Page 106 of Heartless

Thank you for everything.

That’s all I deserved apparently. A fucking thank you. No explanation. I knew she was gone the moment I read it and yet I needed to see it with my own eyes. I wanted to see at what time that happened.

Newsflash: Right after the wedding.

Who sneaks out like that in the middle of the night? Someone with a plan.

“When have you two talked about my loss?”

“The day she was sick. I helped her get to The Pink Diamond, remember? She asked about Jack.”

Hearing the name of my son was like a thousand knives to the heart, but I soldiered through it.

“That’s impossible. She doesn’t know about him.”

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, even if she was fishing because she heard something but wasn’t sure, I definitely confirmed it.”

“Fuck,” I threw my head back, looking at the ceiling.

Could she have left because I hadn’t told her about the baby?

“You haven’t told her about him, have you?”

“I didn’t know how. I was ashamed.”

“Of what?”

“That I spent the last months of Franny’s life accusing an innocent baby of killing my wife.”

“You know it wasn’t like that. The doctors said she had already been sick when she got pregnant.”

“But I begged her to terminate the pregnancy and get treatment. And she refused.”

“That was Franny’s decision.”

“I know. And yet I blamed him. What does that make of me?”

It made me a miserable son of a bitch, but Ryan was a good friend and didn’t say it to my face. “I know we’ve had this conversation before, but I’ll say it again. You need therapy, Parker.”

“I can’t talk about him.”

“That’s just another reason to start. You can't keep it inside forever. You need to talk about them both, Parker. Or it will eventually ruin your life.”

“I have to talk to Madison.”

He shook his head. “You have to pull your shit together and show her that you’re trying. And right now you’re not trying. You’re avoiding the problem, hoping it will go away.”

I knew Ryan was right. That was exactly what I was doing. And I had let my own insecurities and guilt drive Madison away, and now it was time to face the consequences of my actions.

“You really think I shouldn’t go after her now?” I asked Ryan.

“I do. Let’s focus on finding you a therapist first. A grief counselor. Deal with your shit first, go after Madison later.”

A week later I sat in a therapy session with a woman in her fifties. I told her about the events that unfolded from the moment Franny and I got married until the day she had died.

“What was your son’s name?” She asked when I was done.

I frowned, not sure where she was going with it. “Jack.”

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