Page 59 of Speechless

“I’m sorry,” slips out and I wish I could take it back.

I’m not sorry at all.

I only wish I could get my feelings in check, get back to a place where every look he gives me, every word he speaks, doesn’t make me want to peel his clothes off and climb on top of him.

Henry clears his throat, and his voice comes out deeper, raspier than usual. “Lucy, I want to be respectful. I heard what you said earlier and more than anything else, I want you to be comfortable living here. But am I mad? I feel like there’s something here, something . . . magnetic between us. Don’t you feel it too?”

I can’t lie to him. It was hard enough a few hours ago. After everything that happened tonight, I just can’t do it. I nod my head slowly and watch the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

“Henry, of course I feel it. I just—”

“Don’t. Please don’t finish whatever you’re planning to say right now. You are all I think about, Luce. You’re my favorite person. Every time I see you sad it kills me that I can’t hold you, can’t touch you and comfort you how I want to. It kills me that it’s not appropriate even though it feels like the most natural thing in the world.” He moves his hand from my shoulder, gently cupping my chin, forcing me to look at him.

“Let me kiss you, please? Let me kiss you under the pretense that we’re not just friends; that for me, at least, I want to be much more than friends.”

How am I supposed to deny him when he looks at me this way? “I mean, you do owe me you know; I saved your pup tonight. That has to deserve at least one kiss.” I laugh just a bit. I don’t have the energy to resist this anymore. I pull his face toward me and lock my lips with his.

The second I lie back on the raft, Henry’s mouth glued to my own, I know this isn’t just a kiss. It feels like I’m finally letting go, like I can breathe again. I’ve been pushing all my feelings for him deep inside, and now that they’ve broken free, I’m consumed by them.

He keeps making the same “mmm” sound and each time I hear it my body vibrates. He’s pressed up against me in only his swim trunks and I’m finally able to marvel at his perfectly sculpted body. My hands roam greedily across his shoulders, his chest, down to his abs. But he seems to be only touching my face, his fingers grazing my neck. I arch slightly and tilt my head back, hoping it sends the message that I’m ready for more than a kiss.

26

Henry

I am completelyand utterly ruined. Kissing Lucy feels like heaven. No—it feels like home. It’s nothing like it was last night. No hesitation, no fear, no hard door at her back. This entire evening was wholly unexpected, but we are so perfectly in sync, it’s like this moment was fated.

God, she feels good. I smooth my hand down her hair until I’m fisting it at the ends. She tilts her chin back and gives the sweetest, smallest moan I’ve ever heard. I decide to take advantage of the new position and drop kisses along her neck until I reach the spot just below her ear. I’m rewarded by another breathy sound but this time the note is clear to me, a perfect G4. I linger there for a moment, wondering what other notes I can coax out of her.

I wish I had more experience with this. I want to know what she wants, what she needs, but I’ve always had a complex relationship with sex. When I was younger, girls just saw me as the awkward bloke who never uttered a word. I wasn’t exactly wooing them with my charm. Then I got to LA, a twenty-five-year-old-virgin, and suddenly I couldn’t keep them away. The women here are so aggressive. The first date I went on, set up by my agent of course, I decided to hire a limo for the evening. I thought it’d be romantic and gentlemanly. Instead, I got my first blowjob before we reached the restaurant.

After that first date, I didn’t bother with a limo, decided it was better to meet them instead, usually at a bar. Didn’t make a difference. Apparently, women here don’t mind if I say two words over drinks; they think I’m mysterious. Or maybe it’s that they can google my net worth. I can’t think of a single time I wasn’t invited back to their home after, and sometimes it wasn’t even after. I’ve been dragged into the loo more times than I care to admit. I’m equally ashamed that I rarely declined the offers. For years I had fantasized about what it would be like to be with a woman. I so badly wanted to experience the love and affection I’d seen with my mum and dad. I also wanted to feel the immeasurable difference between a woman’s touch and my own. The reality was always so disappointing.

Until now. Until Lucy.Thisis what I’ve been chasing after all this time, the connection I’ve always desired. And now all I can think about is how inexperienced I am with this part. I don’t know how to seduce a woman. I only know how to say yes, to perform, and to leave.

What kind of man does that make me?

I realize I’ve almost completely opened her robe. I’ve been tugging at the neckline to expose more of her throat and shoulders but now even the waist is starting to come apart. She doesn’t seem bothered by it. I’m not sure where this is going, considering she told me earlier tonight that she only wanted to be friends, so, am I taking this too far? I pause and pick my head up to look at her, try to gauge what she’s thinking. She slowly drags her teeth over her bottom lip as her eyes lock on mine. She’s panting. Fuck. I reach for the sash on her robe but decide I want to be one hundred percent sure.

“Is this okay?” My voice sounds so gravelly I barely recognize it. I see her nod once before I pull it loose and lower my mouth back down to her body.

Her bikini covers most of her breasts, but the skin I have access to is so supple I’m afraid to scratch it with my stubble. I’m still not sure what I’m doing, but I’m dying to hear that note again and feel desperate to get it out of her. I reach to tug on her bikini strings after she gives me another silent nod. At the sight of her I feel myself stiffen immediately. There’s no way she doesn’t feel it too. This is one area I’ve never been in doubt of. At first, I’m worried how she’ll react, but she leans into me and hooks her ankle around my calf.

I drag my hands along her ribcage, feeling her soft skin pebble with goosebumps, and lower my mouth to the peak of her breast. I want to be gentle with her, touch her body as sweetly as she feels in my arms, but she arches into me, silently urging me to do more. I appease her with a nibble, though I’m not sure if it’s enough. Now I’m wondering if she can sense my insecurities, because she grabs my hand and slowly leads it lower, down to her navel, and then further, in between her legs. She’s guiding me. She wants this just as much as I do.

We work together in a slow rhythm, her showing me exactly where she wants to be touched as I memorize every inch of her skin, every place that makes her shiver or sigh. I love the way her body responds to me. I wish I could bottle up the sounds she makes and create my own personal symphony from them. Her moans rise toward a crescendo, but I stop and pull away.

This isn’t how I want to do this. I have three master’s of Music from Juilliard, two forperformance. Lucy may see me as the awkward bloke who needs help ordering wine at restaurants, but I’ll be damned if I require her help here. I know I have skills; I just need to show her.

I grip her thighs deliberately and begin to press into her with each fingertip, strumming her skin like I would a guitar. Her light gasp lets me know this is good, unexpected but good. I move my hands up and down her legs, while I lower my mouth to the place she led me earlier. I use everything, my lips, my tongue, my teeth, and when her lovely little whimpers quicken, I start to hum.

Hearing her call out my name as her entire body trembles is the sexiest thing I’ve ever experienced. That is until she grabs onto my shoulders and pulls me against her, drawing our lips together as her legs shake beneath me.

After a few blissful moments wrapped around Lucy, once her breathing has slowed, she stands up, gloriously naked save for the gilded rainbow gleaming from her neck, and says, “How about that swim?”

“You’re . . . stunning.” A shy smile skates over her face before she reaches out her hand. I take it instantly and as soon as I’m standing I kiss her again. I don't know if it’s possible for me not to touch her anymore, it feels like an addiction.

I reluctantly peel my lips away from her when I feel her fumbling with the tie on my trunks. And now she’s dragging them down. I did not expect this to happen but, fuck, she can do absolutely anything she wants with me tonight. She must notice the startled look on my face. “What? You expect me to go skinny dipping alone?”

---