Page 82 of Hula Girl

She gasps. “Why would he do that? Can he return it?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I don’t know why he’s done a lot of things, honestly.”

Sitting back against the cushions, I close my eyes. A blur of images comes to mind. Not the sexy moments we’ve had, but the moments of genuine connection. The times when I opened up to him about my father, about how hard I worked to help keep my mother from falling apart after he passed, about how I’ve dedicated my life to finding success in my career. And all the while, he listened and offered gentle support. More than that, actually. He gave me big gestures like with the Dodgers game, and even with this ring. Why did he buy me a real ring? He didn’t have to do that. And why did he say that I haven’t let him in. Doesn’t he know that I’ve let him in more than I’ve let any other man in? Though my eyes are closed, I have to open them to blink away the tears that are forming.

“There isn’t a lot of ‘pretend’ in this thing you’re doing with him, is there?”

“What?” I sit upright and try to put on a blank mask.

“Ava,” she says softly. “It’s okay that you feel something real for him. I can see why you would. He’s very good looking.”

That makes me laugh, which I know was her intention.

“But also, he seems to feel something for you, too.”

I shake my head. “It’s no use, that’s the thing. He’s going back to Maui. I’m staying here.”

“That’s the end of the story?”

I nod. “That’s the end ofourstory.”

“There’s no chance one of you can move to be with the other?”

“No, it doesn’t seem so.” I laugh in frustration. “I just—I really don’t discount the work that he does at the music school, but I just wish he was open to moving here. I mean, why can’thebe the one to give up his life to be here with me? Why does the woman always have to make the sacrifice?”

“Like I did to be with your father?” Mama asks gently.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. That was different. You chose that, right? You didn’t feel like your hand was forced, did you?”

“No, not in the way you’re thinking. I mean, it was hard to leave Zacatecas. I had my family and friends there, of course. But with your father, I got so much more. He was what Ineeded. I’m not ashamed to admit that.”

“And I love that. But I need more than a man. I need my job. I need to feel like I’m accomplishing things.”

“You deserve every happiness,mija.”

I lean into her, and she wraps her arm around me. “Thank you, Mama.”

“Just don’t let the happiness of your heart suffer by thinking it shouldn’t come first.”

“What are you saying?”

“This man, he cares for your heart. That makes him a chance worth taking.”

“This isn’t the same as it was with you and Papa,” I say, suppressing a yawn.

“No, not the same,” she agrees. “But not all that different from what I can tell.”

“You just like him because he atesixof your enchiladas the other night.”

She laughs. “Probably so,mija.”

* * *

After we cleanout the popcorn bowl and shut off the TV, I go to bed. As tired as I am, though, I can’t sleep. Instead, I lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I wonder what Ford is doing. I wonder if he’ll want to see me again before he leaves for Maui.

Purely as a thought-exercise, I try to envision what it would look like if I did as he suggested and moved to Maui. I’d be walking away from all the years I invested in Miller, Newell & Kahn. I’d be walking away from a clear career path. I’d have to study for and pass the Hawai‘i bar exam. And there’s no guarantee that I would be able to create a successful practice. I also wouldn’t have my mother close by. And I’d never see the Dodgers play in person.

It sounds terrible so far. Turning on my side, I try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I’d live on an island paradise without all the Los Angeles drawbacks like smog, and traffic, and crime. I’d have complete control over whether I succeed or fail with my career if I had my own practice. I might even be able to make my own hours and create that elusive work—life balance I keep saying I want but haven’t managed to find yet. I’d watch every Dodgers game on TV, just like I have for all these years. I’d bring Mama over to visit, and maybe even convince her to retire there and live a well-deserved life of leisure. And, I’d have Ford. Ford, the man who has turned my world upside down and shown me an incredible amount of caring in such a short time.

---