Page 74 of Piece By Piece

I startle awake the next morning to the sound of the door I was sleeping up against being unlocked. I jump to my feet as it slowly opens, taking the first deep breath since last night upon seeing Aliena. Her face is splotchy, her eyes puffy, and her hair still damp and clinging to her face, but she's unharmed.

For a moment there, last night, when I heard her pained, desperate sobs through the door, I was worried she'd do something stupid. Worried she would hurt herself. I've never felt suck terror.

Unable to stop myself, I close the short distance between us and cup her cheeks, frantically searching her face as I breathe, "You're okay."

Aliena shakes her head, her throat bobbing as she swallows and takes a step back. I notice she's still shaking, still so horribly pale under the fluorescent lights, and the relief vanishes from my chest. I stumble over my words.

"Last night. I am so sorry. You knew I'd lose my shit if you fucked someone else again, but I didn't think this would happen. I just couldn't take it, knowing you're with him, and I dug out my old stash to take off the edge. I didn't know you'd come back so soon. I am so sorry, Aliena. Nomatter how angry I was, I never wanted you to feel that way," I tell her, desperately grasping for the right thing to say but failing greatly.

There is no right thing to say. Not after the way I wrecked her last night.

Last night, smoking the weed seemed like the smallest of evils. At first, I wanted to make good on my promise and find another girl to fuck just to give her a taste of her own medicine, but I couldn't go through with it.

I went to downstairs and found a beautiful, willing woman to take upstairs, but the second she touched my arm, my every cell recoiled. I couldn't do it and I hated it because it sure seemed easy for Aliena to let someone else touch her.

I was spiraling when I remembered the old stash of weed in my sock drawer, so I dug it out. I knew it would hurt Aliena more than anything else ever could, but I didn't think she'd come back to our room. Least of all so soon. I just hoped it would help my mind settle down for the night enough to get at least a few hours of sleep before I’d have to face reality in the morning.

Aliena stares at me for a second, then clears her throat and says, "I didn't sleep with him." My reeling mind comes to a halt.

"What?" I ask, conflicted as I weigh my trust for her and what I know I heard and saw last night.

"I didn't sleep with him," she repeats, her voice a little steadier. "We danced but he got too handsy, so I left. I wanted to come here, to talk to you and apologize, but he snuck up on me without my realizing it until it was too late. He ambushed me and dragged me into my room."

She chokes on her words. "He tried. He wanted to take off my clothes and touch me, but I didn't let him. I fought him off until he decided I wasn't worth it and left. I didn'twant him to touch me. Thatwasn'tmy fault," she protests, holding her head high even as fresh tears stream down her face.

I can't comprehend what she's saying. My blood is rushing in my ears as I try to process her words. All I hear is"I didn't want him to touch me."Again and again, those shaky words spoken by her play in my mind until my stomach is in knots and my own eyes sting.

"No," I finally whisper. That's all. One useless word. "That's not true," I mutter softly. As betrayal fills Aliena's eyes and she looks at me with her mouth agape, I quickly realize just how wrong those words came out.

Shaking my head, I try to salvage the situation. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, Aly. I believe you. I am sorry. I didn't know. I swear. I just heard you inside and I read the signs all wrong." My mouth clamps shut, horror cooling my blood as I realize I wasthere. I was there, right outside that door while someone assaulted her.

What I interpreted as a moan may as well have been a sound of struggle, but it never occurred to me that something like that was happening. In my house, at that.

"You heard?" Aliena whispers slowly, taking another slow step away. It's another punch to my gut.

"I came looking for you. I wanted to talk, too, but I couldn't find you and when I passed your door, I found it locked and then I heard you inside. I thought it was a moan. I swear to god, I thought it was a moan. I would have never left if I knew what was going on." My words are desperate as I realize I'm losing her.

I fucked up so badly last night, I can't even comprehend the depth of it. Not only did I not help her but I made it all worse by triggering her worst memories and taking drugs inthis room. Our room, as Aliena finally called it. And then I went ahead and said all those things when she was already falling apart.

I might be sick.

Aliena's choked sob cuts through the silence. My eyes meet hers, desperately pleading, and I step forward. "Please, just let me hold you. Just for a second," I beg, needing to do something other than watching her cry. It's what I should have done last night.

Aliena shakes her head but doesn't move away when I reach for her hand. Instead of pushing her when she said no, I try to let my eyes convey everything I'm thinking as I open my arms for her. To my great surprise, she steps into them and wraps her own around my waist.

I hold her close, one hand on the back of her head and the other around her back as I kiss the top of her head. I stay like that for a few long seconds, with my lips on her hair as I breathe her in. She starts shaking again, her tears soaking through my shirt, and with every stifled sob and sniffle, I can feel the knife in my gut twisting.

"Did he hurt you?" I whisper slowly, hating the thought of it.

"Not more than I did him," she replies weakly and despite the gravity of the situation, I'm proud of her for fighting. I hope he regrets having followed her, which I still don't know how he pulled off since there are guys at the bottom of the stairs to make sure no one who's not on the list makes it up. He sure as fuck wasn't on the list.

Well, if he doesn't regret it now, he will once I'm done with him. If I kicked in my best friend's knee for not making sure Aliena got home safely, I'll do a hell of a lot worse to that disgusting piece of shit.

"I think I'll move in with my parents," Aliena finally breaks the long silence, startling me.

I pull away enough to look at her face. "You don't have to do that," I insist, knowing it's the last thing she wants. Still, understanding that she needs some space from me, I add, "I'll go. My mom will be happy to have me around. I'll stay away until you're ready to talk. You have my word."

No matter that being away from her and leaving her alone is the last thing I want. Especially when I know how bad she's currently feeling. Her sobs last night are still engraved in my mind, and I'll doubt I'll ever not be able to hear them.

---