Page 65 of Speechless

What happened with you two?

11:05

Really Luce? I thought we were closer than this.

I know I have to go back, have to fix things with both of them. I have no idea what to tell them, how to explain my behavior. I don’t even know how to explain it to myself. All I know is that I can’t lose them, I can’t lose this new life I’ve built. I feel like there’s this thread holding everything together and it’s so delicate, I could make one wrong move, and it will snap into pieces.

It’s clear Henry has feelings for me, but there are too many secrets between us. And maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to be honest with him, because as soon as I am, everything will change.

This thing between us feels as fragile as a snowflake.

I grab Rowan, get into the car I now realize I stole from Henry, because I’ve actually become the worst person ever, and head back up the coast.

I’m notsure what I’ll find when I get back to the house. I creep in like a mouse hoping I can make it to my room before anyone spots me. The first one I see is Jayce as I make my way through the kitchen. He walks straight by me with a big smile and a high five. I guess at least one person didn’t notice my absence. But as I turn toward the living room, I see Graham sitting on the sectional staring back at me and the look on his face is anything but welcoming.

“Nice to see you again. Plan on staying a while?”

“Graham, I’m sorry I went dark on you, okay. I just needed some time to think.” I can feel Rowan against my ankle pressing hard enough to get my attention, but I ignore him.

“To think? Did you use any of that time to think of someone other than yourself? Henry almost lost his mind, coming up with all sorts of outlandish possibilities. At one point he thought you and Row fell off a cliff together. If it wasn’t for the missing car and Preston’s call to Adamma my head may have gone there too. How selfish are you, Luce?”

I feel a sharp stab of pain in my gut and can’t tell if it’s real or just the guilt I’m feeling. It steadies to a low throb.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just—things happened so fast with Henry and—” The look we share lets me know he’s been debriefed on the Henry situation. “Look, it was horrible of me. I just needed to get out of here and figure out how to tell him it was a mistake. Please don’t hate me, Graham.”

“I could never hate you, but I can still be angry. Just, please don’t scare us like that again. And stop saying it was a mistake, I see the way you two look at each other—what’s the problem? He loves you, Luce, you know he does.”

“Don’t—don’t say that. Please don’t say that.” My lower back starts to ache now too. “We can’t be together, not like that. We just can’t.”

Rowan starts to bark but Graham ignores him.

“What do you mean, you can’t? I know you, Luce. I know you wouldn’t sleep with someone you didn’t care for.” Half of my body is pulsating with pain and Graham is looking at me like he doesn’t actually know me at all, like he’s trying to puzzle together everything when he’s missing half the pieces.

Rowan gets louder, more determined. He’s pressing into my leg as hard as he can. I know I should go lay down, but I can’t just walk away from this conversation.

“Graham, please, just try to unders—”

The pain gets sharper and now I’m positive it has nothing to do with my emotions. It’s in my back, my legs . . . I can feel myself doubling over right before everything goes black.

30

Henry

Grahamand I are weaving through cars up the highway, racing to the hospital, and he’s not answering any of my damn questions. Lucy’s eyes started blinking open right when the ambulance arrived and the paramedics stole her away from me before I could find out what happened.

“What the hell do you mean she just fainted? What were you doing? What was she saying? What was—”

“Henry, I don’t fucking know, okay? We were talking. About you, actually. Then she winced like something was hurting her. I think she might have grabbed at her hip?”

“You think!? Graham, can you be a little more specific right now? What was hurting her?”

He tries to explain every moment he can but I still don’t understand what the hell happened. I’ve spent the last two days replaying our night together over and over in my head until I thought I might lose my mind completely. I still have no idea why she left the house, why she refused to answer any of my calls or texts, none of it. But if I was missing her before, I’m terrified now. I can’t even stop the tears from coming.

It feels like an entire lifetime passes before we get there, my thoughts growing darker every mile no matter how hard I try to push them away.

Graham slams on the brakes and the screeching sound brings me back to the present. “Okay, we’re here. Try to calm down. Go find her while I figure out where to park.”

I can barely think or see when I enter the hospital. I finally find the reception area, but before I can ask where Lucy is, I freeze.

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