Page 67 of Piece By Piece

Chapter 30

Aliena

I didn’t get a wink of sleep all night, which only made me despise myself more. I can lie to myself all I want but I know that as I tossed and turned, the thing missing to make me fall asleep was the comforting warmth and weight of Sebastian at my back.

Which means I’ve grown dependent on someone.

I finally accept defeat and drag myself out of bed shortly before dawn, deciding that if I have to look like shit and feel like the dead at work all day, I might as well evade a confrontation with Sebastian first. No need for him to know how much last night wrecked me.

His departure was followed by one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in years, during which I freaked out enough to get out of my restraints, at least. Not without chafing the skin around my wrists raw, though. No, the angry red marks still adorning them are proof of that.

I’m still not sure how I managed to get out. All I know is that I felt like a caged animal and eventually started acting like one, biting and tearing at the restraints like something rabid.

I’m glad Sebastian didn’t return last night to witness it. The humiliation of the whole situation, the panic attack andthe fact that I almost wet myself, would have been too horrifying to bear.

I’m dragging my feet at work, barely managing to reply to the simplest questions of my patients. On my lunch break, I have nothing better to do than just pass out for a minute. I take my phone out of my pocket only for a second to set an alarm, ignoring Sebastian’s texts and missed calls like I’ve been doing all day.

I don’t care if he wants to see me or talk. I’m afraid that if he confronted me now, I’d be an open book and just spill all my secrets and feelings without any thought or restraint. If that happened, I’d have to change my name and leave the country, and I really don’t have the money for that.

All too soon, my alarm goes off, ripping me from the brief, sweet relief of unconsciousness. As I get up and go back to work, I quickly realize that sleeping only made me more exhausted and by the time my shift is over, I’m barely seeing straight.

I just have enough active brain cells to text my dad that I won’t make it to their place tonight. I’m not a glutton for punishment and no amount of responsibility could get me to makethatdetour.

I take an excruciatingly long bus ride home, the only thing keeping me going the prospect of making it to my bed.

My hope that I’ll get to my room without meeting Sebastian is crushed as soon as the elevator doors open to reveal him pacing the living room. He stops in his tracks when I step inside the living room, a whole lot of different emotions that I don’t care to analyze crossing his face. Finally, he smiles at me and steps closer.

“You’re home,” he says in a way of greeting, reaching out to hold me on both arms as he studies me. I don’t evenhave it in me to fight his scrutiny, and realizing that, he frowns. “Tough day at work?” he asks softly.

I brace my hands on his chest and push him away to get past. “Yeah. I’m exhausted. I think I’ll just sleep now,” I slur, nearly toppling over as the living room tilts on its axis. Fuck, I’m dizzy.

Suddenly, the hands are back on my shoulders, turning me around to face Sebastian once more. “Sweetheart, you’re looking a little pale there. Are you sure you’re all right?” he pushes, and I hate the way my chest reacts to his term of endearment or his concern. Idon’t needhim to take care of me.

“Yeah, fine. I just forgot to eat today. I’ll do that after I slept,” I say, trying to walk away once more.

“Wait, as in, you haven’t eaten at all today? Come on, sit down. I’ll get you something,” he insists, trying to steer me toward the dining table.

Fighting his propelling grip is the last thing I want to spend my empty strength reserve on. It’s my my voice is sharper than I thought possible when I snap at him.

“I said I’m fine. Let go of me. I just want to sleep.” That, at least, finally gets his attention. Still frowning and with a crease marring the skin between his brows, he nods.

“Okay. Sure. Let me help you get upstairs, then,” he says, his voice still so horribly soft. This time, I don’t protest as he steers me to the stairs and steadies me on the way up. I don’t have a death wish, and I doubt I could make it to the second floor by myself in one piece.

When Sebastian tries to drag me down the hall and past my room, I stop him again. “I think I’ll stay in my room tonight,” I tell him, even as a part of me screams at the prospect of not having him to cuddle up to again. Not when I feel this shitty.

But I’d hate myself in the morning if I caved now. I need to prove to myself that I don’t need Sebastian. I’ll get by just fine without him.

Looking up at his face, my stomach twists at the thought that I’m the one who put that sad look on his face. “Aly,” he starts softly, and I know that’s his way of trying to introduce a talk I know we’ll have to have eventually.

Eventually isn’t now. Not when I can barely keep myself upright. I shake my head. “Not now, Seb. I’m too tired. Just know that I’m not mad at you for leaving when someone you care about needed you.”

“Then why won’t you come to our room?” he asks.Yeah, Aly, why?Because I’m a fucking coward, that’s why.

“I really need sleep tonight. No distractions,” I tell him instead, feeling just a bit of petty satisfaction when I see my words hitting their mark as Sebastian winces just slightly.

“You think I can’t keep my hands to myself when I know you’re feeling bad?” he asks, clearly hurt by my lack of faith. I don’t tell him that I don’t think that. A tired shrug is my only reply.

He presses his mouth in a thin line, nodding curtly before steering me back to my room. I manage to take the last few steps to the bed by myself, collapsing onto the soft mattress without another thought of the man that led me here.

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