Page 103 of My Mistake To Make

‘Jessie.’ I raise my fist to bang on the door again when it opens, and someone resembling the girl I fell in love with all those years ago looks up at me.

She looks so young. I haven’t seen Jessie this way in so long, and it throws me off for a minute. Even in labor, she had on a full face of makeup. Now, her wet hair is pulled back into a bun, and she’s barefoot in sweatpants and a tank. I’m so used to seeing her in miniskirts and stiletto heels. She has a bare face, free from even mascara, which I notice because her eyes are red and a little puffy in the same way I saw when her mom and dad died and when I confronted her about cheating on me. She’s been crying.

‘Jess…’

‘Come in.’ She steps back, looking defeated.

‘Where’s Bo?’

‘Mrs. Abernathy took her to get ice cream.’

‘You were out of line today, Jess. You can’t go insulting people on their own property just because you can’t find me.’

She sits on one of the dining chairs and clasps her hands together on the table.

‘I don’t want to fight with you anymore.’

Her words shock me to silence. I stand, waiting for more, when she starts to cry again, covering her face with her hands.

I move to sit in the chair next to hers and put my hand on her shoulders. She might drive me crazy, but she’s the mother of my child, and she’s clearly hurting.

‘What’s going on, Jess? You can talk to me,’ I ask softly as she wipes away her tears and takes a few shaky breaths, then turns to face me and leans in.

It takes me a second to realize her lips are on mine, but when I do, I jump back to standing, knocking over the chair in the process.

‘What the fuck, Jessie?’ I stare at her, confused, and she stands, stepping in front of me.

‘I want us to try, Doug, try to be a family for Bowie.’ She reaches out for my waist, and I grab her wrists, holding them gently, stopping her from touching me.

‘No,’ I shake my head, ‘that can’t happen.’

‘I love you.’ She tries to step forward, and I step back. ‘Remember the spark we had, Doug. It could be like that always.’

I release her and put some space between us. There was a spark, of course there was, we were horny kids, but even if we didn’t have so much anger and resentment between us, I know now what it feels like when it’s real. I know what I want.

‘I don’t want that, Jessie,’ I say firmly. ‘You don’t love me. I don’t love you.’

‘Because ofher.’ She spits venomously, ah, there’s the serpent we know and love. ‘You think I don’t know that you’re fuckin’ that stupid, plain ass Reynolds bitch.’

I glare at her, ready to blow, just barely holding it together.

‘Oh, you lookrealmad, Doug. You think I’m going to let this happen? I warned you.’ Her voice shakes with rage, but more tears gather in her eyes, and I know now it’s all words. The sting in her tail is just for show.

‘I’m not fuckin’ her, Jess.’

‘Bullshit. I went up there last week and heard her screaming your goddam name,’ she screams, unhinged, ‘you don’t want people to know, shut the fuckin’ windows.’

Okay, rookie mistake, but I square my shoulders and try not to show a reaction.

‘I said I’m not fuckin’ her. I meant I’m notjustfuckin’ her,’ I step closer to her, and she clenches her jaw, her nostrils flaring with rage. ‘Because it’s more than that. What I have with Cara is everything I never imagined I’d be lucky enough to find. I’m going to marry her one day.’

And, oh shit, if I thought she was mad before, she completely loses it. Jessie screams and hits out at my chest. I hold her backas much as I can, leaning my head back to avoid the hits there and taking them to the torso.

‘Quit it, Jessie.’ I squeeze her arms a little tighter. ‘Jessie, fucking stop.’

‘You don’t know who she really is,’ she shrieks, ‘you have no idea. You can’t do this to me.’

‘Jessie, stop. Now.’ My voice is firm and commanding, and she looks up at me, tears rolling down her cheeks as her body shakes with emotion. ‘You need to stop. You and me ain’t happening. I’m with Cara, and I’m not listening to your threats anymore. I’m going to get Bowie. You’re in no fit state to be taking care of her tonight.’ I turn away, and she doesn’t move, doesn’t argue, and I know it’s time. ‘I want custody of Bowie, Jess. And you know that’s the right thing for all of us. I don’t want to fight you on this, but I will.’

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