Page 88 of Speechless

Kissing Henry is something I don’t think I’ll ever tire of. He told me that music is how he learned to communicate, that before he learned to play the piano he couldn't figure out how to express himself, how to find his words. I feel this with every press of his lips, every touch of his fingertips on my skin, like he’s conveying all his thoughts to me through physical contact.

I’m thinking about all the moments we’ve had together, ones that I will cherish, ones that appear in my dreams, and then one pops into my head that I never understood.

“Why the harp?” Henry has successfully undressed me down to my thong. I don’t mean to ruin the moment but I can’t get that thought out of my head.

He doesn’t move his lips from me and speaks into the skin between my breasts. “I’m sorry, what about the harp?”

I shove him gently to make a sliver of space between us. “That night at the pool, when Jayce wanted me to say what instrument I’d be. You said I’d be a harp, and you said it so matter of factly, like it was an objective thing. Was it a joke? Is there some pun I haven’t been able to figure out?”

He laughs quietly and murmurs something under his breath. “You are a harp to me. The most beautiful sound you’ll ever hear is made with a harp.” I feel swoony. Of course Henry wasn’t making a crude joke. He wasn’t messing with me, he loves me. “And if I’m going to play Jayce’s silly little game, if I had toplayyou, I’d have you in the crook of my neck, with my arms wrapped around you, and I’d pluck you gently, with purpose.” He raises his eyebrows at me, giving me a look that says ‘Is that a sufficient answer? May I please continue what I was doing?’

Well, that was definitely more eloquent than Graham’s response. And then I remember something else—I completely forgot to google it.

“What’s flutter tonguing?”

Henry chuckles lustily. “Lie down. I’ll show you.”

encore

Everything is scary if you look at it. So you just got to live it.

-Mary J. Blige

42

Henry

Nine months later

Beautiful Beastswas releasedin February and it’s already a national bestseller. Lucy is in negotiations with Netflix for the television rights; they want to turn it into a whole series. She’s still deciding if she’s open to it, but she promised she won't sign a contract without naming me as the head of music and Adamma as an EP. Her book tour has taken her away from me more than I’d prefer but getting to see her success makes every minute apart worthwhile. She said she finally felt like a real writer once she stopped focusing on a happy ending.

I’ve seen such a change in her ever since we got back from our trip to England, like a weight has been lifted. She seems fearless—she’s surfing every day, and not like before, she’sreallysurfing. I have to admit, she still struggles with her balance, but it’s been incredible to watch her transformation. She, Graham and I even went to Maui together last month to test her skills. Her fear of the ocean has evaporated completely.

I don’t know exactly what happened while we were in England, but it must have been something she needed. I have a feeling my mum had something to do with it. They’ve started FaceTiming weekly, sometimes for hours. Theybaketogether. Seeing them grow close has only validated every one of my feelings for Lucy.

And she’s not the only one who’s changed. Being with Lucy, reallybeingwith her has given me a whole new life. Graham must have some sort of sixth sense because, believe it or not, Lucylovesgolfing. We’ve played several times now. It was quite rocky for me at first but I’m getting better. It turns out he was also right about the strangers aspect of the game. We’ve been paired up with other twosomes based on our tee time twice now, even though we requested to play alone. I’d like to say I was fine, completely normal, but nothing miraculous occurred, just my incredibly supportive girlfriend. The first time it happened, she told the other men I was the lead singer of a rock band and had to rest my voice, so they shouldn’t expect me to speak at all. They were quite confused but all eighteen holes went well for everyone. And the second time we were paired up she just kissed me whenever it seemed as though they wanted to make conversation. I could tell it made them a bit uncomfortable, but they did give us a wide berth when it came to chit-chat. Luckily by the back nine I was so relaxed from the game—and Lucy’s kisses—that I was able to enjoy their company; we even had lunch together afterward.

Did she fix me entirely? Of course not. I’ll always be a bit broken. But she changes things, makes life outside of my personal habitat bearable. I’m not afraid when she’s by my side. No matter where we go, what we do, she’s like my own miniature wrecking ball ready to break through any situation I can’t handle on my own.

But tonight?Tonight is fuckingterrifying.

Lucy has somehow convinced me that attending the Academy Awards is a good idea. I do have a nomination for best original song, though I doubt I’ll win. But she thinks otherwise, and that since it’d be my fifth potential Oscar, I can’t stay home. She promised to write me a speech and swore numerous times that I won’t be able to mess it up. Still, the fact that she’s refused to show me said speech beforehand is mildly alarming. Something about bad luck, she keeps arguing.

“Look at her dress. She can’t even sit in it! See—she’s just leaning over the table, she’s not actually touching her seat.” Lucy covers her mouth to hide her laughter.

“Dami, I’m pretty sure that’s the exact silhouette you picked out for your wedding dress. Did you make sureyoucan sit in it?”

“Please. That one’s just for the ceremony. I’m still searching for the party dress.”

I have no clue what Adamma is talking about but the two of them have been gossiping about dress designers and visible Botox for over thirty minutes. I love how close they are but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to wanting Lucy all to myself tonight. My nerves are crushing me from the inside out.

Graham turns toward me and pats my shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re here, mate. I know you’ve already won a few of these, but look around. Think about where we were ten years ago. Remember me banging on the door to that grimy theatre off Broadway? Screaming at them to let you play the piano?” I nod. Not my favorite memory but I’ll never forget those days. I’m not sure how my career would have been shaped without Graham bulldozing the way. When you ghost on meetings with people in the movie or theatre industry they rarely give second chances. “Do you kind of miss it though? We were scrappy. And I fucking loved watching their jaws drop once they heard you—after making us beg for a chance to play. Those are my favorite moments.”

I lift an eyebrow. “And now, what? I can’t impress anyone anymore?”

“Do you care? You never seemed like you cared about impressing people before. You just wanted to write your own music, and now you get to. No one’s going to disagree with you after four Oscars.”

“Five.” I hear Lucy clear her throat as she joins in the conversation. She threads her arm through mine and balances her chin on my shoulder.

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