Page 71 of Speechless

“I won’t say anything to Henry, but Luce—you should tell him.”

We reposition ourselves on the couch and turn on our next episode ofPeaky Blinders, Graham and Rowan both snuggled up against me. I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in this house, how much longer I’ll have this family, but I’m not going to waste a second of it.

I feel like I’m somehow in an okay place right now, until my phone starts buzzing again.

* * *

Sarah has been textingand calling me consistently for over a week now. I’m still annoyed that she never responded when I first let her know where I’d be living, so I haven't exactly been in a rush to get back to her. Plus, her texts have been generally meaningless. Lots of “let’s catch up” and “how’s my LuLu?” Like she doesn’t already know about the shit show I’ve been dealing with this last year.

But today I got a text that I can’t ignore.

Sarah:

What’s going on with you and Jack? Should I not have told him where you were?

Of course she’s the one who gave Jack my address.

Sometimes I forget how close they were before he and I ever dated. She grew up in D.C. but her dad had a summer house on Nantucket right next door to Jack’s. Our first week at Emory, Sarah told me she knew a guy that would be perfect for me. I always had the sense she had a thing for him, but for some reason she just never acted on it.

“So, who’s coming over?” I’m filling in Graham on everything Sarah-related since he’s the only one in the house who knows the details about Jack.

“Sarah. The girl I was supposed to be living with in Santa Monica, remember?” He nods, and he has a pissed off look on his face that lets me know he remembers exactly who she is. “She’s been asking me to talk for a week now, and honestly I just really want to know why she’d send Jack here without telling me.”

“Can’t say I’m a fan of this one any more than dickhead Jack. Do I have to play nice with her?”

“No, you don’t have to talk to her at all. It might be better if I just keep her to myself. She’s kind of . . . boy crazy?” It sounds so childish when I say it, but I also know it’s true. If she walked in here and saw Graham and anyone else, I doubt I could keep her focused on our conversation.

“All right. I’ll tell the guys to give you some space. Holler if you need me, love.”

When Sarah arrives, I immediately bring her out to the patio and grab chairs by the pool. Everyone in the house is working and I want some privacy for our conversation.

Whenever I see Sarah after a while apart, I’m taken aback by her beauty. I hate the feeling of jealousy, but it’s hard not to envy her. Her completely natural copper hair glitters like rubies in the sunlight and her pale, freckled skin somehow has a gorgeous tan. But what really gets me is her body. She’s five foot nine, and her legs seem endless. She wears the tiniest little cutoff shorts that undoubtedly look chic on her, and her sheer cream blouse hangs perfectly on her lithe frame. It wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t know about her diet. She survives mainly on Taco Bell, fried cheese, cookie dough and vodka. She never even works out unless she’s specifically asked to for a booking. Such is the life of a model.

“Luce, this place is amazing!” She looks around from the pool to the firepit to the amazing ocean view. “I mean holy shit, how did you find this house?”

“I’m just staying here, as a guest, actually. I met someone on my flight out here and he offered to let me stay for a while.” I watch her face twist into something that resembles jealousy. Really? “I would have told you all about it if we could have talked, you know. You just went dark on me.”

I don’t want to be bitter but I can’t help it. She’s acting like nothing is out of the ordinary, like she didn’t abandon me as I moved to a new city to helpherout.

“Well, it looks like I did you a favor.” She smirks at me. I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath for an apology. “Things always seem to work out for you, huh.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Resentment skates across her features as I try and puzzle out what her deal is.

“So, look. I take it things didn’t go as planned when Jack came here? Should I not have given him your info? I figured you’d be so happy to hear from him.”

“Happy? No, I definitely wasn’t happy. I just don’t understand why you’d do that and not even give me a heads up. He totally blindsided me.”

“He told me it didn’t really go well, but are you still considering his offer?”

Offer? What the hell?

“What do you mean, his offer? He just said he wanted to have a discussion, but I threw him out. After the way he ended our marriage I have nothing to discuss with him.”

“Oh. You wouldn’t even talk to him? Honestly, I think you’re being a little selfish, Lu.” Selfish?I’mbeing selfish? What about Jack? Isn’t he the selfish one? I can still remember every word he said when we finalized the divorce.

“Don’t you see how lucky we are, Luce? How much better it is to end things this way? Do you know how many couples end up bitter and unhappy because of their failed efforts to create a family? We don’t have to go through all that pain and suffering. You can focus on something else, like your fairy books. And we can still be friends. You know I love you. I’ll always love you. I just need to do what’s right for me. I can still have everything I want.”

I can’t believe this is happening again, with Sarah. It’s just like Jack’s mom, telling me how disappointed she was that I hadn’t warned her this was a possibility. That I had somehow deceived them even though this happenedafterthe wedding. Jack knew about my endometriosis before we even moved in together. He just chose to ignore it.

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