Page 148 of Tangled Up In You

He nodded. “I feel good.”

“So, I?—”

“Are you hungry? You must be. We’re walking over to Abbot Kinney to meet Jackson for dinner. He should be getting us the table now, so we’d better run.”

She hadn’t expected to have company on the night of their reunion. “Wait, Gavin. I don’t want to go out to dinner with Jackson. I want—I need to talk to you.”

“Well, it would be rude to cancel now. He drove all the way out here from the Hills. Let’s talk as we walk, yeah?”

She was too dumbfounded to argue as he led her out of the house. To get to the restaurant, they would walk along the canal and down busy South Venice Boulevard until they reached boutique and restaurant-laden Abbot Kinney Boulevard. It was less than a mile away, which meant she had limited time to say anything of importance to him. She wondered if this was his aim, if he had wanted a buffer between them. If he really was ready to end their marriage, yet not eager to say the necessary words, this would be a good strategy.

While still on the canal, with the relative quiet, she took his hand and forced him to stop walking. The water was aglow in patches where nearby houses had their shades open and lights on. Colorful canoes and kayaks were tied up near some of the homes, but otherwise they were alone.

“Gavin, wait a second, okay?”

He turned to her expectantly.

“I, um, I came here, I came all the way here to see you?—”

“And here I am,” he said with a smile.

“Were you planning on coming home?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve just been in a good place here. You know that. I haven’t done any coke in more than three weeks. I didn’t want to ruin the streak.”

She winced. “And coming home would do that?”

“Let’s talk later, darlin’. I don’t want to leave Jackson waiting. He’s been great, by the way. Really helped me stay on the straight and narrow, if you can believe that.”

“Can’t you call him and say we’re not up for dinner?”

He pulled on her hand. “We’re almost there. Let’s just have a nice meal.”

“Gavin, I’m pregnant.”

He stopped and turned to her, incredulous. “Say that again?”

She repeated the news, adding, “It’s a total surprise, I know. I must have missed my pill, got off schedule, and, well, we’re going to have a baby.”

He looked away and took a deep breath. “A baby,” he murmured on the exhale.

“I know the timing is terrible. And look, I get that you were moving in a completely different direction. I’m not trying to force anything here with this. I just thought you should know.”

“You thought I should know?” he asked with confusion, turning back to her.

“It’s obvious you’re done with us, that you’ve been done. I finally get it.” She tried to keep her voice steady and her eyes dry. “But this is still something good we made,” she said, touching her belly, “and we can be parents even if we’re not together.”

Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t get it. I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m not done with us, for fuck’s sake. I’ve been out here working so hard to get clean so that there can be an us.”

“How can you say that? How can you expect me to believe that when you’ve pulled so far away from me—even after you got clean?”

An older woman with two long gray braids was walking a terrier down the path, and Gavin kept quiet until she had passed.

“Sophie, I only stayed away because I didn’t know how to face you again,” he told her urgently. “I’m so fucking ashamed of what I became, of how I let you down. I’ve got your words burned into my heart about how I made you weak and selfish just so I could have you by my miserable fucking side. The fact that I did that kills me. And I’ve been trying to get my nerve up to earn your forgiveness, to be the man you deserve. I didn’t want to go back until I was sure I could make things right.”

Now tears filled her eyes and she didn’t try to blink them back. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” she asked in a whisper.

He smiled weakly. “I didn’t think you’d believe me. I’ve broken your trust in so many ways. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt you so much. And I’m so sorry for that.” He reached out and cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

---