Page 4 of Hula Girl

It hurt to have him speak so dismissively of my ability to have both a career and a family. And yet, I couldn’t deny that I knew where he was coming from. I’d spent the last six years single-mindedly devoted to my work. I regularly spent twelve hours a day at the office, six days a week. What free time I had, I spent visiting with my mother. But that didn’t mean that I wasn’t capable of figuring out the right balance … one day. His disregard for this, on top of his surprising definition of marriage being all about the superficial—a big ring and a flashy ceremony—rather than a commitment made out of love, woke me to the realization that we were living in two different worlds.

It also made me realize that there was no point in being with someone who felt that way.

“You have no idea who I am,” I said, almost absentmindedly.

“What?” he asked with a laugh. He clearly thought I was toying with him.

“You don’t know me. You don’t know what I really want,” I said.

The look of condescending amusement he gave me was a combination of the alcohol he’d already had and the arrogance I’d always generously excused as confidence.

“Don’t I?” he asked with a suggestive grin, completely ignoring the gravity of what I had said as he pulled me to him, an arm around my waist. He always took an inordinate amount of pride whenever he satisfied me in bed. I mean, the sex was good, but it wasn’t spectacular. He got the job done and no more, really. And now he seemed to want to try to shift our talk into an area where he thought he had the ability to please me.

Despite the hunger in his eyes, however, there was zero chance he’d be having sex tonight. At least not with me. My own eyes were wide open now to just how wrong he and I were together. And yes, I’ll admit that my ego was also bruised. What those things added up to was that I couldn’t let this relationship go on.

Just as I was ready to pull away and let him down gently, he tightened his grip around my waist and leaned his body against me.

“It’s been too long,” he said, kissing my cheek and neck.

“You don’t know what I want,” I told him again, wanting to return to what I’d said earlier, wanting him to acknowledge what I really meant.

His hand fell to my ass. “I’ll give you anything you want, baby.”

I pulled on his tie so that he leaned even closer to me. My breasts pressed against his chest and I could feel him starting to respond to our bodies being so close together.

I bit my lip seductively and asked, “Anything?”

That got a stupefied nod out of him.

That’s when I released my hold on his tie and took a step backward. “What Iwantis what you can’t give me.”

Now my entirely serious tone got his attention. But he was mostly just confused, apparently unable to fathom what I was really getting at.

“What is it that you want, Ava?” he asked flatly.

“I want it all,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. “I want my career and I want a fairy-tale love story. And I want someone who understands that.”

That only further confused him. Once he realized I had no intention of either sleeping with him or staying in a relationship with him and he lashed out.

“You are not the fairy-tale princess type,” he said with a scoff. “You actually have to give a little to be in a relationship, you know?”

I’ve long known I’m not perfect. I clearly don’t know how to create a work—life balance. But I’ve never thought that made me incapable or unworthy of one day finding it.

“You’re wrong,” I said. “I told you. You don’t know me.”

He raised his hands in defeat. “How could I, Ava? How could I when you never let me into your life?”

That might have been a valid point. Actually, in hindsight, itwasa valid point. I hadn’t given everything to him that I could have. But at that moment, I wasn’t ready to admit it. Instead, I just shook my head. Then, I went inside and gave my sincere regrets to his family, saying I was sorry to cut the evening short, but I’d promised to take my mother to mass.

They didn’t know that my mother isn’t religious and that there was no mass planned, of course. How could they? They didn’t know her. In truth, I’d never even introduced Bryce to her.

But I did go straight to her house in Boyle Heights, confess everything to her, and let her make it all better with her homemade pozole soup andTajinpopcorn.

* * *

My mother,Rafaela, is the one I always turn to. She’s the kind of mother and friend everyone should have. She’s that to our whole neighborhood. Though she works tirelessly to run her own house-cleaning business, she always has time to lend an ear or offer some comfort food to anyone in need.

And she’s who I called on my third night in Maui when I couldn’t take the isolation and lack of work engagement anymore.

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