Page 72 of Speechless

Why is everything my fault? Will anyone ever be onmyside? I suddenly wish I had Graham next to me again.

“How am I being selfish? He chose to get a divorce and I gave him what he wanted without any protest. Are you saying I’m supposed to just wait around in case he changes his mind and wants to get married again?”

She flips her long hair behind her shoulder and tilts her head back. The move screamsI don’t actually care about any of this.

“Hon, he doesn’t want to get married again. That’s really what you thought? You know you can’t have everything, Lu. He just wanted to talk to you about trying an open relationship.” Her condescending tone makes me want to scream. An open relationship? How would he ever think I’d agree to something like that?

And how is the girl in front of me my best friend? How did I ever consider her to be my person, mysister, when she doesn’t seem to care about me at all?I can’t have everything?What exactly does she think I have? “I need some water, wanna come inside for a sec?”

“Sure, got anything stronger?”

We walk into the kitchen and I fill up two glasses of water, ignoring her question. I can tell it wouldn’t be her first drink of the day, and I don’t plan on supporting her habits when I know she’s driving herself home.

I hear a few notes before I realize Henry is playing the piano in the living room, and he’s surrounded on all sides by HAAAM, I guess working on something. I have a feeling Graham suggested this to keep an eye on me. I’m about to introduce Sarah to everyone but she beats me to it, sprinting over to the piano and plopping her perfect self onto the bench next to Henry.

“Ilovethe piano! Wanna play hot cross buns?” She playfully nudges his arm before he turns to flash me an equally annoyed and confused expression. And then it quickly evaporates into concern when our eyes meet. He mouths something to me, a question, but I can't make it out. I just shake my head.

Once she realizes Henry is not amused and is not going to be playing a duet with her she swings her legs back over the bench to face me. “Luce, you didn’t tell me how hot these guys were—I would’ve come sooner!” She looks toward them now, her radiant smile beaming. “I’m Sarah, Lucy’s roommate.”

“Roommate? Luce, you’re not moving out are you?” Jayce looks toward me and the frown he’s flaunting makes my heart squeeze a little.

“Of course she is! Lu was the best roomie in college, I can’t wait to have someone in the house again who cooks!”

Henry continues to look between us, his gaze feverish but tough to read. He still hasn’t acknowledged Sarah and I don’t know if it’s because she’s a stranger to him or if he can sense that I’m not her biggest fan right now. He looks like he’s struggling to get the words out, but when he finally speaks it’s to Sarah, though his eyes never leave mine. “Lucy already has a home, with people who take care of her. Why would she go live with you?”

Sarah scoffs and jumps off the bench. I can tell she’s ready to defend herself to the end but I cut her off before there’s any need for an argument.

“He’s right, Sarah, I’m not moving in with you. I like it here, and honestly, I can’t trust you. I’m assuming you and Emmett broke up again or you wouldn’t be here, not that you’ve even mentioned it. But I don’t wanna be kicked out of my home every time you decide to give it another shot.”

“Okay, that is so unfair. We’re obviously done for real this time or I wouldn’t be here. I thought youwantedto live me with me.” Indignation pinches her cheeks before she looks around the house. “But I guess you’ve moved on to bigger and better once again.”

“Again? Sarah, I honestly don’t know what’s going on with you lately but—are we still friends? You’re acting like . . . I don’t know.”

“I’m acting fine. You’re the judgy one.” She huffs. “So you’re really not gonna talk to Jack? You won’t consider the open relationship thing?”

Henry and Graham both flash me shocked and appalled expressions. They know me better than Sarah does after two months of my living here. It’s kind of wonderful to have friends who understand me so well. “Of course not, no way in hell. Feel free to tell him that for me if you talk to him.”

“Okay. Well, I actually had a question for you then.”

I mumble a “sure” hoping this is quick.

“Okay, so there’s this thing you do, this position.” She leans in to whisper to me but we’re close enough that I know all the guys can hear anyway. “I guess it’s like, when you’re on top, but you kind of twist—”

“Are you asking me for sex advice right now?”

“Well, yeah, kind of. I mean I just need to know how to—”

“Wait. How do you know about anything I do? Were you talking to Jack about our sex life? Were you—”

I’m dumbfounded for just a moment.

I look around the room to see every guy staring in anticipation, or fear, of what I’m about to say. I don’t even have to ask her, I already know. Of course she slept with Jack. As if I needed any more evidence of her disloyalty.

I’m not confused anymore. She can have Jack and his open relationship.

Now I’m pissed. I’m pissed at everyone I thought I could depend on that has shown me how incredibly wrong I’ve been. I’m pissed at Jack for thinking he can get whatever he wants from me. At Sarah, for using me like a fucking puppet. Mostly, I’m just pissed at myself. How did I ever trust these people?

“You have got to be kidding me. You slept with him? And what, you’re talking to him about what I did in bed? You’re disgusting.”

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