Page 153 of Fervency Love

“Okay.”

The queue for the fitting room doesn’t seem to end. I don’t even notice when the day ends. It’s nine in the evening. The mall is being closed but there are still crowds of people in our store. The line at the checkout is getting longer with people coming out of the fitting rooms. I can barely stand on my feet.

The last customer leaves a couple minutes to eleven.

“What a day! But I like it when so much is happening. It’s madness! I didn’t even have time for a break. I only went to the bathroom once,” Mandy says, clearly pleased with herself.

I also haven’t had a break, and the last thing I ate today was breakfast. As for Mandy, I can’t quite make up my mind about her. I sense conflicting energies from her. On the one hand, sheis caring and genuinely concerned, and on the other, I feel like there’s a lot of envy and inflated ego in her. It seems to me that inside, she’s that little, vulnerable girl, and on the outside, she’s trying to play the confident workaholic. Every addiction, including workaholism, is, in my perception, an attempt to mask emotions. Well, we’ll see who Mandy really is with deeper acquaintance.

After closing the doors, the manager thanks everyone for a job well done and asks if I can come tomorrow as well. I say that I definitely can’t in the morning because I have to be at school, but in the afternoon, it’s okay.

“That’s great. Be here by three.”

The car park is empty when I reach my car. I get in and drive off. Luckily, I don’t live far. I enter the apartment and practically collapse on the spot. Ve is already in bed.

“Hey, little angel. Uh, you look exhausted. Want some hot tea?” He walks closer, wraps his arms around me, and kisses me on the lips. I perk up under his touch. He must have some special connection to the cells in my body.

“I’d like that, please,” I reply, slipping out of his embrace. “I’ll take a quick shower in the meantime.”

I don’t even have the strength to eat. I drink the tea Ve prepared, brush my teeth, and lie down in bed. Ve cuddles up to me, and I reach my hand backward in search of his boxers. When I find their warm, pressing, hard content, I take him in my hand and fall asleep like that. It’s my favorite position. Holding him in my hand and feeling his warm body against my back, I feel safe.

The next day, Ve announces that he quit that—as he called it—messed up and regressive job.

“I understand. So, what’s your plan? We need to figure something out for you because I won’t be able to handle our studies and living expenses on my salary alone for the long term. Maybe go to a few places. Leave your CV, maybe even at the mall.”

“I’ll do that,” he replies.

Another week goes by, and Ve still hasn’t sorted anything out. Instead, I feel like with each passing day, we’re drifting further apart. Connor seems absent. When I come back, he’s already asleep. He didn’t even wait up for me. I finally have enough when, once again, I find him lounging around when I return from work.

“Connor, did you do anything about that CV?”

“Uh, I sent some. But, Abby, no one has called back.”

“Show it to me. I’ll improve it. I’m off tomorrow, so we’ll go, and you’ll personally hand it out,” I offer. “And did you buy bread like I asked?”

“Fuck, Gail, sorry. I forgot. I didn’t go to the store.”

“You didn’t go to the store. And those cigarettes fell from the sky right into your lap, eh?”

Connor’s face takes on an awkward expression. He doesn’t know what to say. I caught him lying again.

“It’s getting concerning, Connor. I’m leaving you money, asking for you to buy groceries. And knowing that I work for twelve hours a day and have no time to stop on my way back because everything in this town is already closed at this hour, you forget to buy groceries. But you remember to buy cigarettes! What have you been doing all day, anyway?”

“I was looking at job offers,” he replies, a bit irritated now.

“The last thing I ate was yesterday’s dinner. Thanks for being reliable.” I snort.

He says nothing. He just sits there. I take a bath, close my eyes, and think. The silence is interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Connor comes in and sits on the toilet.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re hungry and that I messed up.”

“Tell me what’s going on. We need to talk to each other. I can’t guess what battles are going on in your head. All I see is that they’re there.”

“You know that communication is not my strong suit.”

“I know, you shut yourself up in that shell of yours and make me guess everything forever.”

I lift myself slightly, spread my arms, and call out to him: “Come here.”

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