Page 147 of Tangled Up In You

“Yes, of course. I’ve just been in a good place here. You know that. I haven’t done any coke in more than three weeks. I didn’t want to ruin the streak.”

She winced. “And coming home would do that?”

“Let’s talk later, darlin’. I don’t want to leave Jackson waiting. He’s been great, by the way. Really helped me stay on the straight and narrow, if you can believe that.”

“Can’t you call him and say we’re not up for dinner?”

He pulled on her hand. “We’re almost there. Let’s just have a nice meal.”

“Gavin, I’m pregnant.”

He stopped and turned to her, incredulous. “Say that again?”

She repeated the news, adding, “It’s a total surprise, I know. I must have missed my pill, got off schedule, and, well, we’re going to have a baby.”

He looked away and took a deep breath. “A baby,” he murmured on the exhale.

“I know the timing is terrible. And look, I get that you were moving in a completely different direction. I’m not trying to force anything here with this. I just thought you should know.”

“You thought I should know?” he asked with confusion, turning back to her.

“It’s obvious you’re done with us, that you’ve been done. I finally get it.” She tried to keep her voice steady and her eyes dry. “But this is still something good we made,” she said, touching her belly, “and we can be parents even if we’re not together.”

Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t get it. I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m not done with us, for fuck’s sake. I’ve been out here working so hard to get clean so that there can be an us.”

“How can you say that? How can you expect me to believe that when you’ve pulled so far away from me—even after you got clean?”

An older woman with two long gray braids was walking a terrier down the path, and Gavin kept quiet until she had passed.

“Sophie, I only stayed away because I didn’t know how to face you again,” he told her urgently. “I’m so fucking ashamed of what I became, of how I let you down. I’ve got your words burned into my heart about how I made you weak and selfish just so I could have you by my miserable fucking side. The fact that I did that kills me. And I’ve been trying to get my nerve up to earn your forgiveness, to be the man you deserve. I didn’t want to go back until I was sure I could make things right.”

Now tears filled her eyes and she didn’t try to blink them back. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” she asked in a whisper.

He smiled weakly. “I didn’t think you’d believe me. I’ve broken your trust in so many ways. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt you so much. And I’m so sorry for that.” He reached out and cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

Though she deserved his apologies, it didn’t seem fair to her that he was taking all the blame for wrongdoing. “Gavin, I’m not innocent. I?—”

Before she could continue, he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pressed his face to her belly.

“I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking to start again. Let me try to be what you need for once. I want to be a parent with you, a father to this child.”

“Baby, get up. Please. You have to know that I have regrets too.” All the guilt she should have had about Conor before came rushing to her now. She had her own apologies and requests for forgiveness to make, only he didn’t know it.

He shook his head against her. “I just want to move forward, darlin’. Don’t let’s go backwards.”

She tried to pull him up but he was holding fast to her, so she went to her knees with him and wrapped her arms around his neck, sinking heavily into him so that he faltered for a moment. Her relief at hearing him say this was so great that she discarded all the other issues they had. It was selective denial in favor of hope for a new, better future.

As soon as Sophie heard the garage door open, she went downstairs to meet Gavin in the foyer. It felt like hours before he opened the door to let himself in, and in that time her anxiety built until her body trembled. She didn’t know how it would feel to see him after all these weeks, not just because he had left their home to “get well” and hadn’t returned once he was better, but because of what had happened with Conor. Would he somehow know she had been with another man? Then, of course, there was the baby. As well as she knew him, she couldn’t envision his reaction to this unexpected pregnancy.

When he stepped into the foyer, all the conflicting thoughts melted away. She was relieved to see that he looked remarkably healthy, especially compared to the last time she saw him. His eyes were clear and he had his usual few days’ worth of beard growth. The navy blue, long-sleeve O’Neil tee shirt and jeans he wore with flip-flops made him look like a handsome beach bum. Most of all, however, it was the broad smile on his face that made her feel at ease.

“Darlin,” he said, “I’m so glad you came.” He pulled her into his arms, kissed her cheek and lips, and held her for a long moment. “Let me look at you.” Taking a step back, he looked her up and down.

“Do I look different?” she asked.

“You’re gorgeous as always.”

“You look really good, baby. Like your old self.”

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