Page 140 of Fervency Love

So, I grab my bag and coat, and we leave.

After the first meal, the blissful mood I was in disappears irretrievably. Every now and then Connor goes out somewhere with his buddies. If it weren’t for the fact that his classmates, who sit closest to us, and their girlfriends like me, I would have to sit alone most of the evening. On top of that, I think he got stoned. I feel sad. We hardly have any fun. I don’t get upfor the group photo either. I don’t feel like it. Awesome second anniversary.

I would like to understand what drives him at times like this. Maybe he just feels the need to impress others? He can’t say no, or they’ll call him a wuss. Because what’s the point of getting high? Unless it was me he couldn’t stand. I wish we knew how to communicate properly. Every attempt I make to unravel what’s driving him ends with Connor cutting me off. And saying that he doesn’t know what I mean. This is pointless.

My prom begins with a dance, which Connor and I lead as the first couple. We open the party, and it’s on our shoulders to represent the whole school.

“Connor, what are you doing?!” I hiss through clenched teeth, seeing how tense he is.

“Gail, fuck! I’m counting steps so I don’t get confused.”

“Then stop. Let it go. Chill out. You weren’t so nervous at your prom.”

“Because we didn’t go first. And at my school, everyone is chill. You must have seen the difference.”

“I did. But that depends on what you mean by ‘chill’. If you’re talking about how you disappeared for half an evening, then there was indeed a lot of it.”

Our exchange ends when we have to go our separate ways according to the choreographed routine. When we meet again, we say nothing more. I can feel how tense he is. As the last notes ring out from the speakers, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. We’ve done it.

“I’m off for a smoke, Abby.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“Yes, come on.”

We walk out in front of the building. Connor lights a cigarette, and I prop up the wall. I don’t feel like smoking.

“So, I think it came out cool, right?” I ask.

“I tried,” he replies curtly.

Hot meals are already laid out on the tables when we go back inside. The guys have already managed to pour vodka into everyone’s juices. We make a toast and pose for a few photos. The girls and I decide to go to the toilets for some spicier shots.

“Now like that: dress raised, knee up, and garter showing!”

We have so much fun doing this. I get Connor out on the dance floor for a few songs, but then he disappears with some boys from my school that he knows. Shit, here we go again. This time he’s drunk.

“Hey, are you feeling bad?” I lean into him.

“I’m a bit dizzy.”

I hand him some water. After the first party Myro, picked us up. After this one, it’s going to be my mom, so I have to do my best to get him well.

It’s about three in the morning when everyone is slowly making their way out. Mom is waiting for us. She drives Connor home and then we go to ours. I’m exhausted. I take a quick shower and wash off my makeup. I can’t stop thinking about how Connor is acting. I’m not sure I’ll be able to put up with this kind of behavior for much longer. It’s so messed up. We’re messed up.

When I finally make it to bed, it’s already four-forty. I wonder if there is any point in going to sleep. Finally, I decide that maybe a few hours’ downtime will do me some good.

On Monday, everyone is talking about the prom. The heated discussion is interrupted by the arrival of the teacher.

“Well, dear students, before we start, I want to know your opinion on something. How do you rate the organization of the event and the fun itself?”

Being myself, I go for total honesty.

“If you ask me, for that kind of money, the food and drinks were embarrassing.”

“What do you mean, Abigail?” she asks, clearly shocked. Well, yes, teachers are not used to someone daring to complain about something they organized.

“Professor, the week before, I was at the same place at another prom. The price was the same and the drinks were decent and in abundance, plus there was delicious, fresh food. And not the doughnuts and fritters that were left over in the patisseries after Fat Thursday. It was downright awful. Orangeade instead of Fanta or Sprite is also pretty lame. I don’t know where the money went.”

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