Page 86 of Fervency Love

“No. What are you buying?” he asks, puzzled, as he bought groceries a day before.

“I feel like having some sauerkraut,” I reply, nonplussed. Dad’s face twists in an expression of confusion. Then he pales, like he saw a ghost. The fuck is his deal?

“You’re pregnant!” he hisses. It’s like slap to the face. How did he come up with that idea? We’ve been careful. No. That’s impossible.

“What are you talking about? I’m going to have my period any day now. I always eat sweet, bitter, and salty stuff when it comes. Why would that spell pregnancy all of a sudden?”

“Those cravings of yours are strange, that’s all,” he mutters, piping down.

“They’re normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.” I leave, unable to bear the thickening atmosphere.

Outside, I decide to go visit Grandma. She’s preparing dinner. There are sour pickled cucumbers already on the table, so I graba few. I’m chewing the last one when she sends me an unusual look.

“You’re pregnant.” This isn’t a question. What is everyone on about today?

“You’re paranoid, Grandma. Why would you say that?”

“You ate all my pickles.”

“Yeah, sorry. They were very good. I couldn’t help myself. What’s this have to do with anything?”

“Cravings like that usually mean you’re pregnant.”

“Grandma, you really don’t have to be alarmed. It’s just those days. I’m not fucking pregnant. Why won’t all of you just give me a break?” I practically scream, jumping to my feet and rushing out.

I’m not in the mood for sauerkraut anymore. I stride along the alleyways between the buildings and stumble into Ve. I tell him about the paranoid behavior of my family. I can see fear in his widening eyes.

“What’s the matter, Ve? Just don’t tell me you’re with them.”

“You think we might have…?” He takes my hand, and we head towards his place.

“What? Got preg?” I take a moment to consider the absurd notion.

What would that mean for me, exactly? No, that’s too fucked up. I don’t even like kids. They stress me out with their unpredictability, always paralyzing me with indecision. I don’t want kids and don’t know if I’ll ever change my mind. Not likely. I know, I’m a weird girl. A freak. But that’s just who I am. I don’t like any form of being deprived of liberty. Maybe I used to be bullied in my last life. I can’t say I know where that comes from—that rebellious spirit and the need for unbound freedom. I’m a nonconformist, and that’s that. I don’t dream of weddings or having children. The only thing that does occupy my mind is tobe free, to feel alive, and have someone who would share in my happiness.

“I think that’s impossible. I’ll explain it to you too then. You don’t know me that well, it seems. I’ve always had those cravings a couple of days before my period. End of story.”

“Alright, you know best.”

Of course I do. I would feel it if a new life were being created inside me. I would know the specific moment it happened. I can always perfectly identify the signals my body is sending me. Nobody will ever tell me otherwise.

“Want to come in for some tea or something?” Ve asks meekly when we reach his block.

“Are you alone?”

“I don’t know. Let’s find out.”

“Where were you going, by the way?”

“I was throwing out the trash.”

He puts the key in the lock, visibly relieved that the door is locked, which means the apartment is empty. We go in and look around.

“Well, looks like we’re in luck. Can’t say for how long, though. Mom was still home when I went out.”

I finally have an opportunity to take a better look at his place. There are a couple of rooms, a balcony, and a separate kitchen. Plus two bathrooms. The flat seems larger than mine. It’s on the ground floor, though, so no view from the balcony. I feel good here, which doesn’t happen too often in places I don’t really know. Even his parents seem to like me.

Ve hugs me closely, runs a finger along my lips, and bites my lower lip, pulling gently. I press my mouth to his and push my tongue out. He joins in the kiss instantly. It’s blissful. Our hands feel our bodies, never sated.

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