Page 83 of Speechless

Me:

I can’t - I don’t know how

Teddy Graham:

>

Me:

Is that supposed to be your advice? And please don’t let him fall asleep like that

Teddy Graham:

Yes, my advice is to go find your favorite thing and stick your face in him

It ;)

Me:

This is not helpful

Teddy Graham:

Just do what makes you happy ok?

Do what makes me happy? I’m not even sure I know the answer to that. Planning ahead used to make me happy, thinking about what comes next, how to set myself up for myfuturehappiness. Now it feels like I’ve just given up. But without a plan, without hope, without anticipation of what’s to come, what is there really? It feels like time may as well be standing still.

I try to fall asleep but there’s a supercut flooding my mind with every moment that Henry and I have kissed, every time he’s smiled in my direction. I think about the night we met, how I was completely falling apart during that flight. I had no idea where I'd live, what I was going to be doing with my life once we landed. He saved me, like an actual prince rescuing a damsel in very serious distress. I never expected to fall in love with him, never even considered it a possibility. But I did, and now I’m right back where I started, broken hearted and alone.

38

Henry

I make my way downstairs,still unsure of what just happened. I’ve never seen Lucy look so . . . broken. Why is she so determined to push me away? I admit I’m still getting to know her, but how can she act like she knows everything about me, even my future decisions?

I’ve dealt with a lot of hardship in my life, but I always found a way to make it work. Hell, I hired HAAAM so I could find a way to have the career I knew I wanted. I always felt guilty for using them but we’re friends now. From what Lucy says, they’re grateful to me. Things always seem to work out, no matter how bad they start. My entire existence is proof of that. So why can’t Lucy see it this way?

Her words are stuck in a continuous circuit in my head, making me feel dizzy and unsettled:You’ll always be disappointed that you didn’t have a child of your own.

I turn around to go back upstairs. I need answers. I give a slight knock on the door before it swings open.

“Mum . . . can I ask you something?”

39

Lucy

I wakeup from the worst sleep I’ve had in months and there’s a slew of text messages waiting for me. They simultaneously make me want to cry with joy and fall into a deep depression.

Jayce:

So turns out crystals a lying bitch - she’s had a boyfriend this whole fucking time! I need you - when you guys comin home??

Adamma:

>

I said yes!!!!! I know you helped him plan this - thank you! I’m so happy! ILYSM

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