapped in one of his towels, with another covering my hair, I wandered around his space.

It was sohim. All cool, retro furniture pieces and bold artwork on the dark gray walls. I opened his closet and ran my fingers over the clothes hanging there. He was always so neat. Luke had taken a little more convincing and a whole lot of training to get him to use the laundry basket and know how to load the dishwasher. Leo liked order, he liked tidiness, and I loved that about him.

I resisted the urge to use his shower gel, wanting to smell like me tonight and not him, but in his bedroom, I couldn’t resist the need to inhale the woodsy scent of his cologne. Oh god, that did things to me. I knew now more than ever that I was too far gone in my attraction to him. I needed to find a way to switch it off.

Moving to his bed, I sat as my cell phone buzzed on the nightstand.

Bree:What are you doing tonight? I’m bored!

Shit. I hadn’t told Bree about the practice date. I couldn’t. When I’d told her about me kissing Leo, she had smiled and saidabout timeand that she knew there was something there. It made me uneasy because I didn’t want to acknowledge that she was right. Now, I was naked in his bedroom and getting ready to go on a date with him. Practice or not, I was nervous, and my twin knowing would make it a bigger deal than I had the head or heart space for.

Me:I have a migraine. I’m sleeping it off.

I hated lying to Bree. It wasn’t something I did lightly, but I needed to keep her off this scent before she started digging.

I put my phone on the nightstand, and my eyes fell on the drawer. Leo had left it partially open, and I shouldn’t. I knew I shouldn’t, but my curiosity about what a single man kept in there — whatLeokept in there — got the better of me.

I looked toward the door, even though I knew he wasn’t coming home until it was time for our date, then shaking my head, I opened the drawer.

The first thing I laid my eyes on was a tube of moisturizer and a ChapStick, which made me smile. Then I saw the jumbo box of condoms and inhaled sharply. I tried not to focus on the XL on the front of the box, but honestly, I couldn’t unsee that. I also couldn’t unsee the not one but three bottles of lube, the massage oil, and the silk ties; there was only one reason those ties were in the nightstand and not the closet, and the realization had me closing the drawer in a rush.

I wasn’t a prude, not by any means. I had loved sex with Luke. We were each other’s firsts and onlys, and we had dedicated our time together to learning together. We were adventurous and curious, and it was great, but since he died, my only sexual experiences were solo. I had toys and enjoyed using them, but seeing all these things in Leo’s drawer, considering the reality of how often he hooked up, had my brain going to places I didn’t need it to go.

I should have known better. I shouldn’t have snooped, but if I was honest, part of me wanted to see those things. Maybe it was to remind myself that Leo and I were not on the same page. He was out there, meeting women, getting laid, and I was just starting to consider that, really, for the first time. Or, maybe it was something else. Maybe the thought of him using those things was what I wanted, what I needed.

Inhaling deeply, I squeezed my eyes shut. I needed to stop this. This wasn’t real. He was helping me out, and I couldn’t go on this practice date with thoughts of him naked circling my brain.

I couldn’t help butlaugh as the knock on the door of Leo’s apartment told me he was there topick me up. He’d showered and got ready at his gym after his workout.

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