Page 80 of Fervency Love

“What did you go there for?” Connor’s voice is loud, booming, but I sense a hint of something else in it. Fear?

“Because everyone else did,” I retort.

“So you did too?”

“You weren’t there, Ve. Was I supposed to sit around at home all by myself, waiting for you? I did nothing wrong!”

He gets to his feet and turns the hi-fi on, playing Pe & Ya “Another Lost Day”.The speakers blare with the rapper’s words:

Another day you lost, even more things done wrong.

“Listen to this and think about it. I’m out!”

And he’s gone. Vicky takes his place.

“Fuck this, Vicks. I can’t get my head around it.” I’m crying, the tears streaking down my cheeks. I can’t calm down. I just don’t get it.

“Let it go. He’ll come around.” Vicky tries her best to cheer me up, but the phone rings, cutting her off. It’s Grandma.

“What’s happening, Abigail? You were supposed to check in. Come over here right this moment!”

“This isn’t the best time, Granny,” I say.

“I don’t care!” she snaps and hangs up.

I can barely stand. I wipe the tears away.

“What happened?” Vicky asks.

“Nothing. I’ve got to fucking go and explain myself.”

“Okay. Go and let me know when you’re back. I need to go take care of something, so I won’t come with you.”

My grandmother’s greeting is like a slap to the face.

“You look like you did drugs! You will go with your parents to Daisy Valley, young lady. I will stay with you no more.”

“But Grandma, why? What’s the matter?”

“I will not let you end up with a baby stroller at your age!”

Well, she finally went mad. It’s getting real.

“Listen, Grandma, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I was with Vicky and Ivy and—”

“I’m not interested in your excuses.” She doesn’t let me finish.

“Alright, then, I’m sorry! I’m going home now!” I leave, slamming the door in her face.

This is too much. I have thousands of thoughts crammed in my head. I’m so lost. Maybe all he really did want was to fuck me and then brag about it to his friends. Maybe that fucking betwas still on. Maybe he was pretending to them as much as to me. I feel nauseous. I need to fight those thoughts. I knew from the get-go this would consume me, destroy me. Why the fuck did I get involved? I feel like hitting myself.

I’m back at my block, though I don’t remember coming here. I’m on my way from the elevator to my apartment when I notice a silhouette sitting on the stairs. At first I’m afraid, but it’s only him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, dumbfounded.

“Vicky told me you were in bad shape and that I should talk to you because nothing bad happened.”

Vicky. She always knows what to do.

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