Page 47 of Speechless

She’s biting the inside of her cheek, awaiting my response. I don’t think now is the right time to confess my feelings for her. Besides, I’m not sure those feelings have anything to do with it.

“But you are special, Luce. You are my anomaly.”

21

Lucy

I’m speechless.

I’ve known for weeks that Henry struggles with some sort of anxiety. I never wanted to press him about it because I know exactly what it’s like when people ask invasive health questions.

Whenever someone sees Rowan’s service-dog tag I get asked what I have, or what he does for me, like it’s their God-given right to know my personal medical history. It enrages me every time.

But Henry offered it up to me. He wanted me to know what he’s dealing with. And if I wasn’t already melting a little more for him every day, this seals it.

You are my anomaly.

It’s not exactly a romantic sentiment, but man did it feel like one.

It felt like Henry was calling me his soulmate.

“I’m really glad you told me, Henry. Thank you. I’m sure it’s not easy to talk about, but I hope you know you can tell me anything. I’ll never judge you.”

The side of his mouth tilts up and I can tell he’s done sharing for today. Instead, he’s just looking at me.

He’sreallylooking at me.

He’s been looking at me like this for a while now, like I’m a bowl of ice cream he wants to lick clean.

I don’t hate it. I don’t hate it at all. It makes me feel sexy, and I can’t remember the last time I felt that way. Ever since Jack left, I wondered if I’d ever feel desired again.

He brushes back a tendril of hair behind my ear and leans into me just a little closer. He looks so dreamy, his thick hair gently swaying in the breeze.

I feel an urge to lean in and kiss him. I think hewantsme to kiss him. But what would that mean? It’s obvious I have feelings for Henry, but I'm not sure I want to risk our friendship like that.

“You’re so easy to talk to, Luce. This may sound strange but sometimes, well, you remind me a bit of my mum.” He rakes his fingers through his hair as he blows out a breath, clearly embarrassed. “She’s just the kindest person I’ve ever known, until I met you. You’ll make a great mother one day.”

I clear my throat, swallow the dense lump forming there, try not to react to his words.Friends. Henry and I are friends, and that’s all we can be.

“Do you think we could head back now? Sorry, I wanna get back to Rowan.”

“Happy to—under one condition.” I squint at him, curious about what he’s after. “You’re paddling.”

Henry shows me how to balance on my knees to make it easier than standing. Balance has never been my strong suit but he’s so patient with me, so encouraging no matter how frustrated I get with myself.

I used to think Jack was the perfect partner, never asking me to go in the water with him after my accident in Bermuda. He never pushed me or made me feel bad for not joining him and our friends when they would go water-skiing, surfing, or any of the other numerous activities I missed out on. I was glad he didn’t push me, glad I didn’t have to explain my fears all the time. But I was stuck, always sidelined, missing out on the fun everyone was having around me.

Henry is the complete opposite. He knows I’m scared of the water, but he doesn’t want me to give up. Graham too. They’ve both given me a chance to do something I love that I avoided for years. It feels like they’re on my team, like I can depend on them, like I don’t have to worry about their disappointment, the way I’ve disappointed everyone else in my life.

Henry was right about the books. All I want is to be myself, my truest self, and have that be enough for someone else.

When I thinkabout my time with Jack, I know it wasn’t all bad. Most of it was really good.

After meeting him at the beginning of my freshman year we became fast friends. Sarah, Jack and I hung out all the time, and while he flirted with me a lot, he never made a move or asked me out. I knew about lots of girls he hooked up with and I figured he knew I wasn’t into one night—or one week—stands. Or maybe he just wasn’t attracted to me.

But then junior year, right before our spring break trip to Bermuda, everything changed. He pulled me aside one day and said the craziest thing: “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

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