Page 153 of Tangled Up In You

Gavin got lost in thought. They sat together quietly.

Suddenly, Gavin pounded his fist on the table. His voice shook from a raw combination of hurt and anger. “Don’t you know I could fucking kill him?”

Shay ran his hands over his closely buzzed strawberry-blond hair. “Is this going to make you disappear off into coke again, then?”

Gavin’s eyes widened at the directness of the question. Then he laughed. “The thought has crossed my mind.”

“Well, don’t fucking do it,” Shay told him urgently.

“I’m trying really hard, Seamus. It’s no lie to say it’s not easy, though.”

Shay shook his head in frustration. The silence stretched out between them.

“For fuck’s sake,” Gavin finally said with a tortured moan, “we were writing love songs to the same woman. No wonder we were such a great songwriting team.”

“You still are.”

Gavin closed his eyes and let his head drop. After a moment, he looked up and stared at the small piece of colorful artwork on the wall. It wasn’t clear whether a child had done it or if it had been made to look inexpert.

“She’s pregnant,” he said.

Shay met his eyes in surprise.

“Says it’s mine,” he said. “I can’t imagine she’d ever lie about that. But it muddies things even more.”

“Gavin, this makes a difference. If she’s pregnant and she wants to be with you, then don’t hesitate.”

“That’s what my mind tells me. But, fuck, Seamus, all of my heart aches with the thought that she loves him. There was love involved in this thing. How do I move forward?”

“Find a way. Find it.”

Gavin nodded. That was his challenge. He had to somehow find a way to accept what had happened. He had asked so much of her over the years, couldn’t he bury this episode and move on? Surely other couples had managed this or worse. He had to be a better man. He had to swallow his pride.

And for a moment, he believed he could. But then the vision of her giving herself to Conor came to him. It wasn’t just fucking. She had been sure to tell him that. His wife had been in love with another man. With the worst possible other man. It hadn’t just been sex, and that made it far harder to forgive and get past, no matter the ways in which he had pushed her away and likely driven her into Conor’s arms.

So much for the vaunted “fearless” thing he had claimed they possessed in that famous line from “You’re My One.” Because the truth was that he was scared. Scared that he didn’t have the strength to move forward and make things right.

94

CONOR

Conor could have punched in the access code at the gate at Gavin’s house, but he decided instead to buzz the intercom. It had been three days since the tabloids reported Gavin’s return to Dublin. Conor hadn’t been able to take the anticipation of the confrontation he expected any longer, and decided to force the issue himself.

After several fruitless tries at the intercom, he pulled his car to alongside the stone wall and got out. He leaned against the car door and dialed Gavin’s cell.

The corresponding ring had a surround-sound to it, as he heard it in his own phone and in the air behind him. Turning, he saw that Gavin was returning from a run, clad in tracksuit bottoms, long-sleeve tee shirt, and trainers. The idea of Gavin purposefully exercising was almost as shocking as the haggard look on his face.

“What the fuck do you want?” Gavin asked. He said it without malice, though, as he brushed past him to punch in the access code to the gate. “Sophie’s not here. She’s in L.A.”

Conor knew that. She had called to warn him about Gavin finding out about them. He’d been dumbfounded, but hadn’t pressed her to explain why she had confessed.

“I want to talk to you, Gav,” he said.

Gavin didn’t reply and instead walked up the drive. Conor followed him, a step behind. They were halfway to the house when Gavin turned around to face him.

“Just have your say. Go ahead and be done with it,” he said.

“Here’s the thing,” Conor started. “I took advantage of a bad situation. She was weak and lonely. It was just once and I’ll always regret it.”

---