I’ve always loved stargazing. Everything that shimmers and shines is close to me.I’m probably from some crystalline planet that glimmers, flickers, and sparkles,I think.
“That’s Cassiopeia.” Ve’s voice cuts through the silence like a dagger.
“Which one?”
“That one, see? In the shape of a ‘W’. And there’s the Big Dipper.” He points out and talks about all the constellations.
“How do you know so much about them?” I ask, discovering that my love for that man can only grow.
“It used to be a bit of a hobby of mine.”
“I went to a planetarium once. It was the greatest school trip ever.” I smile at the memory.
Ve grows quiet. I sit up and look at him. Something is bothering him.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“There are many things bothering me. All regarding my past. The times before I met you. I really want to tell you about it. I trust you. I’m afraid of how you’ll react, but I love you so much I think you should know if you want to be with me.”
I’m all ears.
“You see, my past was neither easy nor bright. I haven’t been too good to my parents either. You should know I used to steal. I got into fights and hung out with various people. You met some of the guys, but I’ve kept you the fuck away from others.”
“Tell me as much as I need to know. I don’t need the details.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I don’t want to endanger you. But you do have to know that the fact I smoke weed is nothing. I do other kinds of drugs…”
“Weed? That’s nothing,” I say, shrugging.
“Not weed, babe. Not at all.”
“Oh God, you’re doing heroin?” Suddenly a flurry of unpleasant thoughts scatter through my head. That would be too much. I couldn’t live with that.
“I’m not that fucking crazy, but I know people who are.”
“So what are we talking about here?” I ask, calming down. I still can’t really breathe normally, instead holding my breath for what he’ll tell me.
“I’m talking amphetamine… You must have noticed I felt a bit off today.”
“Yes, I saw that. You were nervous and kept clutching at your heart.”
“I did too much speed, and my heart wanted to burst from my chest. It was banging around so hard I was sure it was going to give out. But you, as always, were perfect. You don’t ask questions, you don’t judge. You act. Your patience and goodness are totally disarming.”
“Listen, Connor,” I cut him off. “I can put up with a lot, I’m madly in love with you, but I’m not going to let you do drugs. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. But you have to stop! I’ll help you get out of it!”
He says nothing more, only tightening his grip on my hand. He lifts it and places a kiss on the top of my palm. I’m scared. After falling head over heels for him, all that is supposed to go away? Are we going to be a thing or not? I can’t even imagine living without him. I wouldn’t survive it! But at the same time, I couldn’t be with a drug addict. That would be too much.
It’s getting late. Vicks promised my grandma I’d be back by two. I need to go home. I can’t disappoint her.
“Let’s walk back. I need to be home on time.”
He stands up in silence and helps me up, walking me all the way to the door. We say nothing the whole way.
“Go straight home!”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.” He grunts and kisses me in a way I’ve never known before. It’s as if he is begging me not to leave him. As if he is terrified he won’t see me again.
I give in to the passion, aching to invite him in, embrace him, and look after him. When finally he draws back, he looks me in the eyes and says, “Help me.” He leaves a kiss on my brow and takes the elevator down.