Page 95 of Not Safe For Work

My lips part, but nothing comes out because I don’t know what to say.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t trying to pry or anything. I shouldn’t?—”

“No, you’re right. I never talk about them. I didn’t grow up like you did.” I slide a few pieces of hair away from her face. “But I’d like to tell you.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Scottie.”

“I want to. I’ve actuallybeenwanting to, because I might need some advice.”

She tucks her arms into her chest, those blue-gray eyes sparkling back at me. “Well, I can’t say I’m great at advice considering I do not have my shit together, but I have a damn good therapist. Hopefully she’s been rubbing off on me.”

I smile and she kisses me again, followed by an encouraging nod.

“Okay. So—sorry, I honestly don’t even know where to start because I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“Just start talking,” she urges. I guess I can do that.

“Our mom died when Gabby and I were little. I guess you already know that. It happened suddenly, something bleeding in her brain. She was just…gone. Like it all happened so fast that I’d wake up in the morning and forget she wasn’t there anymore. For months.”

Liv pulls one of my hands into hers but doesn’t say anything.

“My dad hadn’t been around much before that. I mean he was always around, but—my parents weren’t married. We weren’t like some big happy family is what I’m trying to say. When I was young, I don’t think I realized exactly what was going on, but he was violent. And whenever he got that way, Mom would kick him out and he’d be gone for days, weeks sometimes. But he always came back. And after she died, he was all we had left.

“He moved us to Sacramento into his parents’ house. We’d never met them before, and they didn’t seem very happy to take us in. Dad never had a steady job, so money was tight. All I remember from that time was screaming. My grandparents would yell at my dad, and he’d yell back. Then Gabby would get scared, and she’d be screaming too. It was just absolute shit.”

I realize I’ve had my eyes closed this whole time and when I open them to look at Liv there are tears shining in hers.

“I’m sorry. This is not a fun thing to talk about. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, keep going. You haven’t even gotten to the advice part yet.”

I sniff, try to make it sound like a laugh.

“The short of it is that he left. Honestly, I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead, he just disappeared on us. It’s not like he was much of a father-figure before that, but he could not have abandoned us at a worse time.

“I was barely fifteen and had to beg my grandparents to let us stay with them until I could get a job and take care of Gabby myself. The second it was legal, I started working as many jobs as there are hours in the day. People joke about how early I get in or how late I stay at the office sometimes and I just laugh, because I know they’ve never worked a triple in their life.

“As soon as I turned eighteen I filed for guardianship of Gabby, got us a shitty apartment as close to Davis as I could afford because I got a partial scholarship there. Then Gabby, the little brainiac she is, graduated high school early and got accepted to Cal. I still don’t understand why we were denied financial aid, but no way in hell was I going to make her go somewhere else. And she was barely seventeen so I took out another loan. I’ve been playing catch up ever since.

“So that’s what I’ve been doing for the last decade and a half, taking care of Gabby, of us. But I think she’s starting to hate me for it, for playing the role of her father or something.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Liv whispers. I scoff. “Who doesn’t want to be taken care of, Scottie? To feel safe and secure? How could she ever be mad at you for that?”

“I’ve kept things from her. A lot of the financial stuff. I thought I was protecting her, but…I don’t know.”

“That’s what your fight was about last week?”

“Yeah. She said she forgave me, but I can still feel this rift, like I’ve lost a part of her.”

“She’ll come back.” Liv brushes my hair back and it’s the softest touch I’ve ever felt in my life. “It’s easy to see how much she cares about you. I actually thoughtshewas the protective one.”

“I think we’re both protective of each other. Sorry if she hasn’t been the friendliest toward you.”

Liv chuckles. “I don’t know. It’s kind of nice knowing I earned it with her, that she didn’t just immediately warm to me because you told her to.” Her gaze floats up, like she’s lost in thought. “I’m really glad you two are so close. I think that happens when you lose someone. You hold on extra tight to the ones who are still around. You might just need to relax your grip sometimes.”

“Now who’s the wise one?” I murmur.

Liv slides closer and wraps an arm around my shoulder. She pulls me in until our foreheads are pressed together.

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