Page 42 of Tangled Up In You

“But then you went for Conor straight away and it made me burn with jealousy. The way you smiled at him. The way you looked at him. The way you touched his fuckingbarechest. Even the way you held his hand until the last second when you started toward me. All of that was what I’d thought was only for me.”

She shifted to look at him. “But, baby, he’s not?—”

“I know. I know he’s not who you came to see, that you’d never be after him and he’d never be after you. But that jealousy was there. And then it led to me thinking about how you left, about how I told myself it was so easy for you. That it must have meant we didn’t mean all that much in the end.”

“That’s not true. I would have stayed with you if I could have.”

“I got invested in my version, is what I’m saying. Because it helped me get by. It helped me not be destroyed by missing you. So, when you showed up, I had all these tangled up feelings that I couldn’t control. I didn’t want to go through it again. I didn’t want to feel that pain of you leaving like before. It came out in the worst possible way of trying to act like I didn’t care. But, darlin’, I was nothing but a fool, lost in my confusion and pain. And I’m so sorry for taking it out on you. I’m so sorry.”

She turned so that she was facing him, her body halfway on his, looking into his eyes for a long moment. He hoped she could see that he meant this apology with every part of his being.

In silent answer, she kissed his cheeks, then his forehead, then his lips. First, the kiss was soft, chaste. But it soon intensified and she straddled his hips, ready for a true makeup session.

23

GAVIN

The night passed in a dreamlike daze as they alternated between making love, talking about the events they had missed in each other’s lives, and sleeping for brief periods. Gavin couldn’t bear to bring up the real world and whether they would exist together in it. For the time being, he was content that their reality was contained in his small room at the Chateau Marmont.

They got hungry at four in the morning and Gavin charmed room service into providing a random and indulgent assortment of things: French fries, pancakes, and buttermilk fried chicken. They made a picnic out of it on the bed, and as the sun was beginning to rise they ate and talked.

“You remember right before you left we heard a bootleg of ‘Day’s Done’ on the radio?” he asked as he pulled the crispy skin off a chicken leg.

“Yes! Did you ever figure out how that happened? Did they play you again?”

He smiled at her excitement. It was as if the band was still hoping for their big break and she thought this could be it. She was right back in the moment.

“Well, Conor and I went down to the radio station, is what we did. But after waiting for over an hour to see the station manager, the first thing he told us was that we were just one of dozens of U2 wannabes out there.”

“But, wait—had he even heard Rogue?”

“He admitted that he’d never listen to our demo. But I told him all about our sound. And that we don’t go on about religion and politics like U2. I told him that my songwriting is about exploring the beauty and cruelty of the heart.”

“I love your lyrics because of that. You explore people and relationships so honestly. It’s raw and complex. Just like life.”

The way she understood him, even after these years apart, made him catch his breath. To cover for it, he leaned over the spread of food and kissed her, pulling away just as she reached for him.

“Tease,” she said with a laugh.

He cocked his head, examining her. “Me? A tease?”

“You know the effect you have on girls.” She bit the bottom corner of her lip, letting it release slowly as she watched him.

“What kind of effect is that, darlin’? As I recall, you’re the one who had an effect on me from day one.”

When she smiled, he knew she was remembering him telling her that very thing the first day of school.

“All the girls at school wanted you, you know?”

“What did they matter when I had you?”

“See? Tease.”

He laughed. “It’s not a tease if it’s the truth. When I’m with you, nothing and no one else matters. You’re my whole universe.”

“Gavin,” she whispered, her cheeks going pink.

He’d worshiped her when they were together, spending every possible second with her. And if he wasn’t with her, he was writing lyrics to her on scraps of paper. She was both his escape and his home. He invested everything he had into her. In return, she’d made him her life, supporting his musical ambitions and providing a safe place to land when he would run out of his house after fighting with his father. He had big dreams for the future, but she was a grounding influence that he needed just as much. So, he wasn’t exaggerating when he said she was his universe.

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