Page 24 of Not Safe For Work

Luckily, the view outside is a good distraction from our current closeness. I keep my head swiveled to the right to stare toward the water. Marina Green is one of my favorite places to bring my camera on a nice day. It’s a huge field right next to the water and there’s always somethinghappening. Festivals, food trucks, volleyball games, people picnicking with their dogs. It’s one of the many places in this city that’s always teaming with life, with energy. I can’t get enough.

But just when I think that’s where we’re headed, he keeps going. Maybe we’re stopping at the Palace of Fine Arts? It’s another favorite spot, great for photos. Honestly, my favorite part is usually feeding the ducks. Andie and I walk over sometimes after brunch when we have leftovers.

And still he keeps going, following the 101 toward the bridge. Then he makes a last minute turn into the Presidio, keeping us on this side of the bay.

“Where are we going?” I yell through the loud breeze. The wind started whipping hard as we got closer to the water and I’m thankful I didn’t attempt to leave my hair down. Even the tail end of my braid has smacked my chin a few times.

He doesn’t respond until we come to a stop. I have no idea where we are other than in the woods. Leaves crunch beneath my feet as Gavin helps me slide off the bike. He carefully pulls off my helmet next, tucking wayward hairs behind my ear.

“You have photos of all the best spots around the city. Except this one.” He lifts up the seat to hand me my camera. “Hopefully it’s not too artsy for you.” He winks and I shove a hand against his chest hard enough that he takes a step back.

“It smells so good over here.” I take the deepest breath I can, all but inhaling the trees around me. I do a little spin to try and get my bearings and see a sign pointing to the walking path. “Lover’s Lane?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “It’s a short loop. There’s this winding tree sculpture on the way back. I always see people taking pictures.”

“How often do you come here?” I ask, as we start the hike.

“Not so much anymore. Daanesh and I used to come over here all the time to smoke. His old apartment was in the Marina, like a five-minute walk.”

“You two would get high and go on walks together at Lover’s Lane?” He nods. “That’s adorable.”

“Shut up, it’s just a name.” The wind whistles around us as he takes in the scene. “I like nature.”

He moves behind me and squeezes my shoulders just enough to steer me in a new direction. We walk over a short bridge that empties onto the main path. There’s no impressive view from here, the water completely hidden. But I can see why he likes it so much. It showcases how special San Francisco is. That we’re in the woods surrounded by the scent of pine and eucalyptus, yet we’re minutes from the Pacific and we could get to the heart of the city on foot in under an hour.

There’s nothing more exciting than discovering some new part of San Francisco. But I’m never going to be able to enjoy it with all the confusion rattling around in my head. It’s one of my least favorite forms of anxiety, when something I do not want to think about refuses to leave my mind. No matter how hard I try to whisk it away, it’s all I can focus on.

“Scottie?” I ask, stopping for a moment. I’ve had this specific question on my mind for two days and if I don’t ask it now, it might actually burst out of me.

“What’s up?”

“Why are you doing this? Helping me?”

“Why not?” he replies, like that’s all there is to it.

“Come on, I’m serious,” I continue. “First you offered to help with Mitch, and then Ian, and now you’re just going out of your way to be nice to me. Why did you bring me here?”

His brow furrows. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I do like it. It’s beautiful,” I respond, because he looks defeated. The last thing I want him to think is that I’m ungrateful. “But we’re not friends. You don’t even like me. And suddenly you’re willing to be my pretend boyfriend?”

He looks thoughtful for a moment, and he bites his lip, but then the playful grin reappears. “Of course, I like you. And I figured if we hung out now, you wouldn’t be as anxious being together at the off-site. Can’t I just enjoy being helpful?”

“No,” I argue. “No one’s that nice. And I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You are not taking advantage of me. It was my idea, remember? Just look at it this way. I might not be the one putting you in a shit situation at work, but I’m still part of the problem. If I can’t fix it, I’m going to do whatever I can to make things better for you. Really, you’re doing me the favor, helping me rid my guilty conscience.”

“But—”

“Don’t overthink it.”

His words are so soft, too soft to be mocking me. And the smile that follows warms my bones. He’s right. Why am I so worried about the reasons behind everything when I could just enjoy the day instead?

I take a deep breath and look around me, willing my mind to focus on the sounds, the smells, the sight of this gorgeous man who’s slowly becoming a friend.

The next hour goes by in a blink. I find beautiful light filtering through the massive trees and want to snap pictures from every angle. I’m not sure if Gavin has worked out my issues with decision paralysis just yet, but he’s being really patient with me. I’m used to getting eye rolls or having people snap their fingers at me, letting me know it’s time to move on. It’s almost disconcerting that it isn’t happening today.

“Sorry, I’ll be done soon,” I promise, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth.

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