Page 56 of My Mistake To Make

I glance back in the direction of the cabins, then climb into my truck and drive away.

‘Man, go back there,’ Leo encourages on the end of the phone. I drove up to Cara’s house instead of my mom’s, needing the quiet I get up here.

‘Did you not hear what I just told you? I walked out and left her without a word.’

‘Yeah, and for that, you are a dick, but seriously, go back, apologize, get on your knees, and beg for forgiveness, or just eat her pussy and convince her to forgive you that way.’ Fuck, I wish I could.

‘Why are we friends? For real, your advice sucks.’

He laughs, and I shake my head.

‘I have to get custody of Bowie. I can’t keep letting Jessie have this hold over me. If I weren’t scared of what she’d do, I’d be back there worshipping the shit out of Cara right now.’

‘Dude, you like this woman. Just take her on a date and see what this is. Fuck Jessie.’

‘I think I just blew any chance of ever taking her on a date. I just blew any chance with her, period.’

I hear my best friend take a long deep inhale, then blow it out.

‘I’m as single now as I ever was, so I don’t have the answers, but I want to see you happy.’

‘I need to get Bowie. I can’t think about anything or anyone else until that shit is done.’

‘Okay, brother.’ He sighs like he’s disappointed. ‘You know where I am.’

The call ends, and I stare out into the dark night, then turn to look up at the house. I don’t know if I’ll be coming back here. I might have just lost my job as well as the girl. I fucked up, bad.

The house is silentwhen I get home and make my way upstairs. I need to take a shower. My behavior tonight has me all knotted up, and I can’t get into bed and go to sleep feeling this way. I also can’t go in to check on Bo when I can still smell Cara on me. It feels wrong.

I shower and pull on some flannel pajama pants, then head into Bree and Zoe’s old room, Bowie’s room here now, and smile as I see my beautiful baby girl. The nightlight makes it easy to spot her upside down in her bed, her arms and legs splayed out in all directions, the pant legs of her PJs halfway up her legs, and her hair falling out of the braids my sisters put in before bed. Harley lifts her head and sleepily wags her tail from her bed on the floor next to Bowie’s. I bend to pet her, and she settles back down.

‘I love you, angel,’ I whisper as I lean in to kiss Bo’s head, and she shuffles her body, readjusting and letting out a little toot that makes me laugh. ‘You stink, but I love you.’

I back out of the room and shut the door, then head to my room. I know I won’t be sleeping any time soon, so I sit at my desk and open my laptop. I need a distraction, I think. I need to get my head on straight. I need to get out of Forest Falls.

Cara

He left.

Before I’d even opened my eyes, he was out of the door. Am I really that much of a disappointment? Is it because I didn’t touch him? He didn’t really give me the opportunity to.

I let myself romanticize this whole orgasm thing. I thought it would be bliss before, during, and after. I certainly never imagined I’d be left feeling exposed and embarrassed, and rejected.

The music and laughter in the next cabins have stopped, and the silence makes it all feel worse.

I should shower, but I can’t bring myself to face my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I’ve never felt so stupid in my life.

He gave me an out. He told me to tell him to stop, and I was so wrapped up in him that I didn’t. It didn’t cross my mind that he actually wanted me to.

Hot tears collect in my eyes and escape before I can consider stopping them. This hurts. Being made to feel so amazing and then so worthless by a man who has repeatedly messed with my head is surely nobody’s fault but my own. He said he didn’t like me, and I let him kiss me. He said he didn’t like me, and I let him—no, I can’t think about it anymore.

I turn my face into the pillow beneath my head and let the emotions pour out of me. I wanted to understand this whole arousal thing. I brought this on myself.

My body starts tomove, and my consciousness rouses, but I can’t open my eyes. I cried for I don’t know how long before I exhausted myself and fell asleep. Now they’re swollen and scratchy, and honestly, even if I could open them, I don’t want to face the reality of the day. Instead, I pull the blanket up over my head and try to drift back to sleep. The knocking on the cabin door stops that.

I release a sigh and push myself up, then make my way over to the door and pull it open.

‘I brought breakfast,’ Bree says, holding up a paper bag with Merv’s Diner printed on the side.

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