“Just tell me—was she the only one? Or have there been more?”
“She wasn’t anything. I swear to you, I didn’t fuck her. And I’ve never messed around like that before.” Over the years, there had been countless temptations from women eager to give themselves to him, ranging from young groupies to sophisticated women who attempted real seduction. But he’d never truly been tempted. He’d never been weak enough to do the wrong thing.
Until now.
Again, she searched his eyes for the truth. “Okay,” she whispered.
It didn’t make any sense to him, but he knew better than to question it. Instead, he followed her inside and sat with her on the sofa. They didn’t speak, but little by little she let him pull her into his arms. They stayed there, quiet and entwined, for a long while.
As Gavin held her, he thought of all he had jeopardized and who he had become. It shamed him to know that he had treated his wife with such disrespect. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he was less than a man.
At that moment, Sophie rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. The gesture brought him to tears for he knew that she had been pushed beyond her limits and yet she was still hanging on.
“Gavin?” she whispered.
“Yes, darlin’?”
“How many times do you think you can break my heart before it completely shatters and there’s no putting it back together?”
He felt a sharp pain in his chest and held her tighter to him. “I’m going to stop. I’m all out and I won’t get any more.”
“Uh-huh,” she said.
“Really, darlin’. It’s time to give it up.”
“Okay.”
There was no faith or hope in her voice, and he hated himself all the more.
85
GAVIN
“So, what of all the rumors about drug use?” Sean Reynolds asked without preamble.
Gavin had braced himself for such a tack, so he wasn’t surprised, even though the live audience seemed to be. They murmured collectively and then hushed. James had arranged his appearance on the acerbic presenter’s show just the day before. James had been at the band’s jam session and was delighted to see that Gavin was several days sober. The idea behind putting him on the show was to combat the cocaine and stripper stories that had dominated the tabloids. James had even begged Gavin to have Sophie join him, but Gavin was not only adamantly against drawing her into this, but also unable to as she was in Prague for work.
“Lots of rumors out there,” Gavin agreed. Though he was too thin, he had cleaned up well for the show. A trip to a barber meant his short hair now had some style, with the sides and back at a close fade and the top a bit longer and tamed by gel. Even with jeans that were baggy on him, the rest of his ensemble—a dark blue fitted wool coat over a blue-green striped V-neck sweater, with a brown leather belt and boots—negated his recent sloppy tabloid images.
“Yes, let’s talk about all those pesky cocaine rumors. Clear the air, if you will. Don’t your fans deserve that much?” Reynolds asked with a salacious grin.
Reynolds had a reputation for putting his guests in uncomfortable positions, and now was no exception, especially since he had a personal stake in this. He’d been the radio DJ to play Rogue’s first demo and gotten in trouble with the station for it. Though he failed to air the more polished demo Gavin and Conor later asked him to play, he had taken every opportunity to tell the world he had discovered Rogue. When the band hadn’t backed him up on this claim, he’d grown bitter and traded his praise for barbs, especially as he gained his own platform with his chat show.
“What they deserve is to know that everything’s fine with me, everything’s fine with Rogue. In fact, we’re working on our new album now and it’s going really well.”
“The artful dodger, aye?” Reynolds asked. “But we all know you’re here for damage control, don’t we? Let’s talk about Sammy-the-stripper.”
“Listen, that episode was not one of my proudest moments.” Gavin paused to let the sincerity of that statement sink in. “But, to be honest, haven’t we all at some point had a drink too many and gone a bit too far? Most go down to their local and only have a few witnesses, yeah? It can still be a bitch to get past all the good craic that comes out of making an arse out of yourself.”
There was a ripple of knowing laughter in the audience.
“My fuckups, if you’ll pardon the expression, are a bit more documented. But, really, aren’t I tame compared to the likes of that Justin Bieber kid? All that underage drinking and public pissing in buckets,” he said with a wink and a tsk.
Reynolds ignored the new round of laughter from the crowd and pressed on. “She claims you got on quite well, that you were intimate.”
“You all saw what that intimacy entailed,” Gavin said, alluding to the tabloid photo of the stripper on his lap. “Nothing more to it than that.”
“Interesting. Then what’s this about her claiming familiarity with a tattoo of yours?”