Page 7 of My Mistake To Make

‘I know, but she thought of you all the time.’

I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head, then reeled off my very simple, very logical email address and pressed my forehead against the cool wall.

‘Ellis, I’m sorry for your loss.’

‘Thank you, Cara.’

And that was that. The line clicked, the call ended, and the only living connection to my mum was dead.

I lost my appetite. I tried to eat some of the food Dad had cooked, but I suddenly wasn’t very hungry anymore.

My grandmother. A woman I had only ever seen two photographs of. A woman I had never spoken to, never met, and yet I couldn’t stop the tears that fell as I shut my bedroom door after dinner.

I was angry. I had been robbed of that side of my family, robbed of a link to my American side, and honestly, I didn’t really know who to blame. Mum hardly talked about her family, just that she had to leave when she got pregnant, and I knewthat her dad had passed away and her mum had eventually remarried. I always assumed her family had disowned her, sent her packing, and never spoken to her again—but my grandma knew my name. They had Dad’s phone number. She thought of me often. Nothing made sense, and I felt sick.

I opened my laptop and clicked on my emails. True to his word, there was an email there from Ellis.

Opening it up with a deep inhale, I saw the attachment. Clicking it, I laid my eyes upon the handwriting of Roberta, my grandmother, and something about that broke my heart.

I sobbed. My hands covered my face. This is the handwriting I should have been seeing on birthday and Christmas cards my whole life. Instead, the first time I saw it was her goodbye. The lack of control over the situation ate at me. I couldn’t do anything to change this. I couldn’t go back and ask Mum all the questions in my mind. I couldn’t meet Roberta and ask her why she was never in my life. I took some deep breaths and steadied myself, then started to read.

Darling Cara,

That probably seems a little strange, me calling you that when we never got the chance to meet in person, but that’s what you are, my darling.

Like you, your mother was an only child. I don’t know if you knew that, but that means you’re it, my only grandchild and I never got to feel your tiny hand in mine. I’ve lived all these years in regret over that.

I don’t know what you were told, and I won’t use this opportunity to lay out a past neither one of us can change. We all made mistakes, and we all had to live with them.

Mistakes. Me.

I’m sure you know a little about the town your mama grew up in. I hope so anyway because it’s a pretty special place.Forest Falls. A tiny little town where everyone knows everyone, and you can’t fart without someone knowing it’s your scent.

I laugh loudly, the words of this old lady surprising me.

Once your mama was gone, I couldn’t bear to live there anymore, not without her, so we left. Just packed up and shipped out to the next town over and never ventured back to Forest Falls, not even once. I miss that little town. I miss the community spirit. I miss the land I grew up on, the land I raised my daughter on, and I miss my old house.

That old house was so beautiful, Cara. It was a farmhouse once. We had pigs and cows—even had a pond with ducks and a coop full of chickens. The farming dropped off, and we made it a family home. My husband wasn’t a farmer—he tried, bless his heart, but the man was not cut out for that life. Still, he had other uses, so I kept him around.

I laugh again, feeling even sadder that I won’t get to meet this woman.

Anyway, it broke my heart to leave that old house. I couldn’t bring myself to sell it. I hoped one day maybe your mama would come home and take it on, your dad and you too, of course. I wanted nothing more than to have you close by, but it wasn’t to be.

Now, the decision is being taken away from me. They always told me I should quit smoking, and I didn’t listen. Well, it bit me right in the ass, and I need to start tying up those loose ends before it gets me.

I asked Ellis to wait until I’m gone to send this to you. As much as I want to meet you, and as many years as I’ve spent dreaming of that, I don’t want you to meet a dying lady, too weak to answer all the questions you must have. I’m sorry, Cara. I wish I could have had the courage to write this letter before it was too late.

So here we are, my darling girl. Hello and goodbye.

Oh, also, you are now the hopefully proud owner of that old house as well as the bank account with your name on it that the manager of Forest Falls Independent Bank has all the details for. I’ve been putting money aside for you your whole life, honey, now it’s yours, but you have to go to Forest Falls to get your hands on it. You have twelve months from the date of my death before it all gets donated to charity. I understand if you don’t want it, but I hope you do… Forest Falls is a magical place, and I’d love nothing more than for them to open their arms to you.

What the hell?

Book a plane ticket. You have a house waiting for you.

I love you, sweetheart. I’m so sorry you never got to hear me say that in person… I’m also sorry that the house is a fixer-upper, but hey, it ain’t as if you’re broke!

Ellis will be on hand to help you with anything you need. Also Marissa, his granddaughter, can steer you in the right direction. She’s your age, so hopefully, you’ll have some things in common.

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