Page 63 of Speechless

I chuckle. “I appreciate the offer but I can’t even do a retrieval or freeze anything. This whole playground”—I wave a hand over my lower abdomen—“has been under construction for years. It’s officially condemned.”

She laughs at my joke, but her eyes are slippery with emotion.

“I’m a mess, Dami. I just turned thirty and I’m already an old crone. If I’m smart, by my next birthday, I’ll be dealing with a severe case of menopause. Why the hell would someone like Henry wantme?”

“He wants you, Lucy. He’s made that abundantly clear. Or do we need to recap your sex-a-thon from last night?” She tilts a brow at me. “You honestly think sharing all this with him will change that? I don’t mean to diminish your feelings because they are valid. But come on. Give the man a chance to prove you wrong.”

I let her words roll over me. “But what if he doesn’t even realize how he feels?”

“I’m not following.”

“Okay, look. I read about this scientific study a few years ago where they tracked all these strippers.”

“Excuse me?”

“Hear me out!” I continue, tucking my heels underneath me and sitting up straighter. “They tracked a bunch of strippers over twelve months to see when they got the most tips. After the study ended, their findings showed that strippers who were ovulating always got more tips than those who weren’t. They even got more tips than the ones on birth control.”

“Jesus, now we’re punished for taking the fucking pill? Can women haveonething? Just one?”

“I know, right? But it’s such an interesting study. Because of course, none of the men actually knew who was ovulating. They weren’t consciously thinking ‘hmm, she looks impregnable. Let me add another dollar.’ But they were just innately more attracted to them. I’m already infertile. Once all the plumbing is gone, I’ll probably be invisible. I’d be the most poorly paid stripper out there.”

“Lucy, this is fascinating, and I absolutely want to read that study. But also, you’re wrong. You’d make anamazingstripper.” She makes a motion of ogling me. “Those boobs alone would get you a few hundreds each shift. And Henry gave you how many orgasms last night? Do you honestly think he would have gone another round if you’d been ovulating?”

I roll my eyes. “Ha-ha, you’re hilarious. I don’t mean it that literally. And I know he’s attracted to me now, but after the surgery and everything else, what if he’s just . . . poof . . . repulsed by me?”

“You know you sound crazy, right?”

“Of course I do!” I sink back into the pillows. “But I also know it’s not that far off from my reality. Look at Jack. He was definitely in love with me, and it wasn’t enough. There are zero guarantees it won’t happen the same way with Henry. He absolutely wants a family.”

My mind goes back to the day we went paddle boarding.You’ll make a great mother one day. Of course that’s how he sees me. Once I break that spell, it’ll all be over.

“I’m sorry, Dami. I’m being selfish just showing up here out of the blue and throwing all of this on you. Can we talk about you? How are things with Preston?”

“Luce—” I give her a pleading look to change the subject. “Yeah, we’re great actually. We’re going to Chicago soon to visit his parents. They’re a lot of fun.”

“That’s great you get along with them so well. Do your parents still live in Chicago too? Will you see them?”

“Hah, no. They moved to Toronto a few years ago, and if I do visit, Preston isn’t exactly welcome.”

“He’s not? Why?” Preston seems like every parents’ dream for a son-in-law. Who wouldn’t love the man who gives monogamy five stars?

“He’s not Nigerian. End of story.”

“Seriously? I’m so sorry.”

“Luce, I’ll be more than happy to tell you all about my parents another day. Right now, please be selfish. Let me help you work through all this.”

Adamma and I have only known each other for two months. I felt close to her immediately but I’m so touched by how much she cares. When I first talked to Sarah about the divorce, she had this strange attitude with me. At one point I remember her saying “well, I guess you can’t have everything.”

I feel so lucky in this moment; to have a friend like Adamma, to have met Henry and everyone else in the house, to have this support system that I’ve been missing for years.

“I appreciate you, I do. I should probably start seeing a therapist again. This isn’t your job.”

“You’ve been dealt a tough fucking hand,” Adamma exclaims. “Don’t ever feel like a burden, especially not with me. A therapist might help, but you need your friends just as much. Plus, I will gladly have Rowan here any time. He is the best snuggler!” She reaches for my hands. “Come on, let’s drink wine in bed and watchThe Vampire Diaries. Times are tough, but at least you've got a beating heart. It’s important to remember that.”

* * *

My first morningwaking up in Culver City isn’t exactly pleasant. As someone who rarely sleeps in, seeing my phone blink 10:23 is almost as jarring as Adamma yelling at me to “get the hell up!” My pink wine hangover is in full force, but I jump in the shower, get dressed and obey every other order my new landlord gives me.

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