Page 121 of Fervency Love

“Why would you do that, Ve?”

“Because I wanted to look at you.” His words are disarming. I’d like to hug him, but I won’t. We need to have this cleared right now.

“Listen, you really piss me off at times,” he continues. “You tear into me for no reason. It’s awful. It triggers my flight instincts.”

“I never do that on purpose. It’s just who I am,” I bite back.

“If that’s the case, we shouldn’t be together. You make me break bad. I want to smoke and go back to my old habits.”

“And you won’t return to them without me? What’s your problem, Ve? You’re just going to give up? Don’t look for excuses and don’t try to blame me for your own bad decisions and yourown return to addiction. You’re an adult. I didn’t put that pipe in your mouth! I should have dumped you a hundred times by now, but I’m here, fighting for us. I don’t want us to break up. I can work on my reactions, but I need to know if you’ll try to be more understanding, stop calling me crazy when I’m on my period, and comparing me to other people. I can’t stand that. If not, if you’re going to do things or behave like yesterday, there really isn’t any sense in continuing this relationship.”

I’m trying to act tough, but my hands are shaking so bad, it’s difficult to hide it. Waiting for his response, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of an abyss, ready to take the plunge. It’s too much. Tears roll down my cheeks.

“Hey, why are you crying?” He pulls me in for a hug, embracing me like a little child, waiting for me to calm down. “I want to try too,” he says finally, and I feel a weight fall off my shoulders.

“I’m happy we cleared this up. But I don’t like that you smoke.”

“It was a one-time thing. It won’t happen again. I think I did that to keep myself from thinking. That whole Roger situation messed with my head.”

“You really want to go back to that?”

“No. That’s behind us.”

“And you’ll let him off?”

“Yeah…”

“That didn’t sound too convincing. But I’d like you to give him a break. You have to know one thing. Nobody will ever compare to you, understand? Nobody. It doesn’t matter what he offers, what he looks like. Compared to you, he’s got no chance. What I feel for you cannot compare to anything else. And that won’t change. If for some reason we ever split up, nobody will ever be able to replace you. It’s just not possible.”

“I feel the same about you,” he says and kisses me on the brow. He stands up. “I have to go home, get my shit in order.”

“Okay. I’m off to volleyball practice anyway. One last training session before Tuesday’s competition. See you in the afternoon?”

“Yeah, why don’t you come over after practice?”

“Will you be home?”

“I will. Catch you later, Abby.” He presses his lips to mine. A blaze fills my body when our tongues twist in their dance. We pull away, trying to catch our breath.

“That’s what I was talking about. Nobody can equal that. Only you have that power.” I prop one hand on the wall and put the other on my chest, trying to still my heart.

“I’m yours forever, kitty cat.”

He leaves, and I’m finally at peace. I’m so glad I went to him. I’m also a bit surprised that he grasped what I wanted to say.

Practice is great. The coach heaps praise on me. I drive spikes, jumping high despite my short stature. I play hard, far, and never miss. I’m no good at blocking, but everything else is a piece of cake. I adore volleyball, just like my grandma. She used to play back in the day. And she used to be good, despite being even shorter than I am.

Just like we agreed, I go to Ve’s right after practice. He’s waiting for me. He throws on a jacket, and we go back to my place. I take a quick shower while he sits on the toilet and talks about his day.

“Dad said you’ve actually got me back on track. You’re good for me.”

“What? Why did he say that?”

“Don’t know. Maybe it’s about your morning visit and the fact that when I got back, I helped my folks clean up the mess. I even went to buy groceries for Mom.”

“Nice one!” I chuckle.

“No, but seriously, that’s what I think too.”

---