Page 81 of Fervency Love

“Oh yeah? And you just decided to come here? All of a sudden you’re that interested in me?” I’m practically shouting.

“Let’s go inside,” Ve says, heading to the door.

“What if I don’t fucking want to talk to you? I’ve had enough! I can’t stand your constant outbursts! It’s perfect, and all of a sudden, you’re screaming at me for nothing! I want to live like a normal person!”

I have no idea where this anger is coming from.

“Calm down, Abby.” There’s a puzzled expression on his face now. He didn’t expect me to react this way. Neither did I.

He snatches the key from my hand, opens the door, and pushes me inside. That’s when the wave of tears spills over, cascading down my face. I’m drained. I slump down the wall and sit on the floor, hiding my face in my hands. He kneels before me. He’s trying to touch me, but I slap his hands away.

“Jesus, Abby. What’s wrong with you?”

“Say it! Say that you only wanted to fuck me! That’s why you behave like that. You’re looking for opportunities to lash out at me!”

His face contorts in a shocked expression.

“What the fuck are you going on about? Don’t you see it? Don’t you see I love you like crazy?”

“And that’s why you dress me down when I’m being honest with you?”

“I didn’t dress you down. I just get angry when there are other men around you! Besides, you smoked weed with those people, and I thought you might do it again. You’re mine. I can’t imagine living without you. I want to protect you at any cost! Don’t you get it? I would die without you!”

It’s disarming, really. I can’t say anything to that. I can only stare from behind the fountain of tears. He wipes them away with his sleeve and kisses them.

“Come here.” He stretches his arms out to me, closing me in an embrace. I press myself to his chest like a little child, slowly calming down.

There’s no telling how long we stay this way on the floor, but it’s enough for me to come to my senses. When he’s with me, I feel tranquil.

“This can’t continue,” I say. “I don’t know what your deal is, but when I’m being honest with you, you have to respect it. You can’t behave like that. Would you prefer that I didn’t tell you where I was?”

“No. I would prefer if you didn’t go at all.”

“If this is such an issue, okay. I won’t behave like that in the future. But this works both ways. You don’t ask me for permission when you see other people. You don’t even tell me about much of your stuff.”

“What are you saying?

“What do you actually do when you’re not with me? I never know.”

“I do nothing,” he says sharply.

This is getting weird. I’m not used to people forbidding me to do things. But maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe this is how relationships work. Only… can I be sure?

He says no more, instead picking me up and carrying me to the bed, lying next to me.

Chapter 40

Abby

I’m torn after last evening’s events. Ve left first thing in the morning. We hadn’t talked too much. Yesterday was exhausting. It has drained me emotionally. I love that boy so much it hurts. It cannot compare to anything I’ve felt before. Even if we don’t make it, nothing will ever match it. The only thing I hate are those constant spats and then making up with sex. Another thing I’m concerned with are those hunches I have. Experience tells me they never appear without reason. I may not accept them at all times, but that doesn’t mean they’re not real and don’t spell something more or less bad. I would like to figure Ve out—those absurd, extreme behaviors. Sometimes I can’t keep up with him. It’s good one minute and another it’s suddenly awful. Sometimes I can practically feel his mood swinging from one moment to another, shutting me off. He becomes cold, indifferent. I’m like that too sometimes—one gesture, one word can chip at my self-confidence so much I instantly explode. Maybe he’s the same. Maybe, when his self-consciousness surfaces, he does everything to make it stop, no matter the consequences.

The sound of the phone yanks me back to reality.

“Will you come for dinner?” Grandma’s voice is neutral. I can’t be sure what her mood is after yesterday.

“Do you want to see me or will you be rude like last time?” I ask with all the brazenness I can muster.

“I’m just worried, is all. People are talking.”

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