Page 120 of Fervency Love

“You really think it’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know. But I want to try.”

Vicky adds nothing, just puts on her shoes, and we leave. I see Ve as soon as we’re nearing the Den. I walk closer and stop where he can see me, but he doesn’t. He’s so stoned, he’s totally absent. There’s also that girl who hangs around with them. I don’t know what she’s counting on, but she’s hitting on my man. She’s stroking his arm and bugging him. He shifts closer to her and wraps his arm around her. I freeze. He’s hauling me over the coals when I talk to Roger and he’s hugging that skank, knowing full well I hate her? It doesn’t matter if he’s angry or not. Of course his friends are pretending not to see me too. They’re trying to pull his attention from me. I even think they’ve provoked this whole situation just to make him wrap that arm around her. I glance at Victoria. She says nothing, but I can see she’s feeling awkward. I don’t know where I get the courage, determination, and energy, but I break into motion andapproach the girl, shoving her hard enough to throw her off balance.

“You slut! You put your hands on my Ve one more time I’ll fucking punch those crooked teeth out of your stupid mouth!”

Victoria appears at my side and pulls me away. The rest, Ve included, stand stock still. I spin on my heel, take a step in his direction, and slap him in the face. I twist away and leave. He doesn’t even flinch. I don’t care if I disrespected him in front of his buddies. He treated me worse. Fuck double standards!

“What a shame,” Vicky mutters. She says no more.

I realize something sad. Before we met, this was his reality. This or even worse. I thought I could help him, spark some ambition in him. I thought my love for him, my effort, would make him want to do something with his life. That situation showed me that my hopes were all false. He has so little self-confidence, he believes every little thing that would confirm he’s not good enough. It’s ironic that I fought with the very same conviction for all my life. But I don’t know what could have happened for me to do such a thing and get involved in such a manipulation. It’s hard to understand. There’s a great rift between us. I’m ambitious by nature, but Ve has nothing even resembling aspirations. What he has is enough for him. His friends, drugs, alcohol, impressing his peers. Then I showed up and ruined everything. I smashed his everyday reality into pieces, making him work on himself. Making him change. But is he ready?

We arrive at our block and go to our respective apartments. Victoria didn’t say a thing during the walk back. She couldn’t believe what she saw either. I can’t sleep. I’m still thinking. Six comes and I get up, take a shower. I can’t do it. I just can’t. It’s not me. I need to fight for him. I’d never forgive myself if I gave up now. I need to know I did absolutely everything to get him out of this mire.

Chapter 60

Abby

It’s eight o’clock when I stop at Ve’s place. His dad opens the door.

“Good morning. I’m sorry for coming so early. Is Connor home?”

A moment later, Ve emerges from his room, still sleepy.

“Abigail, are you out of your fucking mind coming here this early?”

What a nice way to say hello,I think.

“We need to talk. You weren’t able to yesterday,” I hiss. He probably doesn’t remember much of yesterday. “Put something on. We’re going to talk right now. I’m pissed.”

“Me too. But can’t we deal with this later?”

“Want me to leave?”

“No. Or go, if you like,” he replies numbly.

“I don’t want to. I’m here to talk. We need to get this over with.”

He agrees, but only reluctantly. He goes to his room for a while, leaving me in the corridor, returning fully clothed. We go to my place and sit down. I break the silence: “Do you want to be with me?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” he replies. I’m out of breath. I didn’t expect this answer. I don’t know how to react. I keep silent, waiting for the worst. “Do you know what I did yesterday?” he continues.

“When? Before or after groping that whore?”

“Stop it. She got under my skin so I squeezed her a bit to piss her off.”

“Do you have any inkling that she could have treated it like consent? No. You’d never realize that. You were stoned out of your mind. I’m not sure if you were even there!”

“I know full well what I did. I don’t care what she thinks. Besides, she got scared after what you did. It was pretty funny. You’re a lot shorter than she is. But she froze and then fucked off home. And the slap I got from you sobered me up.”

“I’m sorry for that.” I drop my head. I really do regret that. I wasn’t in control then, but I know it’s no excuse.

“Don’t apologize. I deserved it.”

“So, what were you doing yesterday?”

“I went home and was looking for your photos all night. Couldn’t find the album.”

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