Page 33 of Speechless

“Why the hell is she still here? She’s never gonna fuck you, you socially awkward bitch.”

I was fuming. I could actually feel the rush of blood, feel my face heat up. My fists clenched, nails digging so hard into my palms I may have drawn blood. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to knock him unconscious and barrel into him until he was unrecognizable.

I tried to compose myself. I hadn’t had a physical altercation in years. When I was young it was more difficult to control my anger. When words were rarely available to me, my fists always were. I’m not proud of the times I hurt people, no matter how much I felt they deserved it.

My dad thought channeling my anger was the key. He started me on boxing lessons and before long I was training with a personal coach. Being Chief Constable meant he had unlimited resources for that sort of thing. His friends loved coming by the house to test my skills.

His plan backfired though. Learning to fight just made me stronger, better. It didn’t stop arseholes from provoking me. Fucking bullies.

But I wasn’t a kid anymore. It didn’t matter what Craig deserved. So I kept repeating the same words in my head:I’m not going to hit him. I’m not going to hit him. I’m not going tofuckinghit him.

“That damaged bitch isn’t worth it anyway.”

The vision came into focus, of how easy it would be to knock him out, how good it would feel to make contact, to see him go down from one hit. But then I remembered how valuable my hands were these days.

His eyes tracked the tight fists at my side and his scowl looked ready for a fight as he stalked closer.

“Don’t,” I warned.

He snickered before throwing a punch that I dodged easily. Pitiful. He brought up both hands to shove me instead.

As soon as he made contact I saw the flash of fear in his eyes. He knows I’m twice as strong as he is. Maybe he thought I’m as feeble as I sound, but I learned to fight a long time ago.

Before he could throw anything else at me I charged forward with just enough effort to flip him on his back. He hit the ground with an angry grunt and I held him down with my knee before he could get back up.

“You’re a feckless moron, Craig. You really want to fight me?”

“And you’re fucking pathetic. You’re not better than all of us, you fucking pussy. Get the hell off of me!”

I was thinking how good it would feel to let him up, let him try and fight, make him bleed. Then I saw Lucy staring at me and immediately stepped away.

I headto my room to change into some trunks. The weather has been especially warm lately and a night swim sounds like the perfect activity to get last night’s drama out of my head.

When I make my way outside I find the pool is already occupied.

Lucy and Rowan are lying on the pirate raft together. Cuddling. From what I can see, both of their eyes look closed. His head is tucked into her chest as he sprawls out on his back while she’s curled around him. Are theysleepingout here? I check my watch and see it’s only just after nine.

I should say something; I feel like a voyeur just standing here watching them. But my brain is distracted by Lucy’s skin glowing in the pool lights. She has on a pale-yellow bikini that reminds me of butter. It makes her skin look even smoother, her hair extra golden.

“Henry?” Shit, how long has she seen me staring? I must look like a creep.

“So sorry, didn’t realize anyone was out here.” I turn back toward the house but she calls after me.

“Wait. Did you want to swim? I think the pool’s big enough for us to share.” She’s mocking me. “Or if not, Row and I can go . . .”

“Of course, of course. Sorry, just thought you may want some privacy.” I make my way back to the pool before sitting down on the edge.

“I will never get tired of hearing you say privacy. You’re so proper Henry, it’s adorable.” Adorable. Do I want her to think I’m adorable? “Aren’t you gonna get in?”

I lower myself into the pool and go all the way under. Beneath the water I see Lucy’s fingers swaying back and forth. There’s a rhythm to the movement and I wonder what tune is playing in her head.

Could it be one of mine?

I swim toward the raft ready to pop up beside her but . . . proper? Too proper?Don’t overthink it.

I dive under the pirate ship before propelling up to flip the raft, throwing Lucy and Rowan overboard.

“Ahhhh, Henry!”Splash. “No, no, no, Row I’m fine—I’mfine! Get away from my bikini strings. You will not get me this time!”

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