Page 164 of Fervency Love

I knew he was a scumbag.

“And are you considering moving with her? That sounds serious.”

“Where did you get that information?”

“Irrelevant. Is it true or not?”

“Yes, it crossed my mind. She told me she fell in love with me and suggested I move with her. I could start anew in a different place.”

“How could she tell you she loves you?! How long have you known each other? This is crazy! Unless you’ve been bullshitting me since much earlier.”

“No, Abby, I haven’t. We’ve known each other for a few weeks. I can’t control what she feels or thinks.”

“How about you? What do you feel?”

“What does it matter to you? You love Larry, right? Have you told him?”

I’m not going to answer that question. I did blurt out in front of Larry that I might love him, but it was in a moment of euphoria. I felt nice, important. I don’t think I could say it again.

“You’re silent, so it’s true. Damn, Abigail, seriously?”

“I don’t feel like having this conversation. I already feel bad enough.”

I get up and almost run towards the entrance. I don’t even look back.

I’m the worst! I have no right to be upset with him after what I’m doing with Larry. I hate myself even more for what I feel.I can’t bear the thought that anyone could have touched him. And if he feels the same way, it means that when he finds out the truth, he’ll be disgusted with me, he’ll hate me more than he loved me. I’ll go crazy from the flood of thoughts constantly assaulting my head and from the emotions overpowering my body.

Chapter 82

Abby

I’m sitting in front of the computer, preparing notes for class when someone knocks on the door.

Amazingly, it’s Connor. I’m so shocked by this unexpected visit that once again, I forget to breathe. I suck in air greedily.

“Ve? What are you doing here?”

“I came to give you this. I wanted you to read it.”

He hands me a rolled-up parchment tied with a string, turns on his heel, and walks away.

I stand still for a moment, wondering what this is all about. I untie the string. It’s a letter, handwritten by Ve. I close the door, enter the bedroom, unfold the parchment, sit on the bed, and begin reading.

My Abby!

I want to understand you in all this mess, and I’ve already grasped a bit. On my own, because that’s the only way to truly understand, without anyone’s help. Unfortunately, there’s one thing I can’t comprehend. I’ve tried, and I just can’t. How can you NOT LOVE ME anymore?! It’s your choice, and I can’t and don’t know how to change it. I justwant you to know that I want to be with you in good and tough times, but I can’t share you with anyone. I hope you can understand that.

Sweetheart, this overwhelmed me, I can’t anymore! You say you need time—I gave it to you. And what? It hurts like hell! It doesn’t fit into my thick skull that you could tell someone “I love you”. It fucking destroyed me, sucked out all my faith in us. Nothing is worth believing in anymore. It hurts so damn much!

And it doesn’t matter that you said those words to someone when you weren’t with me anymore. Just think: does that change anything?!

“In love, you wish to be believed; in friendship, to be understood” (Marcel Achard).

We had both.

You wanted more time. I gave it to you. And it brought us nothing besides you falling in love with someone else. In such a short time… I’ve been disappointed more times in the past few weeks than in the last two and a half years of our relationship. I showed you that I could change, that I could be different, but what does it mean to you?

I have my honor and pride. Maybe it’s wrong that I can’t do anything in this situation. Or maybe I’ve already tried, and it changed nothing.

---