Page 17 of Speechless

While we indulge in my favorite carbs, a singular thought bounces back and forth in my head: Where thehellis Henry?

I’m not sure what I expected when he invited me here. I definitely didn’t think we’d be spending every day together. And he did mention being a workaholic. But he doesn’t even eat breakfast with his housemates? Maybe he has a girlfriend and he’s been staying somewhere else. That doesn't feel right, but who knows.

I have to constantly remind myself that no matter how well I know his music, the man is still a stranger to me. More like a mystery I’m itching to solve.

I decide not to dwell on the Henry conundrum and focus on Graham while he convinces me to try surfing again today. We head down to the water with Rowan close on my heels.

It’s hot this morning but it doesn’t bother me. There’s something special about the air here. It's always simmering with jasmine and salty citrus. Every time I walk outside, I feel like twirling around, letting my long hair get blown into the wind like that girl fromMamma Miaeveryone says I look like.

Once we’ve walked down to the beach and checked the surf, Graham looks at me with a serious expression, none of the typical mirth in his eyes.

“I’m getting you on a board today. All you have to do is lie on it. It’s unseasonably warm too. I won’t even make you wear a wetsuit.” He notices me chewing on my lip. “There are literally no waves, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Come on, we’ll just be floating. Rowan can come too.”

Yesterday I may have chickened out pretty early on. But today, I’m going for it. I feel like I’m safe with Graham, like he’ll protect me.

Rowan’s a great swimmer but I still put on the life jacket that I got him last summer. It saysThis Dog Digs Nantucketacross the back which always makes me laugh. Graham looks like he means business today, so I do as I’m told and grab onto the board for dear life.

Paddling out to sea is actually relaxing. He was right about the swell; it’s so calm today I don’t feel scared at all. The water glitters all around me like fairy dust and I wonder why it’s taken me this long to get back in the ocean. Once we make it past all the breaks, Graham stops paddling and sits up straddling his board. He motions for me to follow suit before grabbing Rowan and plopping him on his board as well. Then he does that “hot man hair shake” thing and I get a salt spray to the face.

“Let’s float for a minute, see if the tide changes a bit.”

“Sounds good to me. This is a part of surfing I can definitely get behind.”

“I still can’t believe you’ve never done this, Luce. I got on my first board when I was just a wee thing, maybe five or six.”

“Well, I’m sure in Australia everyone goes surfing as kids. The only water we had in Cleveland was Lake Erie and trust me, you would not be impressed.”

“Cleveland, hey. Sounds like a magical place. Is that where your family is then?”

“No, no family there.” I try my best to sound casual.

“Right. Boston! That’s where you came from. Never been myself, maybe I’ll tag along with you some time. When do you think you’ll go back for a visit?”

“I don’t, umm, I don’t have anyone to visit there. I don’t have any family.” He looks at me questioning, wanting me to go on. There’s so much sincerity in his eyes, I feel like maybe I can get through this.

“Well, my dad died when I was ten—heart attack.”Breathe, Luce, you can do this. “And my mom, she was sick for a pretty long time, but she passed away three years ago, from Leukemia.” I turn my head swiftly, knowing the tears are coming. I miss her so much. She was like the brightest star in my sky. Without her in the world everything seems slightly faded. Nothing glows anymore. The last time I saw her was the day after Jack proposed.

She was so happy, ooh-ing and aah-ing over my 2-carat oval-cut, perfect diamond. But every time she took my hand all I could feel was how cold and frail she was. I’d told her Jack wanted to get married right away, do whatever we needed to make sure she could be there, but she shook her head at me.

“Lucy, I’m sorry I won’t be there to see you in your dress, but you deserve to have the wedding you’ve always dreamed of. We’ve been planning this since you were a little girl. My life may be ending but yours is just beginning. What kind of mother would I be to take that away from you? I’m just so sorry I’ll never get to meet my grandchildren. You and Jack will have such beautiful babies. Will you promise to spoil them every once in a while, for me?”

She passed away that night, still holding my hand, but I’d already called Jack to tell him that we couldn’t get married for at least a year. If she wouldn’t let me have a quickie wedding to include her, I was going to have the most extravagant event I could in her honor.

“Luce,I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. Go ahead, ask me anything you like. All my deepest, darkest secrets are yours.”

I scoff, but I’m grateful for his smooth segue. Graham has this easy way of disarming me, freeing me from the constant cloud of negativity I seem to be stuck under.

I’m trying to think of a good question when a wave comes out of nowhere and knocks me off my board. I go under and try not to panic. I know where I am, Graham is here, there’s no undertow, I just need to swim. I thinkupmight be a good direction. My hair whips around my face and I try not to imagine a tangle of seaweed holding me down. Then something sharp scratches at my back and I kick my legs harder.

I quickly surface, gasping for air and grab on to the board. Graham reaches out a large hand to help me up but I shove him away. While I was never in any serious danger, sweet Rowan dove in to save me and God love him, only managed to loosen my bikini top with his paws. Now it’s floating out to sea and I’m half naked with nothing but a wet dog to help cover me up.

Of course this would happen to me, especially since all I have at the beach is a pair of cutoff shorts. Why did it have to be so hot today? Things have been going a little too well since I got here; I should have known it couldn’t be that easy.

Graham is laughing at me. No, he’shecklingme.

“Quite a predicament, Little Lu. What will the topless lady do? Ooooh, I think there’s a song there. Got a pen, missy? I don’t want to forget this.”

“Fuck off, Graham. This is your fault. You brought me here against my will and now I have to do a literal walk of shame back to the house. Just stay here while I swim back, okay? At least I don’t know anyone on the beach.”

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