Page 33 of Tangled Up In You

Conor was notorious for never overindulging in alcohol. Not only could he hold his liquor, but he never got hungover. Hell, no matter how late they were out partying, Conor always got up early the next day to work out. He possessed a rare and, honestly, annoying, kind of discipline. Annoying because discipline wasn’t something Gavin was normally associated with. He was more of a follow-your-heart, spontaneous kind of person.

After a minute more of moody silence, Conor dropped his book onto his lap and said, “You could have reached out to her, you know?”

Even though he hadn’t spoken to Conor about Sophie in ages, he wasn’t surprised his friend had sussed out that there was more on his mind than a hangover. Conor was there, after all, when Sophie left Dublin.

He’d been shattered.

Both because he truly couldn’t imagine life without her and also because her leaving triggered the same kind of abandonment issues he’d struggled with for most of his life. Resentment that she—the one person he’d thought was his safe space—was responsible for that searing pain all over again soon followed. His gut reaction was to feel betrayed. Logically, he knew she had no choice but to go back home, but it was both his worst and best trait that he led with his heart. And his heart turned her into the thief of his common sense on the matter. If she could walk away that easily, he’d rationalized, then he mustn’t have mattered all that much to her.

So, he’d gone on with his life, forcing her from his consciousness while indulging in the many oh-so-willing young women he encountered in the music scene and especially on tour. This was the life he’d always envisioned. Amazing times with his best friends, making music, partying, and sleeping with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Then why did he ever entertain the possibility of seeing Sophie at the past two shows? Opening himself up to that fantasy earned him nothing but disappointment.

“Let’s do ‘So Real.’”

He looked up to find Conor had abandoned his book and was sitting opposite him at the small table.

Thankfully, Conor had dropped his question about Gavin being the one to reach out to Sophie. Focusing on music instead was just what he needed, not reminiscing about a girl he’d never see again.

Having just one album of their own songs to play, they had to flesh out their sets with covers and had been working lately on a couple of songs from Jeff Buckley’s album Grace. Conor had long been itching to put “So Real” on the setlist since it would give him the chance to toy with feedback on the guitar.

“What about ‘Lover, You Should’ve Come Over’?” Gavin suggested and sang the line about being too young to keep love from going wrong. It was one of those hurts-so-good lines that he wished he had written for himself. It was so fitting to his experience, after all.

“Nah, let’s not indulge your moodiness with that one,” Conor said.

“All right. Here’s what we’ll do,” Gavin said, and wrote the song title “Last Goodbye” because he knew it would make the girls in the audience scream when he sang one particular line that sounded like a flirty invitation.

Conor nodded.

“What did you decide?” Shay asked, not taking his eyes off the wall-mounted monitor. He and Martin were still deep into their game.

When Gavin told him the name of the song, Martin sang the line Gavin had in mind when he chose it, belting out an ear-splitting falsetto: “Kiss me, please kiss me.”

“You’re rubbish, Marty. Never do that again,” Gavin said with a laugh.

Martin and the others joined in the laughter. Soon he and Shay were back to their game and Conor had returned to his book.

Gavin looked down at the setlist but all he saw was a fleeting memory of Sophie. It was her smiling at him before turning away, her long blond hair swinging over her shoulder. He had played that image in his mind over and over in the last few years. It was the hint of her smile before he lost sight of her that captivated him. There was warmth, sweetness, and a teasing flirt in that small gesture. It was everything Sophie. But he knew there was no point in holding on to that vision. Especially because the good memories were tainted by the ache of loss.

When she’d left him, he knew he couldn’t keep in touch with her. It would’ve been too painful. Seeing her again would only rip open the wounds he’d let scar over.

It was for the best that she didn’t show up to their gigs. Sophie wasn’t a part of his life and never would be again. It was time to push thoughts of her away.

16

SOPHIE

Sophie felt every beat of her heart as she watched Gavin from her stage-left vantage point at the Palladium. It turned out that Gracelyn’s uncle had connections at Rogue’s label, and so getting both tickets and backstage passes was far easier than she thought it would be.

Watching Gavin command the stage was fascinating. She had always thought he exuded that rare kind of star power that makes others stop and pay attention, but this performance was on another level. In just the last couple of years, he had grown into a true frontman who could own the stage. The audience was in his thrall, responding to his slightest command as he gripped the microphone and sang with that distinctive, slightly raspy, and intensely passionate voice. Sweat dripped down his face, and his eyes were wide as he implored the fans to sing with him.

It wouldn’t surprise her if those fans, especially the female fans, were hoping he was singing directly to them. The first time he’d sung to her—just a few lines from a Bowie song—she’d been intoxicated by it. But when he sang a song he wrote just for her, complete with the band backing him up, she’d fallen so hard for him that she didn’t think she’d ever recover from it.

As soon as the house lights came up, she and Gracelynn used their VIP passes to wind their way backstage and into the room where the after-party was already in full-swing. It was crowded with Hollywood wannabes trying to talk over the music, and the air was a pungent mix of perfume, weed, and sweat. They stood just inside the doorway, absorbing it all.

“Wait, is that who I think it is?” Gracelyn said, pointing out an up and coming actor.

“Yeah, it is. And it looks like he brought his whole crew.” Sophie nodded her head toward the group of guys who were lingering near the actor. The gang of them unapologetically called themselves the “Pussy Hounds.”

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